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285848 tn?1219092313

Anyone else?

I'm 18, 19 in february. I found out i was pregnant about a month ago and lost it to miscarriage last friday. I know I'm not in the perfect situation to get pregnant. I still live with my parents, my boyfriend and I don't make enough money to spoil a baby, but enough to be happy. I want to go to school and so does he. After losing the baby, I was devastated, but kind of relieved. I said that I wasn't happy that I lost it, but i know it was probably for the better. But it hasn't even been a week and I really miss being pregnant and having the excitement of having a baby. I'm young, but I've always dreampt  of being a mother and I know i'd be a good one. Out of all my friends (you can imagine a group of diverse 18 year old girls), I'm the most motherly. They've even told me that to my face. "youre so mommy like" I took it as a compliment. What, I can't help that I'm really mature for my age. I was EXTREMELY happy and excited about my pregnancy. Everyone around me is like oh no its a mistake, blah blah blah. I told all of them that it was not a mistake to me. I know I'm young but i really wanted that baby. I told everyone I wasn't going to try and get pregnant again. The more I think about it, the more I do want to get pregnant again. I loved being pregnant and I really wanted a baby. I know it'd be better to wait, but gosh I just don't know what to say. Anyone else young have a m/c and want to get pregnant asap afterwards even when you know its not the right time?
41 Responses
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285848 tn?1219092313
Wow. Thanks for everyone's comment. There was ALOT of feedback! Ive been with my boyfriend for two years now, so I have faith in him that he wouldn't go anywhere. We both do make enough money. We live with my parents, but I don't see a need to move out just because I get pregnant. I don't plan on moving out anytime soon anyways. We have plenty of room at home. My mom was excited when I told her I was pregnant. We would not have struggled. I want to have a baby. I know it'll change my life, but Id love that change in my life. I think I am ready for it. My boyfriend and I are already talking about getting married anyways. Lots of people ask us if we are married and when they do we always say we might as well be. I do want to go to school, but I have a good job at the moment. I was thinking about just doing online school, which would give me time to be with my baby anyways. Like I said Im not going to try to get pregnant but if I do im most certainly going to be thrilled.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I honestly know how you feel!
I'm 24, and I have wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember, I think it is programmed in some of us (sometimes more so than in other peeps).  I wanted baby when I was 18, but decided to put it off! You need to fill your time with other things, and if you know people with children spend time with them it may help.
I still have dreams about babys/motherhood almost every month, and I constantly think about it/them.  However I'm extremely glad I didnt have a baby at 18 my boyfriend at the time was not 'the one', and i can not think of any one of my friends who has stayed with the same person they were with at 18. I went to university and now have good(ish) job/wage,
However once you have a child a couldn't imagine you ever regrett it no matter what your age/situation! and if you have lots of support you can always struggle and achieve things later on in life.
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Avatar universal
i only said wait so that she can be financially stable by the time she tries again ... thats what my boyfriend and i are trying to do
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283175 tn?1295537265
Ive been in a faithful relationship,for nearly 7 years,and we are trying for a child,you dont have to be married,just be good to be in a stable relationship.
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Avatar universal
I can't even bare to read all the comments. What's all this advice about "living your life" before you have children? What could be better in life than children? My only advice is to get married before you try to get pregnant.
P.S. -- I'm in my fifth pregnancy after ten years of faithful marriage, so I have the right to offer this advice!
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Avatar universal
i am 17 will be 18 at the end of april, i had a miscarriage at 8 weeks and two days, me and my boyfriend were also devestated when we found out we lost our baby, i too have been told i am mature for my age and i am three credits away from getting my diploma(boyfriend has already graduated) we make enough money to make a baby happy but also not enough to give it everything ... he already has a child from a previous relationship and we both know it would be best to wait a year or two before trying again , although we think i might be pregant right now!! we would like a baby right now to fill the hole in our hearts but we really would like to wait so we can give both children everything they need!!!
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290018 tn?1240365868
best of luck Cowgirl
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251751 tn?1191033785
Well i started my preiod so im not pregnant so congratulations to all you older women who said that us younger ladies should not be gettting pregnant at this age. I do get what some of you mean but no affense some of you think that out Boyfreinds wont stay by us just becuase you had a boyfreind that did not say by you. I do thank you for your comments but its not always the same as everyone, some guys are good guys and wont leave i mean a guy that your engaged to is not gonna leave if your pregnant and there are some pretty awesome boyfreinds who wont either. My fiance never had his parents around cause they just left him and his brothers so he knows how it is and would never do that to his children he knows how it feels. I am not trying for a baby and i was not trying this time either i do want a baby very badly.... but iam going to wait but if it happends as an accident i will still be happy. It is true that everyone is having babys and i want one becuase i misscarried but i do know i should wait not wait till im married but untill we atleast have our own place together. so thanks and bye...
