Why a woman is afraid to see a doctor?

[cocoman08]

My is Paul. My fiance and i are living together in North carolina. We have been together for almost 8yrs and trying to get conceive, but every time i try to confront this issue to her she become irritated and nervous. I used to talk to her on several occassions regarding this subject and she will say different things to give an excuse, also she will cause  an argument over the subject that will upset me and don't want to talk about it anymore. what can i say or do in order for us to see a doctor with my support. She doesn't have any kid yet but i have three kids with my previous lady. I dont know if she has a problem and do not want to tell me or does not feel confortable sharing it with me. How can i handle this situation for her to get checked and know whats the problem. I do not want to leave her just because she's facing hard time conceiving a baby, but i want to be her baby daddy and i'm also stress out too. what help can we get and how can i convince her to see a doctor. I also beleive something is not right but i want to know so we can be as happy as ever before. THaNKS.

[melimeli]

ok I am going to come out of left field here.. Does she go to the dr. at all?  does she see her gyn for other reasons?  Could she have aids? Did she have an abortion when she was young?   Maybe she thinks she might have and is scared to go because they may test her...  anyway that is what popped in my head while I read your post...  

[YvetteY]

I think this sounds like an issue with your girl.   If she hasn't been able to get pregnant in 8 years and you've been trying to conceive without contraception it falls into the infertility category.   And it doesn't sound like she's doing her part in the effort if in fact that is something you both want.  

Another posted said she may be being upfront with you.   I have no idea how old she is either.   Perhaps if she's over 40 that's why she's having a hard time conceiving.   You did mention the phrase baby daddy which is think is something younger people say in general so maybe your girl isn't quite 40.  But if she is ....then it's a lot harder to try to get pregnant.  

So my guess is that she is not being up front with you.  Maybe she doesn't want kids.  Maybe she had her tubes tied.  In any case you need to discuss this with her.   I doubt that she is afraid to go to the doctor.  People go into relationships and in general they are upfront about things like having kids.  And I believe you have totally expressed this to you.  If you find out that she doesn't want children and that's what this is about...although it's hard, it's fair enough on your part to leave the relationship and be in one with someone who wants the same things as you.    Otherwise you just have to change if you want to be with her and give up the baby idea if that's something she does not want.  

Also here are a couple of things I was concerned about with regard to having a baby with my DH way back when....the money involved with raising a baby (God only knows what daycare costs these days), not being able to sleep in, having an anchor with a diaper for the next 3 years, my DH was a still a bit immature at 35 and 36,  and in general all the responsibility of a baby, oh yeah and gaining weight.   Maybe she's having some of those issues and maybe they're realistic.  Bottom line sounds like you need to talk!!!  

[40smama]

In my opinion, it's virtually impossible to "make"  a woman to see her gynecologist.  There could be multiple reasons for this:  sexual abuse (not meaning to suggest your partner has suffered that) for example.

You can't make her to see a dr - the only thing you can do is stay positive at this point.  If she wants a baby bad enough, again in my opinion, she'll eventually go.  The only thing that concerns me is if she's 40+ - then there is a concern as fertility drops dramatically at this point.

I wish you much luck.

[PamelaBee]

Hello Paul and thank you for posting.  You sound like a very thoughtful and caring man.  Your desire to express openly and honestly with your fiance is a trait most women crave for in a man, so I applaud your efforts in trying and wanting to communicate this subject with her.  You've been together for 8yrs, so I would think you would know pretty much all there is to know about each other.  Do you even know if she wants children?  I could be off base with this next question, but you mentioned you have 3 children with a previous woman, and that you want to be your fiance's baby daddy...are you intending on marrying your fiance?  Perhaps she is skeptical to have children with you unless you are fully committed and married.  Other than that Paul, all I could suggest is keep communicating and hopefully she will be open up and be receptive to having a baby with you.  Is she over 35, and maybe concerned with having children at her age?  I'm only guessing without knowing anything more than you stated.  I do wish you much luck, and hope that you can work things out between the two of you, because having a baby as you know takes two. : )  Best of luck to you, and please keep us posted.

[tivey]

It is really hard to advise you without knowing the full picture but I would say a couple of things. You have to convince her that no matter what the outcome is you are there to support her 110 percent. She could feel for some reason she can't get pregnant and if that is confirmed then maybe she thinks you will leave her. I am not sure but these are things you have to consider. I would also tell her that medicine nowadays can literally preform miricles and stories on this website are testimont to that.
Good luck and if you both get to the first appointment then I am sure things will work out from there. But be warned this can be a hard journey trying to get pregnant esp when your older, the emotional rollercoaster for both of you but in particular her will be a hard one and you both have to be v strong together.

My husband is there for me all the time and I know its not easy considering the mood swings on these hormones, dealing with the utter disappointment when things don't work, give up drinking! but I would not have been able to get through all this myself.

After 2.5 yrs and losng one I just found out I am pregnant a few days ago and although its v early days all of what has happened up to this is almost forgotten already and hopefully we are about to embark on a  great journey.

I hope it works out for you too good luck and I will pray for you both.

  tivey

[alikat1205]

perhaps she is not being completely honest about her desire to be pregnant right now.