Backing out of gettin tubed tide

[mandamoo32]

I have 4 children. 2 by my ex. 2 by my husband. Husband and i have agreed thru this whole pregnancy we had 2 boys 2 girls so its time to stop having kids. NOW less than 8 days away from delivering  #4 husband has changed his mind and doesnt support my wish for a tubal. Any advice???? Ive had 3 different birthcontrol babies now and have been pregnant 4 outta the last 6 yrs. Im done. How do i get him on board??

[Cmhjrc]

Let me get this straight...you husband won't use condoms because you're married?  Does he not want to prevent a pregnancy?  Since your methods of birth control have failed, you would think he'd be willing to use them so that you wouldn't have to put yourself through more pills, or iud's.  Why should you have to take medications that add hormones to your body and cause side effects just because he doesn't want to use condoms.  I'm sorry, that seems selfish on his part.  At least he should consider using them after your baby is born until you both come to a decision about a different method.
Good luck!!!  

[mamaof4410]

my DH and I were going back and forth on this for weeks. I have had 2 mc's and i have 3 beautiful babies and one on the way. all his. He wanted me to have a tubal because he's afraid of what the pregnancies have done to my body. And with the way the economy is things are getting rather expensive. But we sat down and I explained to him that if i did this I know I will regret it when Im 30 and want another baby (im only 23). he ultimately gave in to my wishes and said that he would be ok with me not having the tubal done if i got either the IUD or the Implanon. Something more full proof than the pill. Its a life changing decision you both have to agree on if not your going to resent him for making you do this

[Michele, Katy, TX]

I too agree that you should both agree.  I had thought I would have no more than 3 kids.  Then my husband was not okay with that.  We argued a bit because I felt like I was the one that had to go through everything.  All he had to do was the "fun" part.  But I would/could never have done anything without his total approval.  I am now on #7 and it is not because of him.  He was fine with me not having more kids like 2 kids ago.  I just changed my mind over time I guess.  My husband could go on having kids forever if that is what I wanted.

I would just do the double birth control thing until you can both agree on what should be done.  My guess is that to your husband, the tubal just feels so permanent and final.  That is one reason why I can't bring myself to get one.  I just can't do it but I know I am done after this one.  I just never want to NOT have the option to have another child or to have that choice taken from me.  Probably sounds silly, but that is just my take on it and my reasoning.  Good luck!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

I agree that if you both are not 100% sure on this that you should wait until you are.  It's understandable that he wants a boy of his OWN.  Yes he has his 2 step sons but it's not the same.  However, you BOTH need to agree on more children or no more children, if you can't do this on your own, perhaps some counseling will help you both see the others point of view.  If you think your body can't handle any more pregnancies, perhaps you could enlist your doctors help to explaint his to your DH.  

My DH and I have 5 kids together (1 was stillborn) and I have a daughter from a prev relationship that DH is raising as his own.  We talked about tubal vs. vasectomy...he was going to get one then decided he didn't want to.  Neither of us want to TRY for more kids, but if it happens, it happens and we will love and accept that child just as much as we do our others.  I'm not on birth control becuase I don't like the way they make my body react and neither of us like condoms so we basically just watch my cycle and leave it up to God.  

I think the two of you really need to have a serious discussion about this BEFORE you make any final decisions either way.

[mandamoo32]

Thanks for the reply no worries you came across fine. ....,
His dr is not as willing to do the vsect on him as mine is a tubal on me. He has a bleeding disorder and is 2 yrs youngr than me. He has been fine with the idea of no more kids until this last week. Then completly flip flops and says he wants a boy since my 2 boys are from a previous relationship. I thought we were in agreement now my whole  plan has to change again b/c he is against this. Thats why im upset.
I was on the pill with #2 nueva ring with #3 and mirena iud when this last preg happened.
His take on condoms is were married we dont need them anymore... So im kinda lost on options and at a loss for words cause idk what to do anymore

[JoyRenee]

PS I'm totally not accusing you of anything. I think my reply came off a little meanly and I didn't mean to come off that way. I'm actually pretty laid-back and just throwing out ideas.

[JoyRenee]

This is definitely something you should both agree on before going through it. Even though it is your body you'd be taking away something from him as a couple. Men who get vasectomy behind their partner's back are thought of negatively so I don't think it'd be fair for a woman to do it either. Perhaps finding a new birth control and charting your cycles would be a good place to start. Using birth control AND condoms can increase the chance of not conceiving.

Perhaps he'd prefer to have a vasectomy to you having the tubal? What is his take on it all?