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Avatar universal
I am sorry if I offended the women on this page.  Like many of the other women have pointed out, we are just speaking from experience and not trying to tell anyone what to do, just to consider all that is involved.  By the way, I am only 24.  I was engaged at 19 and married at 20 to the man I have been with since I was 16.  I have a 14 month old that took me two years to get pregnant with and I am currently 14 weeks pregnant with my second.  I am not judging young relationships in any way.  I am saying that I know how hard it can be when you have a baby and you are young and don't have a lot.  I am just asking that everyone consider every aspect of whether they feel prepared to provide for a baby in every way before they try to get pregnant. Thank you prayful wife, rachie204, and AngelF for trying to help clarify what all are trying to get across.  The ability to discuss differing opinions without anger, resentment, and defensiveness are a true sign of maturity.  By the way Cowgirl, I'd like to point out that I never said married, I said commited relationship and in you previous post you did not mention that you and your boyfriend were engaged.  I think all the women were more concerned that you both lived with your parents, but maybe that is something you both are doing until you get married.  Unfortunately if we don't get the whole story, we can only go off of what we are given.  I was also engaged at 19-its not something I would ever judge.  Same thing to Linzola1.  I was in the same situation as you.  I don't think anyone is saying you and your husband shouldn't be trying to have a baby.
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271399 tn?1242830135
thanks a lot :)  I'm just waiting it out now....  I hate waiting.  The Lord did not give me patience unfortuanitly.  I'm awful, I know.  
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290018 tn?1240365868
Good Luck!!! :)
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271399 tn?1242830135
no prob.  I'm not a mom yet, but I use to take care of my ex's.  I know how much responsibilty goes with it.  My hubby & I are now trying for one & praying about it
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290018 tn?1240365868
an endless job...that is a very good way to describe it.  At 3 in the morning when you are feeding an infant or cleaning up puke and diarrhea from your 3 year old.  :)   Thanks for you words AngelF
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271399 tn?1242830135
First Rachie I would like to commend you on your post.  There is a lot of truth in what you wrote. I would like to say I'm sorry for what you experienced at such a young age, but the Lord turned it into something great.  I was married at 19 & before I was married my ex & I tried to conceive, we continued trying when we were married.  I loved him so much & I thought he could never hurt me.  Turned out he got his brother's girlfriend along with a few others preg.  All I can say now is Thank God for unanswered prayers.  Sometimes what we think we want is not what the Lord has planned for us.  I look at these girls he's gotten preg & their lives are awful.  These children don't have a father.  I'm not saying this will happen to you girls, but please think b4 you make a decision that will change your whole life.  You may think it's fun & looks so great, but also think it's an endless job. We are not here to put you down or tell you what to do, we are here out of love & concern for you.  It's a decision only you can make, but please pray to the Lord for guidance first.  You have plenty of time to have a baby.  If you decide & feel that it is God's will for your life to have one right now... then that's great & nobody can stop you.  We are only trying to tell you from experience how much life you have ahead of you.  I don't doubt you are mature young ladies.  I'm only 22 (23 in Nov) myself.  I'm just saying don't be in such a hurry to grow up.  Enjoy every minute God gives you.  And once again if you decide to have a baby now, then that's great & we are all happy for you.  Just think before you do please, that baby needs a home, clothes, formula, food, and it doesn't have to have one but it wants one.. a father.  G'luck to all of you & may God bless your lives!  

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290018 tn?1240365868
I don't mean to put you down...I dont even mean to put those who are not married down b/c  I was pregnant and then a mother who was not married for over 2 years...but for those who's boyfriend or fiance say they want to be with them forever I personally would make that guy marry me before I got in a position where I was pregnanct with his child.  Just something I learned from experiance.  Actions speak much louder than words. Once again I had my names mixed up Linzola1 and appoligise for that.
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290867 tn?1333569278
Its okay. I felt that you were putting me down. I am married and very happily. But I do agree about the waiting thing. That is good advice.
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290018 tn?1240365868
I'm sorry if I offended you..there were one or two girls who said their boyfriend or fiance were comitted to them or they lived at home and wanted to have a baby. I still suggest waiting until hormone levels stabalize.  Right after the miscarriage I thought I wanted to have a baby as soon as we could..but after my body and emotions returned to normal I realized that I actually wanted to wait a while.  We are possibly pregnant again but we did not try and if we are not I am planning on waiting until probably Jan or Feb.  Everone is entitled to their own opinions and should make their own decisions I am just sharing my story and experiance to those who want it. Best of luck
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290867 tn?1333569278
Where did you come up with that i am not married? I got married in May and I believe the Lord will make it possible for me to have a baby. My husband and I are very faithful that we will get pregnant. We own our home and we are doing great. I feel like I was judged by the fact that I was supportive of the ladies that are my age although I was lucky to find the man that I will spend the rest of my life with at a very young age.
