Ok, I just checked out the 20 and under pregnancy forum and I am so very upset! Why are these girls getting pregnant so young? Don't their parents even talk to them? I don't understand a 13 year old having sex and then asking if she could be pregnant?! A 17 year old with twins! They don't use protection, don't they realize they could get an STD or AIDS? Where are the parents? Wake up America and talk to our children, boys and girls, they really need the help and also some help on spelling also :)
I might be attacked for this but I'm going to be totally honest here. I am 40 years old now, I had my first mutual sexual experience at age 12. No, it was not the smartest thing to do but who at 12 is smart.
Let me explain my life.
At 4 years old I was sexually abused by first, a neighbor girl and her friend. I trusted this girl. She and her friend took me to a vacant house and under the carport tried to take my clothes off. I can remember crying and fearing for my life. They didn't actually do anything sexual to me because a man in a concrete or dump truck drove by and noticed what was happening, he stopped and made them stop but I knew what they were about to do to me. I ran home, scared to death. After this happened, my cousin who was older than me, about 15 years old, who the family trusted to babysit us kids decided to sexually abuse me. I was maybe 4 years old. What I can remember of it is that he had me in the hall, he was on top of me, I remember his body going up and down on me and his words were, "you better not tell anyone because if you tell and your dad finds out, he will kill me and he will go to jail forever and you will never see him again" I didn't tell a soul. My daddy was my world, my protector, my friend, I didn't want him going to jail and I couldn't bare the thought of him going to jail and never seeing him again. He was all I had. I must have blocked this out of my memory because I remember that I hated this cousin. I couldn't understand why though. I remember if he called I would hang up on him, I was mean to him. It came back to me in my 20's, I finally realized that I wasn't a mean little girl, I was lashing out in the only way that I knew I could. What he did to me changed me though. My innocence was gone. At age 4 I remember looking at men's crotches and wondering what "theirs" looked like. I can remember being excited about sex even though I had a bad experience. This is all at age 4. No, my parents didn't have a clue. I associated attention with sex.
At age 12 I lost my virginity to some boy who got me drunk and took advantage of me, it wasn't something that I wanted.
At age 14, my father died. I lost my world although I had no clue how bad it was going to be. My mother totally distanced herself from us kids. If we were not sent away we were fending for ourselves. It was kind of like living a V.C. Andrews story. Well, at that same age, I was sent to live with my Aunt, she had a male roommate who was 35 years old. I was basically her babysitter for her 6 year old daughter. I loved it, I was free to do anything I wanted to. I could drink, do drugs, stay out unless she needed a sitter. Well, she was out one night, I had been smoking pot with her roommate and drinking. The next thing you know, he is on his knees in front of me fondling my breasts. I pushed him away, told him no and went to sleep in the bed with my little cousin. I fell asleep, not realizing I was in danger. I wake up to someone (him) pulling my tampon out, lifting me up and telling me he is going to show me what a man is like. I was terrified. I didn't say a word. I thought if I pretended to be asleep he would just put me back and leave me alone. That is not what happened. He took me to his room and had sex with me. I didn't tell about this one either. I was scared of getting in trouble. Well, I eventually told my boyfriend years later. He in turn got so mad that he told my mother. Her reaction was, Melissa is a very Promiscuous girl, that was something she wanted. I was crushed when he told me what she said but not shocked. She was never there for us kids.
I ended up getting pregnant a couple of weeks before I turned 16. It was not that I was trying to get pregnant, it just happened.
I believe from my experiences with being molested, these girls have deeper issues and to get mad at them is sad. The reason I didn't "tell" was because I was scared of getting the reaction that some of you are giving to these girls. Being molested at 4 years old changed my life. It opened up new doors that I didn't realize were there. I was looking for the wrong attention. What I don't understand to this day is that my mother knew I was sexually active but chose not to put me on birth control. Why?
I have a beautiful 23 year old son who I wouldn't give up for the world. He is the one thing that I would not take back and I talked to him about sex from a very very young age. I let him know that getting someone pregnant would cause a childhood like he had. He listened. He is 23 and childless. I had an open relationship with him through his teen years and let him know he could talk to me about anything. He did and still does. Sometimes I he tells me too much but I don't let him know that, I want him to always feel comfortable in telling me anything which is something I never had.
My being molested also created an obsession, I was obsessed in making sure my daughter was not molested. I would not let my kids out of my sight. I also checked my daughters vagina OFTEN.
You really can't put the blame on anyone. Who's to say that my life would have been different if I were not molested though? We all live such busy lives now days that we really don't have a clue what our children are doing. I know my parents didn't have a clue about some of the things I was doing. My mother did know I was having sex but I could have become pregnant at 12 when she didn't know. Is it my fault at 12 for having sex and seeking attention from boys in that way? I was a child. Is it my parents fault for not knowing? no. There is no blame, people/children are going to do what they want to do. They will find a way.
most of us have been abused or raped or have something happen, but im so glad you two were able to share such a story. to remind us it can happen under our noses.
melissa i am so sorry your mom wasnt emotionally available. its hard to imagine a mom that isnt there for you, but there are so many like that. as parents we can do what we feel is best, and when i read something like this i remember to kick it up a notch and talk more, be more honest and open. my best friends son is 15 and is very open with her. still a virgin, and talks about more than i think she might want to know, but wont ever change that because they have the best relationship.
