37yo, 30 wks pregnant, and sad, :(

[dndwydnn]

I think I need medication for depression, and since I've been pregnant its been much, much worse. I cry at the drop of a hat, am crabby for no particular reason, and seem to really be in the dumps. I am losing my job or getting my paycut again in July (Won't know which until this Friday), Husband is unemployed, and our dreams of buying a home are gone with my paycut. We are stuck in a two bedroom apt with paper thin walls and floor.

My relationship with my husband is not what it has been in the past, I really just go from mediocrely happy to downright despair when I think of being trapped in a relationship with a man who is a wonderful father (we have a 3yo), but takes me for granted. I am not emotionally ready to leave him at the present time - Maybe I will someday, but honestly the thought of raising two kids by myself in this scary economy while working and going to school full time is just too overwhelming.

This past weekend was a nightmare. Not only did I pull of an entire retirement party with >100 people in 100 degree weather outside, but I am 30 weeks pregnant and received little help from others. I feel so alone, sad, and taken advantage of that I am crabby to those closest to me, and I can't stop. Sunday my husband told me that no one wants to be around me b/c of my crabbiness, and

I don't think that any amount of meditation is going to help me feel better, I just can't relax, and I want to get on medication for this before I have my baby because I am afraid that me being the breadwinner too, I am going to get really depressed knowing that its all on my shoulders (as always) and then I have another baby to support. I love my kids, don't get me wrong, but I think my fears of having another colicky baby might just do me in.

Are there any safe anti-depressants for pregnant women? How can I get them? I get sucked into weekly psychotherapy sessions which help, but they aren't enough. I need something to take the edge off my crazy emotions and extreme anxiety.

TIA for advice!

[SoCalTricia]

Oh my gosh...I SOOOO feel your pain. I could have written your post. This pregnancy, for me, has been an emotional train wreck. My husband and I will absolutely NOT have any more kids because I seriously think we would end up divorced. I can absolutely relate to your feelings of despare and depression. And, although there are brief flashes of happiness, your overall demeanor is just BLUE, right?

I started taking Zoloft about a month ago. It has helped somewhat, but I think my dosage needs to be raised. (I'm only taking 12.5 mg.) The other thing that has helped is physical activity - even thought it's the LAST thing you want to do. And I've gone to a counselor a few times. And, honestly, girl...if you want to cry, just CRY. Write down what you're feeling even if you never show it to anyone. Sleep if you need to sleep. Do what you need to do to get through the day. I really wish I could hug you right now, because, like I said, I have been right where you are through most of this pregnancy.

And I can also relate to the money issues. My husband blew out his knee playing softball right after I got pregnant. He had a total ACL repair in January and has been on disability since then. Because he had been laid off so many times in the previous quarter (he's a carpenter), his didn't qualify for much disability. Needless to say, the burden of paying ALL the bills has fallen on me. And while I'm not losing my job, we are facing furloughs (hours without pay - basically forced time off), which will take a decent chunk out of my check. And I'll probably be on disability myself in a few weeks. So....I really do know what you're going through.

If you need to talk, feel free to message me. And hang in there, sweetie. My mother has always said that when you look forward with good intentions, good things fall into place. Periods of difficulty ALWAYS pass, as long as you keep your eye on a positive future. Good luck, dear....

Tricia

[wanting4#1]

First, I'm really sorry that you are feeling like this. Depression is an awful thing to have and worse, when no one seems to understand around you.

I know that there are safe medications (I think, but won't swear to, that wellbutrin is one of them), but I think your first course of action would be to schedule an appointment with your OB/GYN. If he/she dismisses this as typical pregnancy symptoms, contact another doctor (a family doc or internist may be able to help, too!). Don't stop until someone listens to you.

I've been where you are (not with the pregnancy on top of it, but the feelings) and you are right, therapy isn't enough. Sometimes, I just need to the meds for long enough to feel like I can combat it on my own, again.  But it's better to get this addressed now then before the baby comes and your hormones do even more to your mental state!

Good luck and I'll keep you in my prayers!