husbans had unauthorized vasectomy

[lori1969]

my husband had a vasectomy about 3 weeks ago and i wasnt sure if i wanted anymore. Instead of waiting for me to be ok with him having surgery, he went and did it anyways. I freaked out and so i even the score and put holes in all of the condoms expect the first 4 (didnt think of it tll later)24 all together, so my question is i am nursing twins about 2 to 3 times a day total. and i am starting to bleed a little (spostting)and i dont know why. could i be pregnant or ovulating ? by the way my cyles are usually ever 3 to 4 mo. my  twins are clomid babies too as i dont ger pregnant easy. however i did give birth to 6. I am 40 yrs old and he is 53. How long do i waite to take a pregnancy test?

[Melka76]

I am pretty sure that after a vas sperm can still impregnant for up to 6 months... He is going to be pretty PO'd if she gets prego again and finds out she poked holes in the condom.... Obviously there are other issues at hand.... but sabatoging (sp) condoms to spite your husband vas is pretty bad....two wrongs do not make a right... and this would be a life at stake not some silly disagreement.... I hope they work things out for the benefit of the other 13 children who have to be involved with this and not worry so much about the ones they do not have... just my opinion.

[martikadragoon]

I told DH if he got fixed without my OK I'd divorce him, and I meant it. there are other options until you make a permanent one like that.

[Mommashelley1]

I agree with you somewhat... that yes both need to agree before something was done. but she said she knew about the doctors appointment and did nothing so she wasnt left in the dark about it, she just waited until it was done to get mad! and I also agree with doula, she was using middle school pranks to get pregnat again w/o his knowing , know that the possiblity of never having children with him became a problem. she was only worried about her needs and not his.

[alikat1205]

If you cannot trust your spouse enough that you are willing to undergo surgery, you should not be married.  I am appalled that anyone wanting to stay married would engage in these behaviors.  It sounds like he is finding a way of telling her it's over.  

[DoulaSummer]

Obviously his wife cannot be trusted to take his opinion about no more children seriously.  She was poking holes in condoms like a 8th grade prank!!  Come on, she could not be depended on for contraception protection until a decision could be reached.  Men are limited on what they can use and condoms are pretty much it until they have a male pill.  Her using God as an excuse to sabotage the condoms made me laugh because it sounded very ignorant to say the least.  If God wanted it to happen he would have broke the condoms himself, not depend on her to poke holes.

In an ideal world, I think neither partner should make decisions about children by themselves.  If my partner decided to get a vasectomy without me I would be upset too because we have an amazing communication line and I would feel hurt he did not communicate with me.  The vasectomy is only a sign of issues, not the issue itself.  It is his body and something he has control over and I get a sense that is the issue. This woman has major control issues and is very passive aggressive.  She can't even own up to it and be honest to her husband in counseling.  I question if she really wants to make the marriage work if she can't even be honest.  What else does she lie about?  But this is another story all together.  My thing is she obviously cannot be trusted.

[alikat1205]

btw, annie, i love your advice!