"BD" vs. making love

[Miranda9]

This isn't TMI, but I want to admit this because I wonder if you have ever felt this way..

I'm feeling pretty pissed at myself right now.  Like I have almost wilfully set the stage for failure.

Since my m/c in October, I have been focusing on my goal to get pregnant and deliver a healthy baby.  I'm thinking about it all the time....learning new things....(ie saliva and KY is not good because it hinders sperm mobility...I never knew this. )

OK.  Then WHY have I only done the BD on ONE day over my highly fertile days?????  WHY have I set myself up this way?

I can blame it on other things.    It's crazy busy at work, I am sooo tired, he's tired....but I just didn't feel like "BD"ing.  You know.  The "BD'Ing is better for me if I'm not focusing on that objective.

I really have to learn to turn things off in my head.

[VASusan]

Pam,
Your comments really made me smile! :O)  Thanks. There is also much wisdom in them.
~Susan

[adgal]

Absolutely.  Always right around O time, I have an increased "appetite".  I agree, its probably natures way of letting us know!

[SoCalTricia]

Oh, yes...I've noticed the same thing.  Just like you - before O and before AF. I have actually read somewhere that there's some truth to that, and it's nature's way of making sure we procreate!

[kiaragirl]

Reading this thread made me want to ask this question....do any of you get more "interested" in your husband around your fertile time? I think I do for a few days before I get a positive OPK and wondered...if we listened to our bodies more would we get the timing right? But then I`m also like that just before AF so not sure what thats about. Anyone else have any experience/advise on this??

[Miranda9]

THANK YOU!  
LOL, you're all so right....I've just slipped into this mindset lately and I recognize for  I better change pronto!

(Update: well now it's been two tries, so we shall see....)

[smr08]

Hi Miranda,
   I know how you feel. After my loss in Oct. I could not wait to start ttc again. Well this is my week and we only bd'd once. I'm trying not to obsess about it but I can not help it.
Maybe if we just go with the flow we will get a BFP like Pam. I wish you the best.

                               Lori

[SoCalTricia]

I, too, agree with everyone...I was only TTC for two months, and it was already getting tiresome. My DH was getting irritated at "that little stick telling me when to make love with you." A couple of times I didn't *tell him the stick said to, and I just tried to seduce him so he wouldn't be irritated about it. Unfortunately, he can add up the days, too, and knew what I was doing...lol. I can imagine that things would just get more tense to longer we TTC.

I'm not sure what the answer is...but I do agree that TTC can become an obsession. And if you're focusing all your time and attention on *that, you're not focusing it on what is really the important foundation of a family - your marriage! If you don't have a healthy marriage, then bringing a new baby into the relationship just stresses it - which I'm sure you already know!

[adgal]

I'm with the other's.  Go easy on yourself.  I know what you mean though, as Pamela said, BDing is becoming like a job.  A smiley face on a little stick rules our sex life it seems like.   I have decided to adopt more of Pam's way of doing things, just relax about it.  I am starting a new job next week, mainly because sitting around waiting for my fertile days and waiting for a BFP are making me crazy, it;s just not healthy.  It's time for me to get back to living, and not allow this to take over.  I too just want to enjoy my husband.  Although, I know I will still be temping and doing OPK's, but thats mainly because I need to feed my addiction...lol.  I think most of us trying to conceive are going through what you are...hang in there girlfriend, its going to be ok!!!  

[PamelaBee]

Hi Miranda, I was thinking and feeling the exact same you you are a few months back!  Although, I've never experienced a miscarriage, which I'm very sorry for you loss, but nonetheless, TTC is a full-time, mind consuming, and at times...an impersonal JOB!!!  I was literally grabbing my husband by his neck tie when he would walk in the door after work and say "OK, take your pants off let's get going!!!"  How romantic is that?  Let me say it's like pouring ice cold water over someone...they freeze right up!  I too became frustrated and thought, this is nut's, we're like robots going through the motions to meet a goal...PREGNANCY!  So, I changed my atitude about it, and decided to stop counting the days, stop watching my cm, stop taking my temperature, stop taking OPKs and just let nature take its course.  Then BAM, just days ago on Nov 29th, I got a BFP, AND we only BD once during my fertile period.  So, believe me, it can happen, it will happen, but relax your efforts.  Try to really think about making love and focusing on your man instead of his sperm meeting your egg...which one sounds more sexy?  : )  Best of luck to you, and believe me, I know it's easy for me to dish out this advice now that I've become pregnant, but it really worked for me, and I think it will work for you and many others that are making getting pregnant their main priority.  Pls keep me posted!  Pam

[40smama]

Miranda - you've gone through a big ordeal in October from your m/c and I'm so sorry about that - been there twice and it's truly awful to deal with.  I think you need to cut yourself a HUGE break and not be hard on yourself about the bding.  I truly believe that it'll come w/maybe a little more time.  Take care of yourself - that's the first step - hugs, jen