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Avatar universal
I no excacly wot u mean i was realy excited wen i got preg i cudnt of bin happier bt sadly i misscaried at 8 weeks preg it broke my heart and i felt realy empty and i realy wantd 2 try again eventualy 4 mnth l8a i was preg again i was thrilled until i had my 12 week scan n was told i was having a phantom pregnancy wer ther wer a sac but no feotus 1day later i misscaried 2 placenta bt no baby it was very painful im 18 and trying 4 a bby again bt am realy scared incasd it dusnt wrk out i say follow ur heart
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290018 tn?1240365868
Thanks for the kind words.  Truth is I want other girls to make the best decision they can but I have been there and I know that there is nothing someone could have told me at the time to keep me from doing what I thought I wanted to do.  I can only pray others not be as hasty in their decisions as I was.  Thanks again
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285896 tn?1237211227
I commend you for your honesty, and thank you for those powerful words.  I'm glad to see that God has moved in your life and he's blessed you with a man that you have the pleasure of calling your husband.  It gets hard and we make a lot of mistakes and we'll continue to make mistakes everyday we get out of the bed.  Whether it be that harsh word you said or the bird you flip to the car in front of you.  Either way it goes, as long as we keep a level head and open heart God will continue to pour us out blessings that we wont even know how to receive.  You get me standing ovation award today, GOOD JOB!
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290018 tn?1240365868
I hope I can put into words what I am wanting to say.  I am 20 years old.  I was in a commited relationship with a guy when I was 15 and 16.  I know that sounds silly but trust me.  We were very much in love...and i still have a very special place in my heart for this guy.  he was 2 years older than me.  We wanted to be together and my parents wouldn't let us.  We snuck around and figured if we had a baby they couldn't keep us apart.  And we could get married like we wanted.  I wansn't stupid...I knew this guy really loved me and I really loved him.  We tried to have a baby.  We didn't get to see eachother much b/c of my parents..one day I was at his house we had just got done trying to get preagnant when the phone rang and it was another girl.  He had been cheating on me.  I stopped seeing him and he got very angry(as he had some mental issues) and I ended up getting a retraining order.  I found out 2 months later I was pregnant...(with his child).  He was into drugs and I knew it would be best for my child if I didnt tell him about the baby.  I left town and carried out the pregnancy where he could not see me.  I decided to keep the baby.  I still lived at home with my parents who were very upset when they found out I was pg..but by the time I gave birth had fallen inlove with this child.  When I found out I was pregnant I got my life back on track...I strengthened my realtionship with Christ and when my son was 6 months old I started talking to a guy I had dated in the 8th grade.  We fell inlove and he began to take the roll of Father in my childs life.  We got married last may and had a miscarriage this past august at 11 weeks pregnant.  At first I wanted to have another one right away...but after my hormones regulated I decided I wanted to wait a little longer.  We are possibly pregnant now and I actually hope we are...but if not I know God will bless us when the time is right.  I was in a very bad situation and God turned it into something beautiful.  I have the most amazing son in the world.   And a husband that words cannot even began to describe. And my husband is currently adopting my son.  My husband is currently out of town and the comfort of having a truly comitted relationship that I dont have to worry about my husband cheating on me is truly a gift from God.  I can't tell either of you what to do.  I can tell you that living at home with a baby was difficult...even though my parents and I are very close they sometimes wanted to tell me how to raise my child..also I wasn't working b.c of the baby and I felt soo bad when they had to buy me stuff for MY child.  I wanted to finish school but the school wouldnt' work with me so I got my GED.  I really wanted to go to college but didn't have time to study once I started and I decided to get my RealEstate licence.  I wish I could go to college.  I hope oneday I get the chance.  Even married with my husband working fulltime in a good job sometimes money is tight and times are tuff but we tithe our money and give God what belongs to him and he has always made it work.   Would I trade making that baby when I was 16...Nope not in a million years.  But did I really know what I was getting into...not at all.  I love my son and Husband more than anything but I can tell you there are many times when my friends are going out and I do wish I could go with them...or they are buying themselves clothes at the mall and I can't b/c my son needs something or i have to pay a $200 dollar light bill the next day.  Also babies are wonderful....people say they are alot of work...i would disagree..they are alot of money but the real work kicks in when they become a toddler and you cant trade them in for another infant who sleeps eats and poops all day.  Sometime I break down and cry b/c I have the most strong willed child in the world. I have shared my story and hopefully helped in some way.  The only advice I can give you is to 1st wait until your hormones are back to normal before you decide anything...and second I suggest you pray to God about the decision to have a child.   And then listen to Him and do His will.  Also if I was dating someone and they said they wanted to be in my life forever and they wanted to have a child with me I would make them make a true commitment and marry me first.  If they really love you nothing should stop them.  I hope I have helped and not offended I am simply telling you my story..my happiness and my regreats.  If you have any questions I will be glad to answer them.  I hope you find what you are looking for.
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279415 tn?1217371630
No problem I figured you guys could use some help from someone who knows exactly how you feel, and got my baby and we are fine.  we couldn't be better, she is the most important thing in my life and everything i do is for her.
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285896 tn?1237211227
No one is trying to down you, make you feel bad, or give you any negative comments about your life. We're just trying to offer some big sister advice before you cut a piece of the pie that we've already had the unfortunate experience of taking a bit of that's all.  I'm a case worker for my state and I see it every day young girls who mean well, but just didn't know things would turn out the way they did.  If you ladies feel like a baby is the answer to your hopes and dreams by all means go for it.  Myself along with all of the other ladies just trying to be helpful wish you the best.  Life is yours for the living, live it up.  I wish all of you ladies happy healthy babies and a life with a man the cherishes your every need!  From the heart!  
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