stepkids....am i wrong???

[Butterball66]

So i have three and they only come over ever now and then. They are 9 6 and 4. But when they come over they can be extra loud sometimes and just burst into me and hubby room without knocking after we have both told them they must knock. I love them but it can be overwhelming sometimes. So my question is am i wrong for telling him while i dont mind them coming over to see baby when we first come home i really dont think they should spend the night for at least the first 8 weeks. I would like to spend this time bonding with my baby and getting him on a schedule. I will also be having family and friends visiting from out of state during that time. Im also having a c section and want the time to heal. My son who lives with us is 11 so im not too worried about him plus he will be leaving for a month to spend the summer with his mom mom.

[Raya82]

I'm also in agreement with these ladies^^^. When you married your husband you inherited his children as well. You should think of them as your own even though they only come over every so often. I understand that you want to spend alone time with your newborn but you're not sending your son somewhere else for 8wks. All I'm trying to say is that you should treat your stepkids the same way you would your son, especially if you love your husband.

[RissaDenae]

Oh honey, as a stepchild, I have to say if your stepchildren found out you said that, they'd be devastated. The ladies above are exactly right, they're going to feel that you think your kids are far more important - even if you do, do you want them to know that? Also, you don't want them to feel resentment towards their father for allowing you to delegate whether or not they got to spend the night at their dad's house, do you? I can understand how you feel, but alienating your stepchildren can only bring stress and hurt to your family unit. I think your best bet would be to keep in mind that your baby is your stepchildren's sibling as much as he/she is your son's. Would you want your ex's wife to keep your son away from his sibling if it were reversed?

[DesiMae]

When I had my boys my stepchildren was there even during the birth. It was a great bonding experience and we have wonderful family pictures of all of together right after the birth in the hospital. My last boy was born on Christmas and we had my step kids it's a great memorie for then cause we had Christmas in the hospital with all 5 kids.

[My2ndbaby]

I have stepchildren and I wouldn't imagine not wanting them to be around just coz I had a baby. Babies sleep so much the first few months,  so it won't make a difference if they are there or not. And if you want to bond with your baby, just go to your room and close the door. If you alienate your step kids now, they might not bond properly with your child. Trust me, when your baby grows (and they grow fast), you'll be glad for your step kids presence. By then they won't be 9, 6 and 4 and they will play with your baby and entertain him/her while you can sit back and relax. God bless

[RockRose]

And i have to ask - why do your husband's children only come over "now and then?"  Is it their choice?

[RockRose]

I agree - the step kids should be treated exactly as your own kids.  Otherwise,  the message is your kids (I'm assuming your 11 year old is yours alone and not your husbands) are family,  his kids are visitors.   And you'll certainly welcome visitors once the family has begun to bond together as a unit,  but until then,  it's your two kids against your husband's three.

[kcwayman]

The step kids should be treated as your own kids.I think your sending the message that your baby is far more important than they are. Think of it if you separated and your child was told 8 weeks before spending the night at daddy's. No I don't think its right.

[Jrob0530]

My home is extra busy when the step kids are here too, but it's the craziness our combined family has created (the GREAT, the bad & the insanity). EVERYONE needs to get used to a new baby even the stepkids. If your having visitors they can help rally the troops and maby they will understand better what the baby needs if they are around. I NEVER thought to keep them away actually mine are spending the summer with us arriving the week the baby is born and I'm already plotting activities. I suggest you talk to your husband about his feelings too, you really don't want to create issues and diversity which can lead to bigger problems.