Help please

[Juliaschill]

I think that I am a nice person and try not hurt other peoples feelings, but,lately I have wanted to just scream some really not nice things at people, Back ground,I grew up in a small town married at 18,and had 3 DD by the time I was 23,not long after I ended up divorced and moved away,just moved back to this same small town 6 months ago. I am now 21 weeks and starting to show, well alot of people that see me around town are so rude, they see my tummy and are like "OMG  what are you crazy your going to have a baby at your age, " Or say things like you'll be 60 by the time they are out of school"  what were you thinking.It is getting me so mad. I don't know what to say to these people, thenby the time I get home I am mad at myself for not saying anything.Has anyone else had this problem and if so what are so come back I could use when this happens,

[SuzM]

If you were 6 months PG and shopping for your baby and the clerk asked if it was for your grandson, then heck! you got a compliment! You had to have looked pretty dayum good if she didn't even know you were pregnant. LOL

[usuk]

i think if someone in a store or restaurant makes an honest mistake, you have to forgive it. but when they truly know what they are saying and you are hurt, i can only think on one reply. which is "wow - if you have a daughter, i hope no one ever says something hurtful like that to her one day." that oughta shut them up.

[cmoretti]

"when I was 6 months pregnant w/Noah & shopping at some department store, the clerk asked me if I was shopping for my grandson - WTF??"


LOL! I would have loved to see the look on her face when you told her! At least TRY to be a bit more observant!

[40smama]

Thanks,  ladies for letting me share my little "grandma" story - LOL!  Thanks to you, Joyce, for the compliment - you're sweet.

What really is funny is my 15 year old dd who loves to repeat that story OVER AND OVER AND OVER to every single person we know - that girl's going down!!!  

There are more instances of this happening to me (lucky, I guess!) - when I was 6 months pregnant w/Noah & shopping at some department store, the clerk asked me if I was shopping for my grandson - WTF??  I guess I didn't show too much but I said, "woman, I'm 6 months pregnant shopping for my baby".  She was so embarrassed.- bless her heart.  

you really have to learn to laugh about it - I'm still learning - LOL.

[cmoretti]

I feel for you! The other day I (39) was in the supermarket with DB (35) and some lady looked at me and said "It must be mothers and sons day here....I am here with my son too!"

All I could think about is that when we have our baby, everyone is going to think it is his with me being the grandma! As if I don't already feel old enough! I can tell you that I am probably going to be the most rude/sarcastic pregnant woman on the earth because I won't hesitate to dish out the same insensitive **** back at people that don't have a brain to think about what they are saying. Where did manners go?

[SuzM]

For some reason, when it comes to pregnancy and babies, people just seem to lose those boundries of what's appropriate to say or not to say and do. When you're pregnant, perfect strangers will walk up to you and rub your stomache and if you have babies with you, people you've never met will come over and offer advice and be happy to tell you what you should be feeding them and how etc. I always thought it was kind of cute really because I'm pretty easy going, but my sister was always really uncomfortable with it, especially having people she didn't know touch her. People ought to be a bit more sensitive. Sometimes they're downright ignorant.
I'm already getting the negative comments and just for expressing wanting to have a baby. My Dr. shook his head and clucked his tongue and said, " Do you know how old you'll be when this child finishes highschool?" like I was a naughty kid for even thinking about TTC. As if that thought hadn't crossed my mind already anyway! Sheesh...

[pcarsey]

Do not worry about it! I have had the same things happen and lots of people tell me I only look half my age. I'm thinking where are these same people when others ask me if Brayden is my grandson..lol And now, my daughter is pregnant, the same people that asked me if Brayden was my grandson tell me I look too young to be a grandma.. SUCKA! I think they are trying to kiss my butt for not thinking before they stuck their foot in their mouth!

The way I see it, we older women who have babies are very intimidating. It's like we have gone way beyond the law of having/ not having children. When my mother was young, she had her first baby at 16 then went on to have many many more until I was born when she was 29, people accepted things the way they were back then. But today, it can just go either way. But I think there are lots more women having babies at an older age today and it is slowly becoming more acceptable.

Ignore them for now, but put it all on a sticky note for when you baby shower comes along like your mother suggested! Brilliant Idea!!

[babyprayers]

ughh I have twins, when I was pregnant people looked at me like I had 3 heads, I actually stopped one day, and said to this lady looking at me, is there a problem, she was like ohh, no, I did not even give her a chance to say anything more, i said its a tumor I am going in for surgery next week..


after I had teh girls, people and I mean EVERYONE asked the dumbest things
1) are they twins
2) are they teh same age..umm heres your sign
3) are they yours. nope I abducted them, earth to mother ship, come in mother ship

people are dumb.

[Joyce49788]

oh and 40smama you DONT look old enough to be a grandma... so i would say ignore them too or just do as you did... and call them "great grandma/pa"

i love being pregnant at least that gives you a excuse for being a smarta s s  or for being a little b*tchy.

