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Avatar universal

Claims she is preganant, is she lying? What do I do?

OK, here goes..

I am a 22 year old male. About 2 months ago I met up with a 17 year old girl I met online. We had sex on the first date. I didnt use a condom, but pulled out. I was aware she was not on any birth control.

After we had sex, she went weird, trying to make me tell her what I thought of her and what my impressions of her were (on a 1st date!). Looking back, I think she was a bit attached before we had even met. When I wouldnt answer (just cos I thought it was an odd thing to be talking about) she ignored me for about half an hour refusing to tell me what the problem was. I didnt want a 2nd date. I even had to turn her down for more sex. She wasnt happy at all, saying I was rude and everything, but we did eventually agree to be mates.

About a week later she tells me online that she has something to tell me and I wont like it. After causing some drama with me repeatedly saying u might as well tell me now, she says she was a week late. I told her to get tested. I read about it online for her and found that the best time to take a pregnancy test was after 10 days. On that day she text me telling me shes pregnant.

At first I believed her. I for one cannot understand what anyone could possibly gain from lying about this, but apparantly some women do it. Little did I know a girl has actually done it to my brother before (lied about it)! Anyway, when I found out it messed with my head a little and I was straight off to go get a bottle of vodka which had me pretty drunk that night. Silly of me I know, but she rang and I talked to her about it that night (still drunk). Eventually she decides she has to keep it.

Thing is, she is doing some very odd things and I have no idea weather its hormones doing it or a cover up. I've never understood women that well in general. Anyway, here is what doesnt quite add up:

1) We live in different towns. I've arranged to meet up with her 3 times now. Each time she has turned her phone off on the day and stood me up. Its the same routine. 2-3 days later I'll get some text about something else like this just never happened. I tell her off about it, then she has clever ways of twisting it round like, 'are you going to hold this against me forever?' I didnt know how to answer that one - it just wasnt the point at all. This is odd because you would think if she really was pregnant, she would be desperate to have me involved somehow. Right? I've offered to be there and everything, this is why I thought it was a good idea to meet up and discuss things. She seemed to think so too until the days to meet came. It almost seems like she is just buying time..One of the times she was even on the internet about an hour and a half after we were supposed to meet. Its very unlikely she could have got back home in that time, therefore unlikely she had come down at all like she claimed she did.

2) She has already had 2 early scans. I dont really understand how pregnancy is counted, but one was 5 weeks after we had sex (4 weeks since her missed period) and her 2nd was 2 weeks later. This doesnt seem right at all. I know they can do one scan if there are any problems, but she hasnt told me of any. I text her about 5 hours ago asking if there were any problems with either of the scans and shes just ignored that. I should mention that she has already had 1 miscarriage before. She said something about there being a problem with the thyroid gland, it miscarried and messed up one of her ovaries. Could this have something to do with it?

Anyway, there is more to this whole crazy situation and I'm sure I'll think of it as the discussion goes. just for the record, I want to do the right thing here. If she has this baby there is no way I'm leaving it without a father. The problem I have now is how do I go about finding out weather she is lying or not? This is of course even harder considering she has so far refused to meet up (I havnt seen her since the apparant conception). If she isnt how do I go about getting on good terms with her when she is constantly looking for drama out of nothing (very unbalanced girl - she even cuts herself and claims its not a problem cos it makes her feel good)?

