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young girls having sex
Ok, I just checked out the 20 and under pregnancy forum and I am so very upset! Why are these girls getting pregnant so young? Don't their parents even talk to them? I don't understand a 13 year old having sex and then asking if she could be pregnant?! A 17 year old with twins! They don't use protection, don't they realize they could get an STD or AIDS? Where are the parents? Wake up America and talk to our children, boys and girls, they really need the help and also some help on spelling also :)
I work at a hospital and we had a girl 11 years old delivering last weeks. Her parents we all excited and supporting her. I felt like just shooting them and telling them to wake the hell up. What is this world coming too?!
I just posted the very same post yesterday, but today I see that it's gone. I guess it offended too many people! WOW, go figure right. You get offended that someone talks about the problem, but not offended that there is a problem. I said it yesterday, and I'll say it again today. It's disgusting and it pisses me off, and if that offended anybody then GOOD.
So 2wonderfulboys your post will probably be gone by tomorrow. Dont step on any toes now! (SMILE)
Amy
So 2wonderfulboys your post will probably be gone by tomorrow. Dont step on any toes now! (SMILE)
Amy
OMG..... THATS FREAKN YOUNG!!!!! THERE BODIES ARE NOT EVEN DONE DEVELOPING YET!!!! I guess its better that we stay on our side of the court now girls....because our hormones are way to crazy for any of that!!!
i know who it offended, her sneaky police behavior is funny. i find it bothersome too its not ok to discuss the situation but its ok to tell an underage girl (girl not woman!!) how to get pg on a world wide forum and they are ok with that??? the world is going to you know where in a handbasket.......
I will respond the same way I did to prayerfulwifes, (I noticed it was missing today as well...I don't see what was so offensive), I just think its so sad. So many lives get messed up, the young girl giving birth and that little babies. They don't seem to understand this is not a doll they can play dress up with, its a living breathing helpless baby. And girls that age should be thinking about school dances, clothes, etc., not raising a baby. Maybe I am just really old or somthing, but at 13 sex and babies were the last thing on my mind. I wasn't even allowed to date yet, beyond a movie or gettogether at someones house (supervised) with a big group. It just really makes me sad. I guess that forum has its place, as these young girls who find themselves in that situation need support and advice they may not get at home, I just don't think they should be getting that advice from other 13 year olds. But it certainly shouldn't be a place where they get info on how to get pregnant, just where they can find resources, etc if they find themselves in that position. I know from time to time I have accidentaly responded to the ones coming in this forum, not realizing their age. It didn't even occur to me that a 13 or 14 year old would be asking advice on how to get pregnant. Its just so sad. What are they missing in their lives to make them want to do that.
Perty, I am pretty sure I know who reported prayerful wife's post as well. Apparantly she seems to run all the pregnancy sites at med help.
Perty, I am pretty sure I know who reported prayerful wife's post as well. Apparantly she seems to run all the pregnancy sites at med help.
we actually asked for an under 20 forum because we were getting so upset seeing them on our forum and it is hard to get so stressed when you are pg... it is hard because many of them are TRYING to get pg... I feel so sorry for the babies..
to have a pg forum for those already pg is great so they can share and get support. HOWEVER to have a forum that allows young children to ask how to get pg and then receive answers, well to me that is APPALLING!!!! there needs to be a very close watch on that forum. maybe if we all suggest that to medhelp then we can feel better about this site.
I noticed it was gone today too because I commented yesterday on it. Whatever, keep turning a blind eye.....good luck with that...STUPID.
hi ladies, well i responded to the posting in the 21 plus but it was deleted. i don't mean to be the odd man out here, but i go in the 20 and under all the time to check on the young ladies and help promote birth control and safe sex, so i am not sure who is telling you that they are getting info on TTC? i know that me and nother avid med help user are always stressing for these young ladies to go to the doctor's get checked and start using protection asap so they do not have any more pregnancy scares. I have not seen many TTC posts, mostly just scared girls who yes have made bad decisions to start having sex at a young age.
i am not their parents and not going to sit their and critize them to stop having sex because that just makes the matter worse. didn't you all do mostly everything that your parents or adults told you not to do?
so instead of getting mad, why don;t more of you drop into that forum and offer your adult wealth of knowlegde?
sorry if this offended anyone but i beleive that sitting around complaining about a problem does not solve it.
i am not their parents and not going to sit their and critize them to stop having sex because that just makes the matter worse. didn't you all do mostly everything that your parents or adults told you not to do?
so instead of getting mad, why don;t more of you drop into that forum and offer your adult wealth of knowlegde?
sorry if this offended anyone but i beleive that sitting around complaining about a problem does not solve it.