Woman that almost brought me to tears! I am so glad you shared that. You went through more than any child should ever have to go through! I APPLAUD you for all that you have went through and becoming the person you are today!!!! (((SANDI))) If I was next to you girl I would give you the biggest HUGG ever along with melissa. You also went through alot and now I see where your strength comes from!!!! I was never in a situation of neglect or molestation. I was one of those fortunate kids that had good parents back in the 70's and 80's. As mentioned before by others on here ....I just happen to do what I wanted to do at age 16 ( I wasn't a bad kid at all) and got pregnant at almost 17. So it does go to show you that even with good parenting skills your child is going to do what he or she wants to do. I feel that I am one of the lucky ones that has kids that have learned from watching there friends suffer and of course my kids know about my teenage life of gettting pregnant at such a young age. My daughter often comments on me and says "mom ...you were a bad girl" and I do clarify on that comment and say "No, I wasn't a bad girl...I just made bad choices" which has made me a much more resposible mother today!!!!
I do think there are exceptions to the rule.. but generally parents are at fault... parents these days are sooo busy being their child's "friend" that they don't ever want to upset them and therefore children have no rules or moral standards... it is very sad.. I am a teacher and I see it everyday.. parent parenting out of guilt because they never see their children because of work... parents so tired it is just easier to let them do what they want... for gods sake the 17 year old neighbor of mine's had her baby 3 days after me and her parents let her boyfriend live there with her since she was 14!!! saying you couldn't afford birth control is a big cop out also! A baby is a lot more expensive than a shot and planned parenthood will pay for birth control... Most of the time what these children having babies are lacking from their parents is the love of a father... most come from broken homes... I am not being critical... jeez I have 2 daughters from my first husband and I KNOW this increases their risk of being sexually active young... they try to replace the love and attention they don't get from their dad with a little boy... and it doesn't matter if they see their dad it isn't the same as him being there everyday... It all comes down to parenting... do the hard work while they are young or pay for it when they are teens.... that being said there are always exceptions to every rule but they are few and far between
Yes, you will be the person you are, no matter what. If you think that you can tell a 15 year old what to do, you are mistaken. I know that if someone would have said no to me at that age I would have found a way, and DID.
My oldest son tells me everything, he did not lose his virginity until he was 17 and it wasn't because he didn't have girls throwing themselves at him. Do you know what he did when he got home? He told ME. How many mothers have an open enough relationship with their son for them to feel secure enough to come home and say Mom, I had sex for the first time. Not only did he tell me that but he also told me he felt used because the girl left once they were done. Thank God he goes the condom route though. He doesn't want kids but at 23 that doesn't stop him from going out there and having sex. In him doing so, that is his choice and nothing I can do.
I also have a 13 year old son who will probably make me a Grandmother before I want to be. At 13 he is already sexually active. It has nothing to do with bad parenting, not being there for him or not meeting his needs. I have a very good relationship with each teacher when school is in session and I email weekly. Right before the end of the school year he was to be punished for being disrespectful to me and his female teachers. He didn't like it so he packed his stuff and moved in with his father where he can do what ever he wants to do. I raised him the same way that I raised my oldest son, it didn't work. Kids come with no handbook specific to each child. For those that believe that if you are there for your child constantly and watch their every move will have kids that will not get into trouble, you are highly mistaken.
The kids that were the teachers kids were the ones I partied with, along with the ones who went to catholic school. They had the best parties! Why? Because their parents were too busy saying...Not my child... If those words come out of your mouth you are going to eat them sooner or later. I promise you.
As far as the mother who couldn't afford the pill for her daughter, I know the position she is in and unless you can walk in someone else's shoes you should not be pointing the finger. When you point your finger at someone, you have how many pointing back at you???? Instead of finger pointing look up the resources in that community and give information, listen to someone and really appreciate what they are saying. Sometimes an ear is better than a pointing finger. Also, remember that you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar!!!!
You are a teacher, as you say, so I will not try to tell you that I know what your job is like other than having homeschooled my own children for a period of time. That, too, I am sure you will have something smug to comment on but I suggest you don't.
One day, you too will be the parent of a teenager. When you reach that point may you never be disappointed in your angel. Until then I suggest you not comment on something you "think" you know something about. Being around teens hardly makes you more than a "babysitter" of sorts.
Now, I am done with this post as it is getting out of hand.
To those of you that shared your painful personal experiences, I am so sorry, yet touched by the strength you have to share that. I was never sexually abused but was emotionally, phsychologically, and physcally abused from the age of 8-16. I attempted suicide and almost succeeded. My oldest daughter was my ticket out. My relationship is still strained with my mother over her choices as a parent. I do not really talk about my teen years anymore as I (personally) hate thinking about it.
