Need Honest Advice...

[PamelaBee]

Hello!  As some of you ladies know I am TTC and will soon be 45.  I thought once I had my son (at 43) I would never, ever think twice of having another at my age.  But, somehow, somewhere this feeling and urge for me to try and have another child has taken over my life!  I often wonder if I am in fact too old to do this and go through the whole pregnancy/delivery/infant thing again.  My son is 18mos and a handful, believe me it's not easy, but it's not too terribly hard either.  My husband thinks I'm the fountain of youth and we should try to extend our family to meet and exceed Kate plus 8--LOLO, fat chance. Believe me, he's no dummy he's in it for the hot sex : )   But, when I'm alone, and when I'm in bed at night, my mind races with all the what ifs...that is even IF I can conceive...what if I have complications, what if I have problems with delivery, what if!!!!  So, I guess what I'm asking you each personally is, would you go for it again or for your first at 45?  As far as I know, I am in excellent health, financially we are A-OK, and the one and only thing that keeps popping up in my mind is 4-5 with a brand new baby!  I know all the risks with downs, birth defects etc, at this age, so asides from commenting on that, please answer the question honestly from your gut and if it were you at 45 in my shoes. I'm the first one to say GO FOR IT to everyone else seeking opinions whether or not their too old to have a baby...I even made a statement to someone recently on here saying, "40's are the new 30's" when it comes to having babies....but to me 40-43 seems perfectly fine, once I see 44-45-46....yikes, I get a little teeny weeny nervous...Your thoughts?

[adgal]

Atta girl!!  You and I are going to get there!!    

[DaniWants1More]

WTG Pam.  Good Luck!!!     ~d

[Super_sally888]

Good! You're doing what you want! And enjoy that hot sex with your hubby trying!

Sally

[PamelaBee]

Ahh, I always know I can count on you guys to give it to me straight!  I am going to go for it again this month, Amanda, I ordered the Preseed and am anxcious to use it, I read it's website and other blogs on it and it sounds like it may do the trick!!  Sandi, I got my AF on Sept 1st.  At least, I still get a regular consistant cycle!  You ladies are my peers on this forum and I admire and appreciate your personal stories and experiences!  Thank you for always being there for me!  Pam

[toni106]

hi, i think go for it!! i feel no matter what our ages are, there are always those what ifs for every women who gets pregnant, from 20 - 50+ i think we have to go with our instincts and what we are headstrong for. only your heart can decide, but i hope our opinions and comments help, i know they do for me....toni

[christi40]

Well I'm going to be brutally honest.  The question is asked in a forum of women over 40 desperate for a baby so my answer is YES!  If you have the time, the energy, the funds and the support of your DH I think you should go for it.  Only you know what your hearts desires are.  You have helped so many other women with their dreams that you should have yours, too.  I'm trying for my first at 40 and don't give a darn what others think.  We are here to support you no matter what....Christi

[40smama]

Pamela - I totally know what you're going through.  I could've written this post about two years ago when I was 43 just contemplating going for a baby.  Even last April '07, before Noah was conceived, I began to have 2nd thoughts about going through IVF & pregnancy, delivery, raising a baby.

We are so much like you as far as financially being okay, healthy otherwise, (I don't think I'm quite the fountain of youth that you are :-)) & plus we already have older children.

Honestly, I think you should follow your heart.  I think you need some reassurance that it's okay to have a baby at our ages (I'm 45 as well).  I'll give you that reassurance, hon. - follow your heart.  I believe it'll lead you to the right decision.  I just read Amanda's post - I guess I'm basically saying the same thing.

I know you'd love your little cutie to have a little brother or sister - I would love that for Noah as well - or at least one that's closer than 15 years to his age - ha, ha!  My dh even asked the dr (we have 11 embies left over from IVF) if we could do this again right after the delivery.  The doctor of course looked incredelous (sp?) as did I but who knows?

You know things will be harder this go-around but there are women on this forum who've conceived naturally at our age & delivered healthy babies so don't lose hope!  Now that I've written the world's longest post, I'll close my mouth.  Good luck w/ttc & let me know if there's anything else I can do to support you!!! - jen

[Helen72]

You should do what feels right to YOU.  If you do not give it your best shot now, will you regret it later??
Fertility decisions are very private so don't listen to anyone else's advice.  

[adgal]

Well, I think you already know how I feel.  I also at times worry about the age thing, but at the same time I think there are so many things us "older" women can offer that I know I couldn't when I was younger.  After I have one, I honestly don't know if I will try to have another, but I can tell you that if the desire is still there, I won't hesitate.  I really don't feel there is such a thing as a right age.  I am probably not making much sense here, sometimes its so hard to put things into words.  I guess my opinion is that you should follow your heart.  If this is what you want, and your heart is saying to go for it, don't let a number stand in your way.  

[have 2 kids]

I myself would not try for another at my age.   I'm 40.   Had my 1st at 28 and 2nd at 32.  
It was so much harder being pregnant the 2nd time.  I don't know if it was because I was older or not.  I cannot imagine going thru all the sleepless nights and endless crying anymore.  Also, I don't like the increased risks of down syndrome and other consequences.   BUT I don't think there is anything wrong with someone else doing it if they choose.   Remember all the good times and then the bad and figure out for yourself if it's worth it.   You'll make the right decision.