I posted to the other post last night and came back tonight to see if anything had been added. I wish that someone outside of my own household would have said something along the same lines as this to my own daughter. I did everything I could do to prevent her pregnancy but she was 17 when she got pregnant and 18 when she delivered. That may seem like a lifetime away from an 11 year old but having walked in those shoes I would have rather seen her go to college, marry a nice man and then plan on children. Instead she did it her way no matter what I said. She was not on birth control but it was due to the fact that I COULD NOT afford it, her father wouldn't help me and I had to work. I was up against a wall so not always can parents prevent it. Even if I would have been able to get her birth control it is only as good as the person who takes it. The system will hide abortions from parents but they are not helpful with prevention. I do not live in the city therefore access to Planned Parenthood was and is NOT available where we live. I took her there and they billed me directly (insurance covered nothing) for every test, procedure, pap, and pills and cost me close to 200 dollars for a three month supply. Most would think and say this is cheap in comparison to a baby. Well, when you are raising three teenagers with a new divorce and absolutely no help from their father (who claims he is a good dad) something is going to go. I could not NOT feed them, or let the rent go, or not put gas in the beater van I was driving to put her on birth control.
Now, the worst part is once she was pregnant the whole picture changes. All I had to do was prove that my insurance didn't cover and she was able to go to the health department for care and medicade took care of everything else. WTH? Wouldn't it have been cheaper to have supported birth control? No, I made too much money. I couldn't lock her up.........or quit my job.
So, do not blame the parents in all cases. I am not defending all situations but I find that when teens have babys they are more likely to grow up and repeat the same mistakes the parents make. Its a sad cycle and hard to understand if you have not been there. Some kids don't find love at home and "believe" a baby will do it for them. Others believe their boyfriend will stay if a baby is "on the way".
The saddest part is these teens believe that sex = love and this usually leads to many babys being born.
So, I believe that the more that is said, in the right way, by people on the outside of these childrens lives can help to reinforce what parents are saying to these kids. Many don't trust their own parents but if they are h earing it from others it might make a difference in some way.
I love my grandchildren but my daughter now realizes the life she threw away because she wouldn't listen. I can't imagine how it would be for her if she had been younger. I watched over her for a long time and refused to allow her to NOT take care of her children. I made her be a Mom since thats the role she asked for. She returned to school and finished her HS education on time. She is an exception to the rule and has a pretty good full time job. Its not the education I had hoped for but I can't live her life for her. I support her as much as possible and will tell her that I am proud of her accomplishments but will also let her know when I don't approve. I am her mother still.
As for these boards sometimes what is found to be offensive actually needs to be said. Instead of deleting posts that come off as "offensive" more consideration should be taken to content. Yet, they find nothing wrong with a minor soliciting information on pregnancy advice??? There is something wrong with that picture I think.
For all of you that have children that are coming into their teens or already there realize that like those parents you cannot control or be there for every step your child makes. If they have their minds set on doing something they will find a way. None of us are perfect parents and until you are finished raising your children. Parenting has been the hardest job I have ever had and even swore that my kids wouldn't do this or that. Our kids will decide whether we like it or not.
Now, the worst part is once she was pregnant the whole picture changes. All I had to do was prove that my insurance didn't cover and she was able to go to the health department for care and medicade took care of everything else. WTH? Wouldn't it have been cheaper to have supported birth control? No, I made too much money. I couldn't lock her up.........or quit my job.
So, do not blame the parents in all cases. I am not defending all situations but I find that when teens have babys they are more likely to grow up and repeat the same mistakes the parents make. Its a sad cycle and hard to understand if you have not been there. Some kids don't find love at home and "believe" a baby will do it for them. Others believe their boyfriend will stay if a baby is "on the way".
The saddest part is these teens believe that sex = love and this usually leads to many babys being born.
So, I believe that the more that is said, in the right way, by people on the outside of these childrens lives can help to reinforce what parents are saying to these kids. Many don't trust their own parents but if they are h earing it from others it might make a difference in some way.
I love my grandchildren but my daughter now realizes the life she threw away because she wouldn't listen. I can't imagine how it would be for her if she had been younger. I watched over her for a long time and refused to allow her to NOT take care of her children. I made her be a Mom since thats the role she asked for. She returned to school and finished her HS education on time. She is an exception to the rule and has a pretty good full time job. Its not the education I had hoped for but I can't live her life for her. I support her as much as possible and will tell her that I am proud of her accomplishments but will also let her know when I don't approve. I am her mother still.
As for these boards sometimes what is found to be offensive actually needs to be said. Instead of deleting posts that come off as "offensive" more consideration should be taken to content. Yet, they find nothing wrong with a minor soliciting information on pregnancy advice??? There is something wrong with that picture I think.
For all of you that have children that are coming into their teens or already there realize that like those parents you cannot control or be there for every step your child makes. If they have their minds set on doing something they will find a way. None of us are perfect parents and until you are finished raising your children. Parenting has been the hardest job I have ever had and even swore that my kids wouldn't do this or that. Our kids will decide whether we like it or not.
i have been over to the 20 and under forum. i offered my advice, waiting on sex, using birth control every single time, getting an education. what i was told by those young ladies was rude and they ganged up on my "old @ss" as they delicately put it lol. i have read posts regarding very young girls wanting to have babies and asking about using opk's or when during their cycle is the best time. i bet if you go back and read the archives you might be surprised, unless they were deleted permanently.
like the previous poster said, they so often equate sex with love. they feel this little cute baby is going to love them back. they dont know that you feed them every 2 hours, they might cry all night for no reason and then when they can speak they might say i hate you. if only everyone that wants a cute little puppy, i mean baby , would just step back and realize that cute baby part is so short in their life.