I just really want to do whats right here. Any help much appreciated..
29 Responses
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589762 tn?1330207135
I agree with the ladies..... Hun it seems like your being taken for a ride! YES she possibly is pregnant becuase it will show a postive 16 days after she is suppose to start her period.... BUT the chances of it being yours are VERY slim due to her ovulation dates.... like joy and the other ladies said women normally ovulate (that is the ONLY time a woman can get pregnant) 2 weeks before her period is due to start....you had sex with her 1 week before it was due to start which means she most likely had already ovulated and was already pregnant! With the dates you have given the chances of you being the father are VERY VERY slim...... I understand that your at a loss and want to do the right thing and I commend you for that..... all you can do is try to be there for her until you find out if it truly is yours..... and if she is making it difficult CUT HER OFF..... dont speak to her.... let her come to you, I think she is playing games....refuse to be a player..... Just sit back and let things happen bc you will eventually find out if she is lying and if not you will find out if its yours or not.... You do not need to be drug through the mud in the process...... Good luck!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
JUST ASK HER WHAT OB SHE GOES TO.. AND JUST SHOW UP ON THE DAY SHE HAS AN "APPOINTMENT" SERIOUSLY THIS IS RIDICULOUS. AND IF SHE IS LYING,, GIVE HER THE SPACE THAT SHE NEEDS YOU MOVE ON AND LIVE YOUR LIFE AND STOP USING THOSE DATING SITES WHAT IF YOU COULD HAVE GOTTEN AN STD.. BE CAREFUL YOUR STILL YOUNG. EVERYTHING WILL BE OKAY TAKE CARE<3
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Avatar universal
if it's 16 days after sex yes. but since it was RIGHT before she was supposed to start and she IS pregnant the chances are that the baby is not yours. BUT it all depends when she ovulated. that's the big thing. if you don't know when she ovulated the only way to know if the baby is yours (and again IF she is even pregnant) is to have a paternity test done.

with the dr's. it depends on the ob/gyn. my ob doesn't see anyone for pregnancy until the 13th week unless it's a multiples pregnancy or the woman has a history of m/c's or complications throughout pregnancy. that's also when he schedules the first u/s. the only thing he does (unless there is a known history of m/c's or again it's multiples) is prescribe prenatals and the blood work. and i wouldn't have seen him any earlier then 13 weeks (i had no clue until i was 9 weeks i was having twins) had it not been for my er visit and u/s they did while i was there to make sure the "baby" was ok and we found out it was 2.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I had sex with her 6 days before she was supposed to come on (but apparantly didnt). She took the test another 10 days later so thats 16 since the sex, could a HPT not pick up a pregnancy then?

Another weird thing...she managed to get a doctors appointment the day after the HPT and then asked me what we do from here. I asked 'didnt the doctor tell you that?' to which she replied 'not really, just gave me some leaflets.' She wouldnt go into details at all. Does this seem odd to anyone else?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
unless her ovulation is off....you would have to know her ovulation dates. that's the ONLY time a woman can get pregnant is when she is ovulating. which like joy said is normally 2 weeks before her period is due. and again like she said she can't tell a week after the sexual encounter that she is pregnant. it takes at least 2 weeks for the hcg to be prominent enough in a womans urine to be detected on an hpt.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Are you sure? I did read through searching google that a pregnancy test is best taken 10-12 days after the missed period. She said she was supposed to 'come on' on the 30th.

Is there not a way it could be mine anyway? Even if it was an unlikely time? Or is it an actual impossibility?

By the way, I really appreciate everybodys help. Seriously, I know you dont have to. Its good to know people care..
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
The way conception works is that you ovulate TWO WEEKS before your next period. You had sex with her when she was DUE for her period. Therefore, if she really is pregnant, it's not yours.

And you cannot find out you're pregnant until about 2 weeks after sex via urine test. Definitely can't find out 1 week after via urine test.

You're being taken on a ride.
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Avatar universal
I can respect all of that, I really can. I dont care about my pride or anything anymore, I just want to know what to do to make this right (though hopefully without her playing games with me for the rest of our lives). Is there any way at all to get through to women who are feeling like this?

btw she text me saying she was havin a scan that day for the first one. She told me about the 2nd one in advance. I said I couldnt go, but asked if she could post me the scans. She then said she would post me both and that she feels like she is doing this alone. I dont know if this was a bad idea, but I text her back asking if she would feel comfortable speaking to my mum, saying she seems to understand better (she had offered to do this when I told her). About 2 days later I got a prank call. I didnt ring back because I was quite drunk at the time so instead text her to tell her I dint have calling credit, asking what was up. No response. 2 days later (yesterday) I text her asking if there was a problem with either of the scans. No response.

