when to tell the kids

[blessedx3plus]

I am 37 and I have a 9,5 and 2 yo. I would love to tell them now just so they know mommy needs to be stress free but of course I can't do that since I am only 7w 4d. And I have had 3 mc in the past 2 yrs. My 3rd was adopted just in case you were doing the math on that. Is it best to wait until you are like 20 weeks so you can say we are having a baby and it is boy or girl? Or maybe I could tell them around 16 weeks at Christmas?

[chloegc1023]

I told my 8 yr old son that I was pregnant right around 10 wks because I felt he should know why his mommy wasn't feeling good and all I wanted to do was sleep or rest.  But I explained to him not to tell ppl just yet in case baby didn't develop all the way.  He asked why, and the way I explained that was like planting a seed in the ground and the seed starts to grow, then all of a sudden it stops growing and sometimes we don't know why it stops.  So we don't want to tell everyone because it's hard to explain why it happened, all we know is that sometimes it happens.  I think the way I broke it down would make it easy for a young child to understand.  he was very supportive of me and will be a wonderful big brother when baby brother arrives.  

[GeekMom1213]

My 3.5yo thankfully is young enough and bright enough to be very understanding of simple and clear explanations. We have had two miscarriages in the last year at 11 and 12 weeks respectively, and he had been told about both pregnancies. He knew Mama had a baby in her belly and then she didn't anymore - that something went wrong, the baby wasn't growing right, and wouldn't be born after all. He knows that someday he will be a big brother and he's really excited to have a baby brother or sister someday and be a big helper to Mama and Daddy. And he was wonderful and very snuggly and sweet when Mama was "sick" and recovering on the couch.
I guess my point is that I'm glad I told my son that we were expecting even though it didn't have a happy ending. He wants to be involved - he wants us to grow our family as much as we do. I didn't want to keep anything from him. I would've preferred that he wasn't there for the (routine first-trimester) ultrasound that diagnosed the second miscarriage but it hasn't scarred him in any way - I don't think he remembers it as a negative experience because we kept our emotions in check.

TL;DR - Pregnancy and birth is one of the biggest, most exciting events in any family. No way would I want to be secretive about it for four or five months. My child has the right to know, and to prepare along with us.

[DCS78]

Hi I am 8 similar situation I have 3 age 9,6 and 2yrs , I had 2 miscarriages earlier this year, I am now 5wks and not telling get kids until Xmas when all going well I will be 12 weeks.  Good luck with your pregnancy I know how scary it is after a miscarriage, do you check the loo paper each time you wipe just in case there is blood?? I am so paranoid. Fingers crossed it all goes well for both of us. 4 children each, are we crazy??? I expect friends will think so!! :)

[DCS78]

Hi I am 8 similar situation I have 3 age 9,6 and 2yrs , I had 2 miscarriages earlier this year, I am now 5wks and not telling get kids until Xmas when all going well I will be 12 weeks.  Good luck with your pregnancy I know how scary it is after a miscarriage, do you check the loo paper each time you wipe just in case there is blood?? I am so paranoid. Fingers crossed it all goes well for both of us. 4 children each, are we crazy??? I expect friends will think so!! :)

[azulita35]

I told them after my first trimester just in case. Do not want to deal with explanations mine are 13 and 16

[maggie574]

We told our 4 & 6 year olds at about 16 weeks...they were the first to be told. I'm glad we waited past the first tri but not too long either...it's been fun including them in discussions about names, sleeping arrangements, letting them know how big (or little) the baby is right now. I think the more involved they are now, the better prepared they will be when baby is here...mostly your older two, not so much the 2yo.

My 4yo loves patting my belly and pretending there's a baby in her belly...I wouldn't want to miss this time with them, by them not knowing. Plus kids are smart...if you wait too long they'll figure something is going on and might be anxious over what that something might be.

[pania58]

I recomend holding out for young chirldren . I think about 30 to 35 weeks (of your pregnancy for a two year old.. I foind great books to read to my litle one they helped much.

[blessedx3plus]

Thanks everyone! Of course I would never be stress free, lol but a little less wouldn't hurt. So far so good though no spotting and my numbers are going up. Anxious about my sono and Dr. Appointment on Friday. It is hard to keep secret but I have done well so far besides the one person who guessed. And a couple of weeks ago my father in law told me I was glowing, that was crazy! He had no idea, I just laughed in my head.

[sasha_swtheart]

I would wait too. I didn't tell anyone until I made it past the first trimester. It was hard to keep the secret but I also didn't want the whole sympathy and explaining issues in case of miscarriage.

[mrskia3]

Yes it will be great to tell them after you know the genders that what I did with my two (10 & 5)

[Awil22]

We told my step-kids (17/14) at 18 weeks (21 wks now).  I think it would be fun to tell your kids at Christmas & the kids can have fun guessing if baby is brother or sister and be a part of your pregnancy.  Congrats! :)

[aaharmony]

That would be a nice Christmas gift for them. I hope you and your baby are happy and healthy.
Good luck momma

[RockRose]

Congratulations!

i wouldn't tell them you need to be "stress free".  That puts a burden on them to walk around on eggshells - and puts a damper on the joy of your pregnancy.  Kids will be kids,  and as you know,  will cause you stress.

Prayers for a healthy pregnancy -