i cant understand why in the year 2008 any young unmarried and uneducated girl would want to make it that hard on herself! you cant get by on $10 an hour. life is such a struggle financially they dont get that the pain of wondering how you will get diapers or formula tomorrow will cause such stress and despair. when i read the story about the teens that made the pg pack and one became pg from a homeless guy, i want to yell at their parents! why did they allow this to happen? why are these girls using a human life as a pawn in their game? how many of these babies will grow up in pain because they dont know their daddy? nobody thinks of this, just how sweet a baby smells......
like the previous poster said, they so often equate sex with love. they feel this little cute baby is going to love them back. they dont know that you feed them every 2 hours, they might cry all night for no reason and then when they can speak they might say i hate you. if only everyone that wants a cute little puppy, i mean baby , would just step back and realize that cute baby part is so short in their life.
i cant understand why in the year 2008 any young unmarried and uneducated girl would want to make it that hard on herself! you cant get by on $10 an hour. life is such a struggle financially they dont get that the pain of wondering how you will get diapers or formula tomorrow will cause such stress and despair. when i read the story about the teens that made the pg pack and one became pg from a homeless guy, i want to yell at their parents! why did they allow this to happen? why are these girls using a human life as a pawn in their game? how many of these babies will grow up in pain because they dont know their daddy? nobody thinks of this, just how sweet a baby smells......
pertykitty- i am sorry that those young girls made those statements to you, but i do not re-call them and since the forum has been open i have been consistently checking on on them. as far as the OPK kits, i know that there are some girls who are over than 20 that post in that forum and if i see someone say they are married, with a home etc, i try not to think they are lying. I have had many of my friends who were married by 21 and bought a home, and were finacially stable. I had made it clear in the 21 plus post abotu this topic that at the age of 20, i was in a consistent relationship, with my now fiance (we are planning out wedding as i type this), had a 3 bedroom place, was is college and had a steady job that i am still at, just at a higher capacity and making even more money. so i honestly believe that i would have been able to have a baby back then and been fine, yes everyone struggles cause babies are not easy. That is the main reason i am 25 and just started trying this past year.
i do strongly believe in what popeyesgirl06 is saying and think it is true. we do believe that your parents are the anti-christ sometimes and search for others to tell us the same thing they said but because it is from another's mouth, not our parents, we listen.
i myself was guilty of that as a teenager, i mean come on did we really want to admit our parents are correct.
I also know that a lot of the women who go in and start yelling at these young girls are women that have suffered losses or ares struggling to conceive, which add me to the list because i myself had 2 Mc's this past year and had to go in for all the fertility testings. But just because we had losses and struggles does not make it ok to be mad at someone else and hold a grudge. Not saying that any of you women that responded have done that, but i have seen it done in that forum. I truely believe in karma and was goes around comes around and if you set off negative vibes, you will get them in return.
so pertykitty and the other ladies- even if the 20 and under forum said stupid stiff and made "old references" to you, keep going back in there with me and lets try to educate these girls. i think it is the best possible thing we can do.
thanks for listening to me vent:)
i do strongly believe in what popeyesgirl06 is saying and think it is true. we do believe that your parents are the anti-christ sometimes and search for others to tell us the same thing they said but because it is from another's mouth, not our parents, we listen.
i myself was guilty of that as a teenager, i mean come on did we really want to admit our parents are correct.
I also know that a lot of the women who go in and start yelling at these young girls are women that have suffered losses or ares struggling to conceive, which add me to the list because i myself had 2 Mc's this past year and had to go in for all the fertility testings. But just because we had losses and struggles does not make it ok to be mad at someone else and hold a grudge. Not saying that any of you women that responded have done that, but i have seen it done in that forum. I truely believe in karma and was goes around comes around and if you set off negative vibes, you will get them in return.
so pertykitty and the other ladies- even if the 20 and under forum said stupid stiff and made "old references" to you, keep going back in there with me and lets try to educate these girls. i think it is the best possible thing we can do.
thanks for listening to me vent:)
I highly encouraged my daughters get on birth control (the two older ones). I didn't want to be naive and send them off to college without being prepared. I didn't want them pregnant - I've told them my story over and over. They now see what it's like to have a baby around the house. A few times the girls offered to take Noah for the night back when he was feeding every two hours & boy did they get the shock of their lives! The next day they looked like death and asked me how I did it.