This is where I am at now...
Helpful - 0
689265 tn?1251130087
at best, you are dealing with a pregnant woman. and, believe me, they can be hell. it's the hormones. she would not be understanding about you missing the scans AT ALL - even if you had good reason.
I actually agree that it should have been a joint decision...or at least that she considered your opinion. at the end of the day though, it is her call - that's how the law works.
All i can think to suggest is that you text once in a while to ask how she is and how the pregnancy is going...and fairly soon to say you're upset not to have been at a scan so far and when is the next one so you can go.
If she has entirely shut you out...there's not a lot you can do about it at this stage.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
Yea I see what you mean, its not for me to decide and I honestly do respect that, but the reason I'm bringing it up as a dilema is that I think we should at least talk about it face to face or with a councellor as we are both involved. I suppose thats not for me to decide. Point taken.

And no I dont know where she lives, otherwise I'd have been round there. I don't know how she could possibly be pist I missed them, one she told me about on the day and the other I couldnt get time off work for. Not much I can do about that, though saying that its not like I'm dealing with an understanding person here.
Helpful - 0
689265 tn?1251130087
and if she has been lying...i don't understand why she'd let you know when the scans were. maybe she's pist at you for missing them
Helpful - 0
689265 tn?1251130087
sorry hun, that isn't your dilemma, that's hers. in the eyes of the law it's entirely her decision what she does about the pregnancy ( if there is one ). I know that's not a good MORAL viewpoint...but it is the legal one. women ovulate usually 14 days before they have their period. the egg lives for 24 hours maximum. on that info, not too likely she's conceived by you BUT we cannot be absolutely certain when she ovulated here...it's just an indicator. She would have been nearly 9 weeks pregnant when she had her first scan ( pregnancy is counted from the first day of her last period, not when conception occured). i fail to see why she'd have another 12 days later...unless a problem was found that needed monitoring. they don't like to do too many ultrasounds. do you know where she lives? i'd be inclined to turn up there with a pregnancy test.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
OK, just to clarify even further I'm going to put the dates in:

24/04/2009 - we had sex

30/04/2009 - she was supposed to start her period

07/05/2009 - she tells me online that she is a week late

10/05/2009 - after me telling her to take a test on this day (as apparantly 10 days after missed period is most accurate) she texts me to tell me she is pregnant

02/06/2009 - 1st scan

14/06/2009 - 2nd scan

I hope I'm being taken for a ride, only I have no idea how I would prove that.

The problem is if she is pregnant, I'm not sure she has thought much about the other options (get rid or adopt). I wanted to speak to her in person about this and will respect her decision and do what I can. The later I leave it though, the harder it is to get rid, this is the dilema.
Helpful - 0
505857 tn?1329681517
If she is pregnant i really don't think you are the father, it takes 2 weeks after having sex to find out if you have missed your period, you can't find out in a week you normally have a scan about 5 weeks as anytime before then you wouldn't see much.  From the 1st day of your period until the 1st day of your next if you are pregnant is classed as 4 weeks if you know what i mean.  I think your being taken for a ride i don't even think she really is pregnant no doubt the next thing you'll hear is she's had a miscarriage.  i wish you all the best and hope you get the results your looking for!!
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I dont blame anyone for critisism, its nothing I havnt already told myself over and over. I realise how stupid and selfish I've been and trust me it does not feel good and if nothing else I've learned my lesson - unprotected sex, though it feels MUCH better, its just not worth the consequences. I guess I just had the stupid attitude of it wont happen to me..But to the person who thinks I am lying..what would I have to gain from doing that exactly?

I've asked her to post pictures of both scans and she said she would. I have no idea weather she actually will or not as there seems to be a pattern of her saying she will do something and then just not.

I get that we need to have a face to face discussion. Just to clarify, I havnt seen her since the sex. She told me she was a week late online, then text me at 10 days late to tell me she had took the test and was pregnant. I have tried to meet up with her. She even seems to agree its the best idea when we are arranging it, but then just avoids the situation entirely.