I made choices and live with them, good and bad. There are no perfect parents no matter how hard you try.
Can we get back to our pregnancys and new babys? Isn't that why we are really here afterall?
I am big enough to recind about teen parenting as I reread your post and do not know the ages of your daughters. Either way, you have a right to your opinion no matter how offensive it may be. I did the best I could and Planned Parenthood isn't free to all, check the facts. I have been there done that.
why the attack on meli? what did she say that was so wrong? i agree you cant be a friend to your child. i dont mean you have to be stern and all rules all the time but come on you are there for one reason, to teach the right way and to lead them by example. tonight i saw a mom of two teen girls wearing a tube top with no bra, white see through pants with no chonies, and the girls wore skirts that barely covered their !@sses. what kind of mom was she? a friend. we all have different parenting skills, and only us as moms can choose what is the best way, but there are some ways that are rediculous. i dont want to sound preachy or whatever but if your 13 yr old son is having sex, how and when and where? are you never home? does he have free time without adult supervision? i was a teen and at 13 i wasnt allowed to roam the streets. i had someone home when i came home from school, and if i didnt i knew better than to leave the house or have anyone over. i wasnt perfect but im sure some will say i am coming off thinking that it always happens when someone doesnt like what is said.
its starting to become a maury show here. there are ways to bring up responsible teens, that will still do things they shouldnt, but dont let them run wild about town!! be strict, know where they are, know their friends, be parents not their buddies. hopefully those of you who were teen parents can change things so its not a family ;tradition.
oh and I think home school is great for those who do it well... It is hard for kids to have in influence of all the "bad" kids in class that get all the attention because of behavior problems.. many times the well behaved kids don't get what they need because of that... and well if you are so poor you can't afford birth control it is free at planned parenthood if you don't qualify it is because you make too much and as I said birth control is much cheaper than raising a child... oh I take that back I guess well fare is there to foot the bill..
Until you are the parents of a teenage daughter, it's hard to judge. I highly doubt it's my fault that my girls made tremendous mistakes by having sex WAY, WAY too early. I did all I could do about educating them - maybe I went overboard. However, they are accountable for their actions - even at 17 years of age.
Tennessee - I think you need to rethink some of your statements about the parents being at fault. There are parents who are at fault but not every single one of them!! In fact I would go so far to say teenagers have to take responsibility for their actions.
Also, being a friend to your child doesn't mean you let them run around town dressing trashy and being out all hours of the night. Far from that for some of us. I don't know if my girls at that time would call me a 'friend' but they did confide in me. I'm positive it wasn't about everything but I knew what was going on in their lives. You might think that's the reason they made the mistakes that they did. I believe I set good examples for them (and some lousy ones as I got pregnant during college). I was brutally honest w/them about consequences of their actions - all of them.
I don't blame my parents for me getting pg at the age of 19. They were devastated and hugely disappointed in me. I crushed them in a way- still feel that way. 19 is a lot different than 15 or 16 but in some ways it's not. No matter what we do the best we can - most of us anyway.
Now to contradict myself: the other day my dh dispensed plan b to a girl whose entire family - including grandma - was there. They were somber but supportive & impressed upon the girl the seriousness of her actions (she was 15). Then the same day, he dispensed it to a girl whose mother had come w/her. They were lighthearted and joking about it and he was sickened. Maybe the mother was having some midlife crisis and trying to relive her youth through her child, who knows.
One more thing I'll say and then i'll shutup (I promise). I told my son that if he had sex w/a peer (girl), he was going to get his @ss kicked by me! I told him that there was no teenage girl who 'wanted it' - it was a myth - not totally true but I wanted to get a point across to him that boys most often manipulate young girls into 'doing it' & it leaves them w/the mess to deal with. It's not fair but it's the way it is which is why I had to say that to my son. I definitely wasn't his friend, I can tell you. Sorry for the rant!!!
of course we all make mistakes!!! and we all have a story to tell... Im not even going there..lol would be way too long. As long as a lesson is learned, is all that maters.
I have worked with children, TEENs at that. so I see the peer preasure put on them everyday. Thank God, because it gave me the road to go with my dd. and a heads up on how to go about it. Some of these things would curl your toes if you knew.
parenting is tough !!!! so who do you blame if its not the parent? OMG... Im talking about the big picture.. when it comes down to the root of the problem I believe its the parent.......for whatever reason.
yes... I have had some big challenges with my dd. there again, not going to explain for I would need a whole post. but I will tell you, I took care of the issue the best I knew how. and by golly I waited tables to make it happen. and I will do the same with this one, ugh.. if able.