After reading your posts, I feel as a mother of a 22 & 19 year old dd's, I should offer my knowledge but it would even be better if it came from my daughters. I'm going to ask them to give some of their time (one of them has a very good story to tell). I think these younger girls would listen more to someone their own age as opposed to us sad to say but that doesn't mean we shouldn't 'shirk' our responsibilities to help others. I just know that if we come off judgemental, they won't listen to us and it might make them more determined in their efforts. Just my perspective............jennifer
After reading your posts, I feel as a mother of a 22 & 19 year old dd's, I should offer my knowledge but it would even be better if it came from my daughters. I'm going to ask them to give some of their time (one of them has a very good story to tell). I think these younger girls would listen more to someone their own age as opposed to us sad to say but that doesn't mean we shouldn't 'shirk' our responsibilities to help others. I just know that if we come off judgemental, they won't listen to us and it might make them more determined in their efforts. Just my perspective............jennifer
Girls at that age are so much more influenced by their peer group then adults, that is true. I really don't think teenagers have changed all that much, we all at some point were trying to get away with stuff we weren't supposed to, challanging boundaries, etc. We all thought our parents were "out of touch" and just trying to ruin our fun. Or just didn't understand us. The problem I think is more that society has changed the boundaries. What was once completely unacceptable behaviour is now something most don't give a second thought to. Teenage pregnancy has always existed, and always will. But somehow, somewhere, we started accepting it as the norm. Not sure how all that happened. At DH's cousins wedding last week, I had a nice chat with another cousin of his that is 17. She is a beautiful girl, smart, a great future ahead of her. Her and I have a bit of a special bond, and she talks to me, which is great. But some of the things she tells me absolutely terrify me. She was holding my little 3 month old nephew, and looked at me and said "my friends babies are not this calm", like this was the most normal thing in the world!! She got upset with me when she said she wanted to come and visit us and bring her boyfriend. I told her she was always welcome, but made it clear they would be in seperate bedrooms. She couldn't understand why I was being so mean. Again, she accepts this as the norm. Her own father lets her and her boyfriend sleep together. She is not even out of high school yet!! Fortunately she seems to be being safe about it, but the fact that an adult in her life would condone this behaviour seemed strange to me. So again, I think some people are so grateful their kids aren't into meth or something, they overlook the "less serious" behaviours. What are we teaching them?
I know most parents are excellent, and its a lot tougher now. Most people (through no fault of their own) have to have 2 working parents to support their family, and single parent households are on the rise. Its gotta be tough, and I don't claim to understand how hard it must be. But somehow, we need to get the message out to these kids that having a baby as a teenager is just not the answer. There are some really great single moms on the 20 and under forum, but I have read their posts, and they are the first to say how tough it is. We need these young girls to tell their story, and set these others straight. I know they won;t listen to us "old folks". And their are definately many young girls on there that have gotten pregnant on purpose, or are trying to get pregnant. That is where I have trouble with the forum. Information exchanged between 13 year olds, no matter how much more savy they are these days, is going to lead to nothing but trouble.
I know most parents are excellent, and its a lot tougher now. Most people (through no fault of their own) have to have 2 working parents to support their family, and single parent households are on the rise. Its gotta be tough, and I don't claim to understand how hard it must be. But somehow, we need to get the message out to these kids that having a baby as a teenager is just not the answer. There are some really great single moms on the 20 and under forum, but I have read their posts, and they are the first to say how tough it is. We need these young girls to tell their story, and set these others straight. I know they won;t listen to us "old folks". And their are definately many young girls on there that have gotten pregnant on purpose, or are trying to get pregnant. That is where I have trouble with the forum. Information exchanged between 13 year olds, no matter how much more savy they are these days, is going to lead to nothing but trouble.
wow....
sorry, cant leave this one alone...I think
Yes it is the parents fault!!! They failed somewhere!! where? is the question.
God forbid anyone to accept fault these days. We tend to want to put blame on anything but ourselves.
It *****...when they or we... take the wrong path. and that another child is having to pay for their maistake. I can only feel sorry for the child.
We live with Rules..... starts with an apple? you break the Rule? guess what? someone has to pay. You cant sugarcoat mother nature.
Im all about you make your bed, now lay in it. I just hope someone learns from it!
I personally think children arnt tought enough MORALS these days, but thats just my thought.
prettykitty... again... I like the way you think... and I echo your opinion
sorry, cant leave this one alone...I think
Yes it is the parents fault!!! They failed somewhere!! where? is the question.
God forbid anyone to accept fault these days. We tend to want to put blame on anything but ourselves.
It *****...when they or we... take the wrong path. and that another child is having to pay for their maistake. I can only feel sorry for the child.
We live with Rules..... starts with an apple? you break the Rule? guess what? someone has to pay. You cant sugarcoat mother nature.
Im all about you make your bed, now lay in it. I just hope someone learns from it!
I personally think children arnt tought enough MORALS these days, but thats just my thought.
prettykitty... again... I like the way you think... and I echo your opinion
~Tennesseegirl- go ahead and blame the parents but all fault is not theirs. If these girls "want" babies then the fault is theirs, not the parents. Is about personal choice. Also, it takes two to make these babies so also teach your/our sons responsibility for their own actions.
It is real easy when a parent has not been dealt a difficult situation like many are. Not all mothers get the opportunity to have one child to raise and lead around single handed while Daddy works so Mommy can stay home. I, like many others, had to work just to get by. Unfortunately WE WERE TEEN PARENTS doing the right thing by taking care of our kids. So, in my case, blame me but this is a fact of life. Not all cases are like mine just many are. Babys that have babies are likely to continue in that same cycle.
