Pregnant at 35 & Worried

[Loulou2276]

Hi,

I am 35 and pregnant.  I have been having a hard time getting past the fact that I am automatically considered high risk and honestly freaked out when told all the percentages of increased birth defects etc.

I had 2 children in my late 20's and just had no idea how the odds are stacked against us 35+.

I guess my question is....how have you all come to grips with this data? I am trying to relax, but can't seem to stay calm.

I haven't had any genetic  tests done yet.

Thanks for letting me vent. :)

[adgal]

I really should add here...

Regardless of how skilled or experienced the Dr. is, there is no question that any invasive testing such as CVS or Amnio comes with an element of risk.  So this is not a decision that should ever be made lightly, or on the advice of someone else.  Yes, my experience turned out fine, but sometimes things do go wrong.  So please make sure that if you do decide to proceed that you have done your own homework and discussed this with your Dr.  It is a big decision, and a very very personal one.

[adgal]

After having the procedure, they tell you to take it easy for about 24 hours. That being said, if you miscarry within the month after having an amnio,  they typically will attribute it to a complication with the amnio.  Personally, I laid around and took it easy for 3 days.  It was a wonderful excuse to laze in bed and allow dh to wait on me hand and foot...lol.

If you are thinking about amnio, there are a couple of things to ask yourself.

1. Why do you want the info.  This doesn't really have anything to do with whether or not you will terminate.  Some would, and some wouldn't regardless.  I wouldn't have terminated, but did want to know.  I needed to be prepared and to educate myself on ds.  That was super important to me.

2. How experienced is the Dr. performing the procedure.  I can tell you, I interviewed him.  I truly did.  I wanted to know how long he had been doing it, and what his stats in terms of complications were.  I felt very confident, otherwise I would have gone elsewhere.

For me, it was not a bad experience at all.  No pain, just a bit of an uncomfortable feeling.  I would opt to do it again if the first trimester stats warranted it.  My risk factor after first trimester screen was 1:13, so for me, the benefit outweighed the risk.

Hope that helps.

[miragrby]

hi, thx for your answer. How long after amnio does risk of miscariage still egzist? Someone think only a few days and others are talking about a whole month:-(.
Sorry if my English is bad:-)

[miragrby]

hi, thx for your answer. How long after amnio does risk of miscariage still egzist? Someone think only a few days and others are talking about a whole month:-(.
Sorry if my English is bad:-)

[adgal]

Oh, I just love people like that.  So sweet of them to share.  I had a few people like that in my life and learned to just smile, thank them, then tune them out (it was either that or beat them silly, and thought an assault charge may not be the best thing for me).  And you are so right...if it was that bad, why would so many keep having them.  I mean, they aren't stupid or into self torture I assume.  I was chatting with a very pregnant women in the grocery store the other day. It was her first, and she was absolutely terrified due to awful stories people told her.  I don't know why they do that...it honest to God isn't that bad.  I had contractions for 2 weeks, and it still wasn't that bad.  The most fun I've ever had?  Probably not, but worth every single second.  And the moment I saw my babies little face for the first time?  They could have been sawing off both my legs with no pain meds and I wouldn't have cared.  Just let me hold him.  

And don't think your neurotic.  We all go through this.  Pregnancy is a scary thing really.  I mean, no matter what our ages, we all hear the things that can go wrong.  But again, fortunately, they rarely do.  

[Jennie1211]

Thanks, adgal. I'll take all the reassuring advice I can get. I've often thought that if I could just convince some doctor to completely knock me out and somehow make it so the baby magically appears on the outside, I would gladly take out a second mortgage on my house to make it happen. Unsolicited advice from my sister in law and co-workers also tends to stress me out (i.e. "make sure you tell them to cut you--if you tear, the pain will be so much worse" or "ooooo you have a tilted uterus? Get ready to deal with incontinence indefinitely.") Stuff like that.

BUT, I just keep telling myself that if childbirth were as bad as I have convinced myself that it is, then no one would ever want or have more than one, right?

I do agree, though, that forums like this help slightly neurotic people like myself to chill out a bit and remember to try and enjoy the experience since this will definitely be the one and only time I'm ever able to do this.