I went back and re read my post.. and there again?...I have no problems accepting the fact that my child is a product of how she was raised.
for those that arnt taking blame of your childs action? who are you blaming? geez.. must be the school teacher? even the Law... waits till their 18.
my point is... Teens (boy or girl) need to be raised just as we raise toddlers. Just because they get alittle older doesnt mean you stop talking and teaching and asuming they know better. A parents job is never over! hell... Im 45 and am blessed to still have a parent alive to drive me crazy and make sure IM at my best.
let my clarify my friend comment for those who couldn't understand it..
A mom is not a friend until the child is an adult.. they are a mom...
friends go to each other with their problems...
A child goes to their mom with their promblems... moms should not go to their children with their problems... I remember when I was 16 telling my bf mom.. Jessica is 16 she can't handle your problems.. you need to figure them out yourself not burden your child with them...
so a child comming to you with their problems is being a mom not a friend because in a friendship it is two way...
Friends don't set down rules and guidelines for each other, moms do.. many parents are too busy trying to never upset their kids when they are young... and then when they are 15 they try to then tell their kids that they can't do something.. if you haven't established that while they are young they wont listen to you when they are teens...
my motto if you are a good mother you child should sometimes think in their head.. I hate my mom or she is so unfair. If not that means you are just letting them do what ever they want, which is easier but not effective as a parenting tool.
Also kids should look to you as a moral compass and strength, they don't look to their friends as that.
they should have a higher level of respect for you and should worry about dissappointing you than they do for their friends.
oh I don't know a million things more..
think about if a person 30 years older than your child wanted to be their friend.. you would be suspect, and think what is wrong with that person that they want a friend so much younger, what do they have in common with a child, and you might even go to the police... well you are that much older than your child.. that is why you are not their friend you are the parent I repeat again that does not mean you arn't their for your child to come to, you are moms are always their for their children. you always are their to listen, to guide, to love and to nurture that is a moms job always, unconditionally forever... that is not a friend that is a mom...
I don't care if you dissagree... because on this one I am 100% sure I am right... but go ahead if you want to be a "friend" instead of a mom to your kids.. go ahead and do that and see how it works out for you..
I never thought my post would attract so much attention, bottom line is we need to do the best we can with our children , teach them morals, to be good people and pray they don't stray from it...It was very sad to me to read the posts of the women who were "abused" in some way, my point is that it all starts somewhere, with the abuser perhaps. That is why it is so important to be a good parent so we aren't raising the abusers or vice versa, we need to stop the cycle and it starts at home.
No, my son was not allowed to go out and run the streets. I imagine you were never this "type" of child. Where there is a will, there is a way.
At 12 years old, I waited until my parents fell asleep and I snuck out of the house. That is the first time I had sex. I snuck out quite often to the point that my parents had our windows bolted shut, had a key deadlock and when they left, my mother would take all of the phones in the house and lock us in with the deadbolt. There was supposedly no way out.....you know what??? I figured out how to take the bolts off of the window. She never knew I was gone....
My son went to go live with his father because he decided my rules were not the correct ones for him. He totally changed in personality over night and when I tried to correct that bad behavior, he left. Being that his father would do anything to hurt me, he was there to catch him along with others. His father is playing the good parent bad parent deal and right now he is the "good" parent as far as my son goes.
I discovered he was having sex from his Myspace, you can find out a lot about your children and who they are if you can read their pages. What can I do about it? Nothing. No, his father doesn't let him "run the streets" like some little thug BUT he does go to the water park, baseball games, friends houses, sleep overs. You cannot be there every second of every day of a child's life.
A few years ago I was watching the news where this mother chained her daughter to herself while they slept, she would sit with her in all of her classes, she was never unattached from her daughter. In order for us to know everything our children are doing, who they associate with and to keep them from making bad decisions, we would have to do this. How many of us as single parents struggling to pay the light bill have time to do that?
My son will no longer speak to me, I have no control over what he does. It breaks my heart to see him going down the path that he is. What do you do? In Louisiana, through the courts, it is his choice as to who he lives with.
My point is, if you raise your child with your eyes closed and believe that your child will never do a certain thing because of the way you have parented them, you are mistaken. Children know how to play their parents and do. My 13 year old played me like a fiddle. You can never trust your child completely.
Even though my 23 year old tells me a lot, he doesn't tell me EVERYTHING. I know there are things that he doesn't tell me. I am just grateful he felt comfortable enough to come out and talk to me about sex and drugs when the time came. Even with him talking to me and me letting him know where some of his choices would get him, he did still get in trouble.
There is no easy way to parent out children.
I have an example. I was constantly up my younger son's behind, I knew his every move. My older son had a friend who was not parented at all. He was allowed to come and go as he pleased, do what he wanted to do, go where he wanted to go, be friends with who ever he wanted to be friends with, nobody pushed him to go to school. This kid had nobody there for him. Sometimes this kid wouldn't go home at all. BUT, even with all of that, this kid got himself to school every single day, had a 4.0 grade average and he is now in College for an Engineering degree. How can this child be this way and my son turn the way he did? I don't have that answer.