So, without criticism against the parents or the teens because pointing fingers isn't going to solve the problem. With all the adult "wisdom" on this board go to your Local HS and make your voice heard.........be that parent that cares..........talk to your teen and her friends........teach your sons about birth control and to use it everytime. The males are too often over looked and just as harmed as the girls. Know too that you can lead a horse to water but you can't force them to drink. If these kids WANT what they want you nor I are going to stop them. Some want cars and jobs and others wants babies. Its sad but true. Not all of my children ended up having babies as teens but one did and just so happens to be she is the most responsible and she takes care of her children. She made lemonade from her lemons. I just couldn't control when she got ahold of that sour fruit.
I want to add that we need to be careful because this post could become offensive not because of the intended persons talked about {teen girls having sex/pregnancy} but there are also parents on this board that have had to deal with this and unless you have walked a mile in those shoes don't point your fingers. You can only 'imagine' if you havent been there. I think the direction is becoming blurred.
How many of you out there can honestly say you never did what you were not supposed to do as a teen? How many of you always did what you were told? How many of you had to learn very hard lessons on your own because you thought you knew better? What would you honestly do if your own daughter or son came home and told you that she was pregnant or that his girlfriend was pregnant? Would blaming yourself change anything? Its about choice and it happens and its sad but like it was said teen pregnancy has been around for eternity. You don' t have to like it but help educate against it.
It is real easy when a parent has not been dealt a difficult situation like many are. Not all mothers get the opportunity to have one child to raise and lead around single handed while Daddy works so Mommy can stay home. I, like many others, had to work just to get by. Unfortunately WE WERE TEEN PARENTS doing the right thing by taking care of our kids. So, in my case, blame me but this is a fact of life. Not all cases are like mine just many are. Babys that have babies are likely to continue in that same cycle.
So, without criticism against the parents or the teens because pointing fingers isn't going to solve the problem. With all the adult "wisdom" on this board go to your Local HS and make your voice heard.........be that parent that cares..........talk to your teen and her friends........teach your sons about birth control and to use it everytime. The males are too often over looked and just as harmed as the girls. Know too that you can lead a horse to water but you can't force them to drink. If these kids WANT what they want you nor I are going to stop them. Some want cars and jobs and others wants babies. Its sad but true. Not all of my children ended up having babies as teens but one did and just so happens to be she is the most responsible and she takes care of her children. She made lemonade from her lemons. I just couldn't control when she got ahold of that sour fruit.
I want to add that we need to be careful because this post could become offensive not because of the intended persons talked about {teen girls having sex/pregnancy} but there are also parents on this board that have had to deal with this and unless you have walked a mile in those shoes don't point your fingers. You can only 'imagine' if you havent been there. I think the direction is becoming blurred.
How many of you out there can honestly say you never did what you were not supposed to do as a teen? How many of you always did what you were told? How many of you had to learn very hard lessons on your own because you thought you knew better? What would you honestly do if your own daughter or son came home and told you that she was pregnant or that his girlfriend was pregnant? Would blaming yourself change anything? Its about choice and it happens and its sad but like it was said teen pregnancy has been around for eternity. You don' t have to like it but help educate against it.
i agree with popeysgirl06, my parents did the best they could, were great parents. i did what i wanted behind their back. i was very sneaky, my mom talked to me constantly, my dad always made sure i had everything i needed. i became pregnant at 16. if anyone thinks they could have done a better job with me to prevent my pregnancy, you are dead wrong. but the good thing is, i did not get on welfare and did the best i could and i turned out to be a great parent. it is because i had great parents, i know it.
I might be attacked for this but I'm going to be totally honest here. I am 40 years old now, I had my first mutual sexual experience at age 12. No, it was not the smartest thing to do but who at 12 is smart.
Let me explain my life.
At 4 years old I was sexually abused by first, a neighbor girl and her friend. I trusted this girl. She and her friend took me to a vacant house and under the carport tried to take my clothes off. I can remember crying and fearing for my life. They didn't actually do anything sexual to me because a man in a concrete or dump truck drove by and noticed what was happening, he stopped and made them stop but I knew what they were about to do to me. I ran home, scared to death. After this happened, my cousin who was older than me, about 15 years old, who the family trusted to babysit us kids decided to sexually abuse me. I was maybe 4 years old. What I can remember of it is that he had me in the hall, he was on top of me, I remember his body going up and down on me and his words were, "you better not tell anyone because if you tell and your dad finds out, he will kill me and he will go to jail forever and you will never see him again" I didn't tell a soul. My daddy was my world, my protector, my friend, I didn't want him going to jail and I couldn't bare the thought of him going to jail and never seeing him again. He was all I had. I must have blocked this out of my memory because I remember that I hated this cousin. I couldn't understand why though. I remember if he called I would hang up on him, I was mean to him. It came back to me in my 20's, I finally realized that I wasn't a mean little girl, I was lashing out in the only way that I knew I could. What he did to me changed me though. My innocence was gone. At age 4 I remember looking at men's crotches and wondering what "theirs" looked like. I can remember being excited about sex even though I had a bad experience. This is all at age 4. No, my parents didn't have a clue. I associated attention with sex.
At age 12 I lost my virginity to some boy who got me drunk and took advantage of me, it wasn't something that I wanted.