[thetam01]

40smamma that story made me laugh from my toes i think its funny that u said that to him i would have love to see his face..  i am an emergency room nurse and know all to well how people can say stupid stuff i was taking care of a 19 ear old girl who came in with chest pain postpardom i knew from the interview that the 50s year old man with her was her husband and babys father and when the xray tech came in to take her to xray they said can u leave the baby with her grandpa while u go for xray..  ouch t the same time there r so many 12 13 14 year ld moms in the er with there own 30s year old mom... im 34 and i get frusterated that i cant get preggo and the pt is 15 and has 2 kids already and comes in for a preggo test

[Joyce49788]

yes alot of people make stupid comments... i am 35 have 3 older children ages 6,12 and 14... and am 33 wks 3days pregnant with #4.. i get rude comments like "wasnt 3 enough" and "how are you gonna support 4 children" (bf left a month ago so back to single mommyhood) not to mention the rude stares and dirty looks... usually i just ignore it, but not too long ago i was in a subway that was inside a walmart... and this pair of old ladies (70ish i would say) kept looking over thier shoulders while i was trying to get kids thier sandwiches, sodas ect... and i got really tired of it, didnt want to cause a scene so i just packed the kids up and left... but on the way out all 3 of my kids asked why we were leaving cause they hadnt been being bad... i stopped turned to them and said "no you weren't being bad, i am proud of how well behaved you were being... BUT there are a couple of old nags over there that were being very rude and i dont want you to have to see mom lay them on thier butts".... and walked away.... lol
i said it loud enough that i am sure that the ladies heard me, and i just wish i would have been a fly on the wall to hear what they said after i left....lol

but i am always getting dirty looks or stares and i try to just either comment on how they must not have been taught that staring is rude... or ignore it.

sorry that you have to deal with it, but especially those of us who are having babies in later years 35 and above are unfortunately going to hear it from the general public.... UGH people need to mind thier own business.

[40smama]

Yvette, girl, you ain't supposed to tell about my grandma story - LOL!!  Just kidding, hon!

Juliaschill - believe me, I've been there w/people talking about my pregnancy.  I was almost 45 when No was born - had children 24, 22, 19 and 15 as well which just gave people more ammunition so I really hear you about this issue.

Your mom's suggestion is right on - LOL.  It sounds like she's supportive which is more than I can say about my own mother.  Try (I know this is hard) to concentrate on the miracle part of your pregnancy & when others say hurtful things, really, really blow them off as ignorant, callous people.  

I too live in a small town so I think I understand about how people love to make stupid, thoughtless remarks which made me doubly glad we didn't make our ttc journey public knowledge - I definitely would've gotten more than a earful!

I'll tell you the grandma story (sob):  when I was boarding an airplane holding my 3 month old baby, my youngest dd who was 15 at the time was behind me carrying the diaper bag.  The flight attendant said, "Grandma do you need help to your seat?" to which I replied, "No, thank you, Great-grandpa & btw, the baby is mine."  He was mortified & embarrassed & I realized that this was something that would happen again and again - everytime I was w/my daughters, people will probably assume that I'm the grandma even though I don't think I look that old - LOL!

[Juliaschill]

Congrats on the Baby  when are you due and do you know if it a boy or girl? I am having a Boy,    I don't usually let things like this bother me  must be the Hormones, LOL  my Mom told me to invite everyone who said something to my baby shower that way they have  to get me a gift LOL  

[YvetteY]

LOL..hey you are a few years younger than me...I'm going to be 43 when my baby is born.  As for other people what they do and say....don't even let it bug you!

My friend 40smama told me this has happened to her already!   So I'm preparing myself!

Just like water off a duck's back,  just dismiss what stupid people say!

[Juliaschill]

ok now come on you were supposed to make me feel better! !!! :)   ok so you made me laugh,LOL

[YvetteY]

Just wait until they ask you if your the baby's grandmother!  LOL!!

[Juliaschill]

sorry  12:26 AM LOL

[Juliaschill]

Yes it would feel good,but your right I just need to walk away," I do have to live here" LOL   When me and Hubby were trying we go alot of the well you already have 3 DD "by my first DH who was not so darling"  or once you stop trying it will just happen,  I wasn't very happy about that stuff.   Thanks, by there a time diff  in CA, just  wondering   I have never been there,  it is 12:26 pm here

[adgal]

I can't say I have personally experienced this exact issue, however, I think everyone has had people say really stupid things to them sometimes.  For example, I have been asked a few times now "Shouldn't you just stop trying?" or my favorite..."Lot's of couples are happy childless".  Things like that, and yeah, I get angry.  However, we need to try to take it in the context intended.  I believe that most people don't intend to be hurtful, they just don't think before they open their mouths.  In your case, I bet there is a bit of jealousy on some people's parts.  Here you are carrying a beautiful new life, and they're not!!!  Ignore them, and don't let them get to you.  You and your husband are happy and excited, and that's ALL that matters.  Just smile and walk away.....or tell them to kiss your behind...lol.  Ok, that's a hormonal imbalance talking, but I bet it would feel good!!!