I do hope that those of you pointing the fingers have children like this and not children like I was. Nobody could have told me no, if you told me no, that was like a challenge. I was taken for counseling, I was put into drug rehab, I was put into a mental institution........I still made my own decisions once I was alone.
For the lady who is a teacher. I'm sure you have parents who are going through a problem with a child such as I was, I'm sure they are in contact with you and are at their wits end as to what to do because they have tried everything to turn their child, who they love, down the correct path but it doesn't work. I know that all of the "bad" kids in your class do not have parents that don't care.
I may be wrong but in my 40 years of parenting I have seen a lot of kids who are lost, not because they didn't have good parents that didn't care but because these kids chose their path. I have seen parents who said, not my kid but it was THEIR kid. I have also seen kids with bad parents who turned out wonderful. When the sperm meets the egg, you have no idea what the end result is going to be when they hit their teens.
ladies, i am not quite sure where this is getting any one.
what is the bottom line here???? are some of us going to pop into the 20 and under every once in a while and try to help or are we all going to sit here and yell at each other? Cause while this is going on, many young ladies are crying for help and they are being ignored.
You by no means at all have to go into that forum but instead of making a stink about it, maybe we should try to help in anyway we can.
my mother had me when she was 16 yr old and she was the best mother i could ask for. she was very open with certain subjects but rest assure very strict when she needed to be. I do believe that a mother can learn the role of mom/friend but i do strongly believe the friendship piece becomes more developed as we get older. Since i have been about 18/19, me and my mom have been best friends but she still was my mom before that and always will be.
I am an example that even though your parents had you yougn, does not mean we keep following in those foot steps. I graduated from college and have a great job and home and within the past year just decided to TTC. Had 2 MC's unfortunately but i did wait til i felt i was in a good space, although i know i will never be 100% ready for a baby, no one knows what it will entail.
So i urge you ladies to take a stand and try to help rather than beat a dead horse.
by the way I teach second graders but you can see at this young age what bad parenting does.. I have kids beg me to tell their parents they HAVE to come to their music program because they know their parents will not come... no time for their kids.. don´t tell me what I see or what I know I have seen things that you make you cry... kids with burns caused by their parents... sex abuse by parents even a case of a mother prosituting her 7 year old so don´t tell me... and as I clearly stated there are ALWAYS exceptions to the rule whereno matter what the parent does a child will stray... I said that first off... but if kids are having sex at 12 I know in my heart they are lacking love, self esteem or something at home.. that is that... anyway I realize it is much easier not to accept the blame for your bad parenting... it makes us feel better and hell when do most american ever accept the blame for anything that goes wrong in their lives.. we are much better at blaming others or god fobid an innocent child that could have been much more if just delt a better set of cards.. Attack me I know it is much easier for you all to do that then to look in the mirror... it´s ok I´ll take all the blame for the poor choices people make... but it still does not change the end result.... doesn´t change the lives of your children... only you can do that
I taught all ages - but worked primarily w/middle schoolers as well as high school as well. I saw all kinds of parenting - even those who threatened to kick my hiney if I didn't stop sending his child to the principal's office - a lovely story - who do we blame for teenagers having sex? That's not a simple answer - do you blame the parent, teachers, society, themselves, etc., etc. A twelve year old having sex is not the same as a 16 or 17 year old for sure! They can't have accountability for their actions but darn it the teenagers need to take responsibility. As parents we do all we can do - attack me if you want - I don't see how I could've done more for my children. When does accountability kick in?
It seems to me women who've posted on this forum & thread do accept blame/accountability for their children. In fact almost painfully so - I can't speak for the rest of this country. I remember when my children were younger and I looked at parents of teenagers. I thought mine surely wouldn't do this or that. Lo and behold most of it they didn't do but oh my goodness - they sure went down some paths that they were taught not to. I have some very good examples but won't go into that.............
well i do quite the opposite, i parent with eyes and ears wide open. when i was a teen i wasnt interested in sex. i imagine you cant compare our lives because i wasnt sexually abused, and as sorry as i am that happened to you i believe that is what caused your pain to go out and do the things you did. i dont see why a post regarding 13 yr olds asking about how to get knocked up turned into a post regarding some of us cant parent lol. i have an honor roll student. he is respectful and caring and while only 10 he is not going to be going out of the house alone any time soon. i have taught him the right and wrong way to life since a small child, and i hope he continues to take that with him when he goes out in life. sure he will probably have sex before i want him too, but he will be equiped with the right knowledge and understanding of his actions rather than have a "friend" who says "they are going to do what they want anyway". its a shame you lost control of your son. i bet he hurts quite badly not having a mom around, and if you totally give up on him and wait for him to contact you , it will hurt even more. keep trying.
as far as accountability, its up to me to teach him. how do you explain all the good kids out there that dont go down that path? parents must have had something to do with it lol. never EVER stop trying. dont ever give up. the friends i had who were wild kids had parents that didnt care, they didnt eat together, talk as a family, play games on friday nights. parents did what they wanted and were happy to have the kids run the streets so they can have quiet or party. i wont ever stop giving my son the quality family time he wants and deserves. my god if someone doesnt want or cant handle that responsibility then they shouldnt be a parent.....