At age 14, my father died. I lost my world although I had no clue how bad it was going to be. My mother totally distanced herself from us kids. If we were not sent away we were fending for ourselves. It was kind of like living a V.C. Andrews story. Well, at that same age, I was sent to live with my Aunt, she had a male roommate who was 35 years old. I was basically her babysitter for her 6 year old daughter. I loved it, I was free to do anything I wanted to. I could drink, do drugs, stay out unless she needed a sitter. Well, she was out one night, I had been smoking pot with her roommate and drinking. The next thing you know, he is on his knees in front of me fondling my breasts. I pushed him away, told him no and went to sleep in the bed with my little cousin. I fell asleep, not realizing I was in danger. I wake up to someone (him) pulling my tampon out, lifting me up and telling me he is going to show me what a man is like. I was terrified. I didn't say a word. I thought if I pretended to be asleep he would just put me back and leave me alone. That is not what happened. He took me to his room and had sex with me. I didn't tell about this one either. I was scared of getting in trouble. Well, I eventually told my boyfriend years later. He in turn got so mad that he told my mother. Her reaction was, Melissa is a very Promiscuous girl, that was something she wanted. I was crushed when he told me what she said but not shocked. She was never there for us kids.
I ended up getting pregnant a couple of weeks before I turned 16. It was not that I was trying to get pregnant, it just happened.
I believe from my experiences with being molested, these girls have deeper issues and to get mad at them is sad. The reason I didn't "tell" was because I was scared of getting the reaction that some of you are giving to these girls. Being molested at 4 years old changed my life. It opened up new doors that I didn't realize were there. I was looking for the wrong attention. What I don't understand to this day is that my mother knew I was sexually active but chose not to put me on birth control. Why?
I have a beautiful 23 year old son who I wouldn't give up for the world. He is the one thing that I would not take back and I talked to him about sex from a very very young age. I let him know that getting someone pregnant would cause a childhood like he had. He listened. He is 23 and childless. I had an open relationship with him through his teen years and let him know he could talk to me about anything. He did and still does. Sometimes I he tells me too much but I don't let him know that, I want him to always feel comfortable in telling me anything which is something I never had.
My being molested also created an obsession, I was obsessed in making sure my daughter was not molested. I would not let my kids out of my sight. I also checked my daughters vagina OFTEN.
You really can't put the blame on anyone. Who's to say that my life would have been different if I were not molested though? We all live such busy lives now days that we really don't have a clue what our children are doing. I know my parents didn't have a clue about some of the things I was doing. My mother did know I was having sex but I could have become pregnant at 12 when she didn't know. Is it my fault at 12 for having sex and seeking attention from boys in that way? I was a child. Is it my parents fault for not knowing? no. There is no blame, people/children are going to do what they want to do. They will find a way.
Let me explain my life.
At 4 years old I was sexually abused by first, a neighbor girl and her friend. I trusted this girl. She and her friend took me to a vacant house and under the carport tried to take my clothes off. I can remember crying and fearing for my life. They didn't actually do anything sexual to me because a man in a concrete or dump truck drove by and noticed what was happening, he stopped and made them stop but I knew what they were about to do to me. I ran home, scared to death. After this happened, my cousin who was older than me, about 15 years old, who the family trusted to babysit us kids decided to sexually abuse me. I was maybe 4 years old. What I can remember of it is that he had me in the hall, he was on top of me, I remember his body going up and down on me and his words were, "you better not tell anyone because if you tell and your dad finds out, he will kill me and he will go to jail forever and you will never see him again" I didn't tell a soul. My daddy was my world, my protector, my friend, I didn't want him going to jail and I couldn't bare the thought of him going to jail and never seeing him again. He was all I had. I must have blocked this out of my memory because I remember that I hated this cousin. I couldn't understand why though. I remember if he called I would hang up on him, I was mean to him. It came back to me in my 20's, I finally realized that I wasn't a mean little girl, I was lashing out in the only way that I knew I could. What he did to me changed me though. My innocence was gone. At age 4 I remember looking at men's crotches and wondering what "theirs" looked like. I can remember being excited about sex even though I had a bad experience. This is all at age 4. No, my parents didn't have a clue. I associated attention with sex.
At age 12 I lost my virginity to some boy who got me drunk and took advantage of me, it wasn't something that I wanted.
At age 14, my father died. I lost my world although I had no clue how bad it was going to be. My mother totally distanced herself from us kids. If we were not sent away we were fending for ourselves. It was kind of like living a V.C. Andrews story. Well, at that same age, I was sent to live with my Aunt, she had a male roommate who was 35 years old. I was basically her babysitter for her 6 year old daughter. I loved it, I was free to do anything I wanted to. I could drink, do drugs, stay out unless she needed a sitter. Well, she was out one night, I had been smoking pot with her roommate and drinking. The next thing you know, he is on his knees in front of me fondling my breasts. I pushed him away, told him no and went to sleep in the bed with my little cousin. I fell asleep, not realizing I was in danger. I wake up to someone (him) pulling my tampon out, lifting me up and telling me he is going to show me what a man is like. I was terrified. I didn't say a word. I thought if I pretended to be asleep he would just put me back and leave me alone. That is not what happened. He took me to his room and had sex with me. I didn't tell about this one either. I was scared of getting in trouble. Well, I eventually told my boyfriend years later. He in turn got so mad that he told my mother. Her reaction was, Melissa is a very Promiscuous girl, that was something she wanted. I was crushed when he told me what she said but not shocked. She was never there for us kids.