i really just dont understand how this is an issue! There were more teenage girls going onto the 21+ community asking for ttc info than there are at the 20- forum! I think some people just "heard" that there have been a lot of ttc questions there and got all outraged and appalled . but theres not. i go there frequently and hardly EVER see that sort of thing. and when i do, its ignored! if you cant do something as simple as ignore an idiotic question then, i dont even know. how should the forum be, in your opinion? young girls who find themselves in situations go there, ask questions from mostly ladies from the 21+ community, get their answers and learn from us. Whats your vision of how the place could be better???
i agree with luv2bmommy- me and her go into that forum all the time to promote safe sex and also trying to teach any that could be TTC to stop. which there are not as many as you think.
so instead of trying tp stop something you know nothing about, mayeb you should take a look into the forum. You could be getting rid of a safe place for young scared ladies to go because you all are being selfish and not reasonable in the least bit. I have never seen any of you tyring to help in that forum.
Also we should not be judging one another. this is a 35 plus forum and many people have their own misconceptions that older women should not be having children, NOT SAYING I DO, just tyring to make you all realize that everyone has their own opinion and NO BODIES is right.
so ladies either drop the subject or start trying to help out and giving good and safe information in that forum. WHy don;t you all go in there and take a look, it is alot of scared young girls who think they might be pregnant and are asking for help, not TTC.
this is the end of my beating a dead horse. Also i agree with luv2bmommy, none of you are helping vision how it could be better.
Leigh....you are 100% correct in everything you said....I am glad to see that you had a wonderful mother.
38yearoldprego.....You are correct also, there needs to be a reality check here because some people are living in a fantasy world thinking that just by giving your all to a child they will turn out to be what you dream of. That is not so.
40smomma....you go momma. I'm sure that teaching middle and high school is a job I WOULD not want to have. Teenagers are extremely tough and hard headed, but, I'm sure as well as the parents who disagree with you, you have many who are honestly trying to help their children get on the correct path who have tried everything but do not know what else to do.
melimeli.... You've made it as a second grade teacher, thats great. You have taken my whole post out of context. If you would have read the whole post you would have seen deeper into what I'm saying.
I did raise my child with morals, to know right from wrong, I was there for him daily, ALL of his needs were met although I am a single parent with no child support. We played games, went places, talked, did things together, I went to conferences, his school functions, emailed his teachers weekly, etc.. What I didn't know is that he is sexually active. I did not learn this until he went to live with his father. This can happen anywhere. A park, school, an outing at the water park, a baseball game, swimming, etc. He was the youngest, the baby. He knew how to play me like a fiddle. We talked, oh, can that kid talk. What I didn't know is that the majority of the things that were coming out of his mouth were lies. Again, we are talking about my youngest son. There is no talking to his father, if I say that my son should have a green flower my ex says he should have a red one. If I don't want him to have an ipod because he's punished, his father goes and buys one. When he went to live with his father, he immediately received a big screen lcd television for his room and a blackberry as gifts from his father.
At 12 when I had sex, I was NOT lacking love or attention. I was lacking being cool and acceptance from my fellow peers, the ones who were popular. I thought it was so important to be in with the "in crowd", it wasn't. At 40 you kind of see things differently.
If you are seeing that much abuse as a second grade teacher, it is your duty to call the proper authorities to HELP that child. There is no excuse for a teacher to see this on a daily basis and just sit back and watch it happen. We as a society must stick together for these children. I'm sure teachers see more of the abuse than any other BUT if you see it, do something about it. Don't just talk about it. These are the kids you can help.
As far as a child telling you to tell their parents that they HAVE to go to a function at school, most parents would jump through hoops. There have been a few functions that I could not go to that my son really wanted me to go to. As a single parent, with a job and no child support unfortunately work had to come first. That is what clothes and feeds him and also keeps a roof over his head. You have no idea what might be going on in the household to make the parent stay away from a function. They might be ill, they could have depression, there are so many circumstances that could keep a parent away. People are too quick to judge others.
If parenting is so easy and a good child result is so easy, how do you explain 5 children on one household being "good" and one taking the wrong path? You can be there for your children and still have them choose the wrong path without you knowing. Children are very manipulative and will tell you exactly what they want you to hear.
Parents who say "not my child" are normally the ones I hate to see walk through my door. They live in fantasy land and have fantasy children. They can't see beyond the perfect little children they think they have. It is a shame because those are the children who blind their parents once they are teenagers. I hope you have the children you wish for in your fantasy, if not, I hope you will be "grown up" enough to admit it.
As far as the 13 year old asking how she can get pregnant I didn't read it but from what others posed here and from what I could gather, she wasn't asking how to get pregnant but if she could get pregnant at 13 and yes, there is a big difference in a 13 and 16 year old having sex. BUT.... school and peer pressure is not at all the same as it was when we were in school. There are so many things now that you have to try to protect your children from. You can hardly allow them to watch tv or play a video game anymore. Do you honestly think that a 13 year old girl can go to their mother or father and talk about birth control? No, they are too ashamed and know their parents will not understand. If your daughter came to you at 13 and asked to be put on the pill, honestly, what would your reaction be?
My having sex at 12 was not willingly. I was taken advantage of while trying to be cool and in with the in crowd. The ones who's parents didn't believe they could get into trouble.
My only advice to you is to never say "not my child"
Noah slept through the night -YEAH! I wish my dh would write down my thoughts. He does a much better job of it. After doing more thinking, parents do have some responsibility here. They are responsible for teaching their children morals & values -heck even sex education should come from them in my lowly opinion. However, when parents have done all they can do in their own imperfection, I don't know. It's not a simple answer in other words especially as young people move towards adulthood. Not so much when they are younger.
I told you guys that I got pregnant at 19. After thinking and pondering over it, my dh pointed out that lack of self esteem/dysfunctional family probably played a part. But I would never tell my parents it was their fault I got pregnant. I realize my situation isn't the same for everyone.
I don't know what to do about the pregnancy 20and under forum. I still believe that these young girls would listen more to their peers than women our age even if we've been there. That's sad but when they do listen to their peers who've made something of their lives, then it can be a good thing.
I went into the pg 20 and under forum as well. I did see a few posts about ttc but mostly it was about the same thing - am I pregnant, could I be pregnant, etc. These girls sound scared for the most part.
I've basically said the same thing again!! Did I tell you guys Noah slept through the night?
i am going to show you all what i mean. i will go over and lend my wisdom and see if i can turn a bad situation into a good one. never happened before but im willing to either have a positive reaction or prove myself to be right. lol. it just needs someone to monitor what is being posted, to drop the posts regarding questions that are morally wrong for others to do. here i go! when addy goes back to bed late.r
I just thought of something that irks me is that a parent that does not take responsibility when his/her child messes up. For example, say your child goes into someone's home and brings alchohol (I can't spell tonight) & is underaged - let's say 14. He's caught & you're called. You acknowledged it's alchohol.. When it comes out later that this happened, you deny it and call the parents who caught him a liar. You child has no consequences ot speak of & gets off virtually scott-free. He makes no apology to the offending parents nor has any punishment.
This actually happened (as you can guess). I was the offending parent who caught two children & the parents didn't do a darned thing. THAT'S what irks the heck out of me!!!
I can think of a million more examples of parents who don't have their children make any sort of restitution & certainly you can read about them in the newpapers or hear about it on TV. Children mess up - it's what happens afterwards is what's important in my opinion.
We have a community leader (pcarsey) - I don't think we have a moderator per say although the forum is moderated by medhelp.
i agree that some parents are idiots and will not take action when their kids are at fault. we had some 10yr and 13ish yr olds break into a school in the area where i live. they did hundreds of thous. of dollars in damage. spray painted, broke all the computers, it was repulsive that these kids were able to get out of their house at night and do this!! the mom (whos words had to be translated) said if she knew they were going to do this she wouldnt have let them go. wtf?? they were as young as 10, what did they need to be doing out at night??? the parents also hid the computer he stole in an orchard, good parenting skills there!
if any of you want to show immaturity by making fun, go ahead, shows how your skills just might be lol
I was 20 when I had my first kid and 23 when I had my next and then had a tubal ligation. The man I had my kids with is my husband. The only thing that gets to me is when I see a 18yr old girl complaining that her kids father is not paying child support and shes oh so mad at this. And then having nerve to give sexual advice and pregnancy advice to other people older than her and younger. I just dont get it.
AGAIN instead of sitting on here clucking, maybe it's time to drop the subject and help out. but guess that is not able to happen cause the maturity level is just not there.
I am totally done with this now because the wheels keep spinning but we aint getting no where.
I will leave you with a great quote i heard today "He/she who never makes mistakes, never did anything that's worthy."
we all learn form our mistakes and some of these young ladies asking for help made mistakes.
"2wonderfulboys" thought this was a subject she would like to bring up and if people keep comming in with there opinions and ideas and so on,,then so be it. This is a place to talk about many things,,by many people,,at many times. Just like with any question posted on Medhelp shes looking for advice,,support and answers.
regggie, yeah you never heard of clucking like hens?????
i did see that pertykitty went into the 20 and under forum, good job perty, at least you got to see that it is not a bunch of girls askign TTC questions. it is mostly scared teenagers that made a mistake and are begging for someone to steer them in the right direction. so why don't we all try to be those someones who help steer?