I ended up getting pregnant a couple of weeks before I turned 16. It was not that I was trying to get pregnant, it just happened.
I believe from my experiences with being molested, these girls have deeper issues and to get mad at them is sad. The reason I didn't "tell" was because I was scared of getting the reaction that some of you are giving to these girls. Being molested at 4 years old changed my life. It opened up new doors that I didn't realize were there. I was looking for the wrong attention. What I don't understand to this day is that my mother knew I was sexually active but chose not to put me on birth control. Why?
I have a beautiful 23 year old son who I wouldn't give up for the world. He is the one thing that I would not take back and I talked to him about sex from a very very young age. I let him know that getting someone pregnant would cause a childhood like he had. He listened. He is 23 and childless. I had an open relationship with him through his teen years and let him know he could talk to me about anything. He did and still does. Sometimes I he tells me too much but I don't let him know that, I want him to always feel comfortable in telling me anything which is something I never had.
My being molested also created an obsession, I was obsessed in making sure my daughter was not molested. I would not let my kids out of my sight. I also checked my daughters vagina OFTEN.
You really can't put the blame on anyone. Who's to say that my life would have been different if I were not molested though? We all live such busy lives now days that we really don't have a clue what our children are doing. I know my parents didn't have a clue about some of the things I was doing. My mother did know I was having sex but I could have become pregnant at 12 when she didn't know. Is it my fault at 12 for having sex and seeking attention from boys in that way? I was a child. Is it my parents fault for not knowing? no. There is no blame, people/children are going to do what they want to do. They will find a way.
most of us have been abused or raped or have something happen, but im so glad you two were able to share such a story. to remind us it can happen under our noses.
melissa i am so sorry your mom wasnt emotionally available. its hard to imagine a mom that isnt there for you, but there are so many like that. as parents we can do what we feel is best, and when i read something like this i remember to kick it up a notch and talk more, be more honest and open. my best friends son is 15 and is very open with her. still a virgin, and talks about more than i think she might want to know, but wont ever change that because they have the best relationship.
melissa i am so sorry your mom wasnt emotionally available. its hard to imagine a mom that isnt there for you, but there are so many like that. as parents we can do what we feel is best, and when i read something like this i remember to kick it up a notch and talk more, be more honest and open. my best friends son is 15 and is very open with her. still a virgin, and talks about more than i think she might want to know, but wont ever change that because they have the best relationship.
Woman that almost brought me to tears! I am so glad you shared that. You went through more than any child should ever have to go through! I APPLAUD you for all that you have went through and becoming the person you are today!!!! (((SANDI))) If I was next to you girl I would give you the biggest HUGG ever along with melissa. You also went through alot and now I see where your strength comes from!!!! I was never in a situation of neglect or molestation. I was one of those fortunate kids that had good parents back in the 70's and 80's. As mentioned before by others on here ....I just happen to do what I wanted to do at age 16 ( I wasn't a bad kid at all) and got pregnant at almost 17. So it does go to show you that even with good parenting skills your child is going to do what he or she wants to do. I feel that I am one of the lucky ones that has kids that have learned from watching there friends suffer and of course my kids know about my teenage life of gettting pregnant at such a young age. My daughter often comments on me and says "mom ...you were a bad girl" and I do clarify on that comment and say "No, I wasn't a bad girl...I just made bad choices" which has made me a much more resposible mother today!!!!
I do think there are exceptions to the rule.. but generally parents are at fault... parents these days are sooo busy being their child's "friend" that they don't ever want to upset them and therefore children have no rules or moral standards... it is very sad.. I am a teacher and I see it everyday.. parent parenting out of guilt because they never see their children because of work... parents so tired it is just easier to let them do what they want... for gods sake the 17 year old neighbor of mine's had her baby 3 days after me and her parents let her boyfriend live there with her since she was 14!!! saying you couldn't afford birth control is a big cop out also! A baby is a lot more expensive than a shot and planned parenthood will pay for birth control... Most of the time what these children having babies are lacking from their parents is the love of a father... most come from broken homes... I am not being critical... jeez I have 2 daughters from my first husband and I KNOW this increases their risk of being sexually active young... they try to replace the love and attention they don't get from their dad with a little boy... and it doesn't matter if they see their dad it isn't the same as him being there everyday... It all comes down to parenting... do the hard work while they are young or pay for it when they are teens.... that being said there are always exceptions to every rule but they are few and far between
Yes, you will be the person you are, no matter what. If you think that you can tell a 15 year old what to do, you are mistaken. I know that if someone would have said no to me at that age I would have found a way, and DID.
My oldest son tells me everything, he did not lose his virginity until he was 17 and it wasn't because he didn't have girls throwing themselves at him. Do you know what he did when he got home? He told ME. How many mothers have an open enough relationship with their son for them to feel secure enough to come home and say Mom, I had sex for the first time. Not only did he tell me that but he also told me he felt used because the girl left once they were done. Thank God he goes the condom route though. He doesn't want kids but at 23 that doesn't stop him from going out there and having sex. In him doing so, that is his choice and nothing I can do.
I also have a 13 year old son who will probably make me a Grandmother before I want to be. At 13 he is already sexually active. It has nothing to do with bad parenting, not being there for him or not meeting his needs. I have a very good relationship with each teacher when school is in session and I email weekly. Right before the end of the school year he was to be punished for being disrespectful to me and his female teachers. He didn't like it so he packed his stuff and moved in with his father where he can do what ever he wants to do. I raised him the same way that I raised my oldest son, it didn't work. Kids come with no handbook specific to each child. For those that believe that if you are there for your child constantly and watch their every move will have kids that will not get into trouble, you are highly mistaken.
The kids that were the teachers kids were the ones I partied with, along with the ones who went to catholic school. They had the best parties! Why? Because their parents were too busy saying...Not my child... If those words come out of your mouth you are going to eat them sooner or later. I promise you.
As far as the mother who couldn't afford the pill for her daughter, I know the position she is in and unless you can walk in someone else's shoes you should not be pointing the finger. When you point your finger at someone, you have how many pointing back at you???? Instead of finger pointing look up the resources in that community and give information, listen to someone and really appreciate what they are saying. Sometimes an ear is better than a pointing finger. Also, remember that you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar!!!!
My oldest son tells me everything, he did not lose his virginity until he was 17 and it wasn't because he didn't have girls throwing themselves at him. Do you know what he did when he got home? He told ME. How many mothers have an open enough relationship with their son for them to feel secure enough to come home and say Mom, I had sex for the first time. Not only did he tell me that but he also told me he felt used because the girl left once they were done. Thank God he goes the condom route though. He doesn't want kids but at 23 that doesn't stop him from going out there and having sex. In him doing so, that is his choice and nothing I can do.
I also have a 13 year old son who will probably make me a Grandmother before I want to be. At 13 he is already sexually active. It has nothing to do with bad parenting, not being there for him or not meeting his needs. I have a very good relationship with each teacher when school is in session and I email weekly. Right before the end of the school year he was to be punished for being disrespectful to me and his female teachers. He didn't like it so he packed his stuff and moved in with his father where he can do what ever he wants to do. I raised him the same way that I raised my oldest son, it didn't work. Kids come with no handbook specific to each child. For those that believe that if you are there for your child constantly and watch their every move will have kids that will not get into trouble, you are highly mistaken.
The kids that were the teachers kids were the ones I partied with, along with the ones who went to catholic school. They had the best parties! Why? Because their parents were too busy saying...Not my child... If those words come out of your mouth you are going to eat them sooner or later. I promise you.
As far as the mother who couldn't afford the pill for her daughter, I know the position she is in and unless you can walk in someone else's shoes you should not be pointing the finger. When you point your finger at someone, you have how many pointing back at you???? Instead of finger pointing look up the resources in that community and give information, listen to someone and really appreciate what they are saying. Sometimes an ear is better than a pointing finger. Also, remember that you catch more bees with honey than you do with vinegar!!!!
You are a teacher, as you say, so I will not try to tell you that I know what your job is like other than having homeschooled my own children for a period of time. That, too, I am sure you will have something smug to comment on but I suggest you don't.
One day, you too will be the parent of a teenager. When you reach that point may you never be disappointed in your angel. Until then I suggest you not comment on something you "think" you know something about. Being around teens hardly makes you more than a "babysitter" of sorts.
Now, I am done with this post as it is getting out of hand.
To those of you that shared your painful personal experiences, I am so sorry, yet touched by the strength you have to share that. I was never sexually abused but was emotionally, phsychologically, and physcally abused from the age of 8-16. I attempted suicide and almost succeeded. My oldest daughter was my ticket out. My relationship is still strained with my mother over her choices as a parent. I do not really talk about my teen years anymore as I (personally) hate thinking about it.
I made choices and live with them, good and bad. There are no perfect parents no matter how hard you try.
Can we get back to our pregnancys and new babys? Isn't that why we are really here afterall?
One day, you too will be the parent of a teenager. When you reach that point may you never be disappointed in your angel. Until then I suggest you not comment on something you "think" you know something about. Being around teens hardly makes you more than a "babysitter" of sorts.
Now, I am done with this post as it is getting out of hand.
To those of you that shared your painful personal experiences, I am so sorry, yet touched by the strength you have to share that. I was never sexually abused but was emotionally, phsychologically, and physcally abused from the age of 8-16. I attempted suicide and almost succeeded. My oldest daughter was my ticket out. My relationship is still strained with my mother over her choices as a parent. I do not really talk about my teen years anymore as I (personally) hate thinking about it.
I made choices and live with them, good and bad. There are no perfect parents no matter how hard you try.
Can we get back to our pregnancys and new babys? Isn't that why we are really here afterall?
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