Thanks!!! I am only curious and I don't understand this crazy world we live, but I can see that it needs lots and lots of help! I appreciate the fact that you "got" my intentions, I was only trying to see how people felt and boy did I get some difference of opinions :)
I think the whole 'you can't prevent it' can be b.s. to some. I know when I was a teen I wouldn't even dream about premarital relations because my parents would have killed me. The fear alone was reason enough not to date or even try anything with boys. I didn't do it until I was 19 and don't regret waiting. However, I will say I was stupid and that was partially my parents fault. While they were good at putting fear into me, they were also good at controlling me and refused to let me go on birth control pills. I remember when I moved back at 27 temporarily. My mom got a call from the pharmacist to confirm and she made him tell her what it was for. She threw a fit thinking that birth control pills caused cancer (they did in her day) and went in my purse and threw out the remaining bunch I had! The idiot didn't realize (or remember) that I was on them strictly for medical reasons. My periods were do bad I had to go on them. It wasn't a birth control option for me.
But I will say for my children, I am pushing education and putting the fear into them not to do anything until they're 18. It's not worth ruining your life with committments of a baby and a serious relationship before then.
i completly agree,.,,that having kids young should be prevented but you know what...i think its great that the 11 years olds parents were there to support her....thats the very youngest iver ever heard of and it is distubing..but dont you think that in the end its better for them to have the support then to have none and prob evd up on the street with that poor baby who never asked to be brought into the world...im not here to fight or start an argument i just wanted to state that even tho it should be prevented sometimes no matter what teens will do w.e they want! I think teen pregnancy need just as much support as anyone whois prengant weither its 11(which im still wowed at) to 40 odd...support is the best way to help them !
cluck cluck, i dont offend easy lol. i searched the archives but the posts were removed. it doesnt matter at this point, we are all going to keep posting our opinions and feel the way we do.
11 yr olds parents supportive??? here goes the bomb and ill drop it, she should have never been allowed to CARRY that baby to term. my son is 10, how the hell can a child carry a baby and understand what it is doing to her and physically deliver it without the possibility of death?
rip me a new one if you dont agree, but there isnt a way id put my childs life in jeapordy because of a pregnancy. not a fan of abortion but a fan of my kids health!
you can all keep posting your opinions as much as you think you need to..thats not what im saying at all....i think everyone is entitled to there own opinion...and im not a nurse and i never looked at it like that!! I dont think 11 year olds should even be having sex...like i said it is very disturbing that an 11 year old have a baby..i didnt start my period until i was like 13 so i am very amazed that there are actually 11 year olds having sex...probably earlier then that i might add.....i got pregnant at 15 and ended up having my baby at 16....it was very very hard...and even then i was no way ready to give birth to a child.....even tho i was older i still classified myself as a baby having a baby!! I am now 20 and even now with this pregnancy i find it very hard...every post that is posted over there in regards to teens asking how to get pregnant.,..i tell them my story and how hard it was in hopes they will change there mind and in no matter do i tell them how to conceieve!! And if it was my daughter that got pregnant at 11 i would prob be the same way...i to do not agree with abortion....but i do believe that support is the best....at any age,..think about it...her health was at risk but my guess is that was the choice she made with or without her parents....sence her parents were being supportive im guessing they were involved in her decision...that and the fact she is only 11!!! But like i said thats just my opinion...as i said above everyone on here can post what they what..its what the forum is for..support....opinions, thoughts and help...so post away!! lol
ok at 11 years old, that is just unthinkable to me too. who in their right mind allowed their child to have a baby at that age? i swear i might know 11 year olds that wet the bed...j/j. i would not have allowed my 11 year old to carry a baby. that could have killed that 11 year old, he body in no way shape or form was ready to handle that kind of trauma. also i would love to know the age of the boy she was with, i would smack the **** out of him.
melimeli- just because i am "only" 25 is not the reason why i appear to disagree. i do not disagree with you ladies that these girls should not be having babies at a young age, i fully agree that they should be waiting. i would never give TTC info to anyone younger than 22. But i do believe that these youngs girls are crying for help and if i can persaude them to have safe sex, since they will not stop having sex just cause we say so, well then i am going to promote BC, condoms etc anything i can. that was all i was urging the ladies here to help with. many of you ladies have great wisdom for these young girls and if you have the time to stop into that forum for 5 minutes a week, that was all i was saying to be done.
also i am wiser beyond my age and do not need to defend being 25 in the least bit. I know what i have, how much i have succeeded and what i have been through.
pertykitty- i am glad you took what i said with a grain of salt, it was never meant to offend anyone. I am just a blunt person. i think it is great that you popped into the forum. i commend you for that. did any of the girls respond back to you??? i find that many of them just read the posts and sometimes do not respond back, but other times they will.
Ok, I just checked out the 20 and under pregnancy forum and I am so very upset! Why are these girls getting pregnant so young? Don't their parents even talk to them? I don't understand a 13 year old having sex and then asking if she could be pregnant?! A 17 year old with twins! They don't use protection, don't they realize they could get an STD or AIDS? Where are the parents? Wake up America and talk to our children, boys and girls, they really need the help and also some help on spelling also :)
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