If she wont ever meet me I am honestly at a loss for what to do. She told me about one of the scans on the day so couldnt make that, then I was in work for the other one and couldnt get it off. I text her askin her if there were any problems with either of the scans yesterday and still no reply. Its starting to look like she is cutting me off which is weird cos recently there have been no arguments with us..

The only problem with cutting her off is that what if she is telling the truth? Worst case scenario here is that my baby is being taken care of by a very unbalanced woman without me being able to have any contact. Knowing that could happen is hard to deal with, but I'm still not causing drama. My aim here is to do the right thing whatever happens.

Looking at how its calculated makes this even weirder. It means she has had scans at 3 and 5 weeks. Another point to clarify - we had sex, a week later she missed her period. Could it have been me?

I like the idea of contacting her parents - clever. Only thing is I know nobody she does and would have no way of doing this. I could get in touch with her older sister (who she has apparantly told) via facebook, but thats about it, would that be a good idea?
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I think you should play her little game, at least a little. Tell her you want to meet her parents and if she doesn't let you, go find them and tell them that their daughter is supposedly pregnant. We'll see what she says to that
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Avatar universal
In my opinion, if she is unwilling to meet with you, then she is only looking for drama and attention.  Personally, I wouldn't get in touch with her or talk to her AT ALL for a few weeks.  If you act like you don't care, I'll bet you she will contacting YOU and then you can tell her you will meet her under the conditions the other posters have noted (take a test in front of you, see the ultrasound pictures, etc).  If she refuses, then tell her that there is no reason for you to be in contact with her anymore.

If she is really trying to hold onto to you, she would go out of her way to see you.
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
In my opinion, if she is unwilling to meet with you, then she is only looking for drama and attention.  Personally, I wouldn't get in touch with her or talk to her AT ALL for a few weeks.  If you act like you don't care, I'll bet you she will contacting YOU and then you can tell her you will meet her under the conditions the other posters have noted (take a test in front of you, see the ultrasound pictures, etc).  If she refuses, then tell her that there is no reason for you to be in contact with her anymore.

If she is really trying to hold onto to you, she would go out of her way to see you.
Helpful - 0
422891 tn?1315179920
Read the post wrong about your brother SORRY yea but go buy a test and have her to take it in front of you and then go from there.
Helpful - 0
883151 tn?1245514509
Honestly, I have heard of women lying about pregnancy to get a guy to be with them. They make the guy believe they are pregnant then make up a miscarriage or will get with the guy and have unprotected sex with them until they do actually become pregnant.

If you really want to do the right thing, don't just assume it's a lie. Try to be there for her as much as possible (WITHOUT SEX). Tell her you will go to appointments with her. If she's ignoring you it's hard to say what's going on. She could just be ashamed that she's pregnant with a guy she doesn't know, or that she may not know who the father actually is, I mean having sex on the first date with someone you met on the internet is kinda grounds for promescuity(sry if spelled wrong). Or she may possibly not be pregnant.

I don't want to encourage you to be rude about things but you need to stand your ground and let her know you are not going to be taken advantage of or anything. Tell her you want her to take a test right in front of her or you're not going to be there for her because you don't want to be lied to. Tell her about what happened to.... your brother was it? and don't want to go through the same thing. She might get upset about that either way. She might get insulted that you don't trust her or she would be mad that you backed her into a corner. Either way tell her you do barely know her and just want to be certain, because you need to know.
Helpful - 0
422891 tn?1315179920
She told your brother the exact same thing. This girl is not to be trusted, let alone be in a relationship with . She needs help and i dont think she is pregnant, if she is then it couldn't possibly be yours,
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934644 tn?1245336749
I had a girl who tried to do this to my now husband.  We were going through a rough time.  I bought 3 different pregnancy tests for her to take and at first she refused.  He finally told her he would never talk to her again and she took them.  All three were negative.  She then had a cousin who had recently miscarried at that time and she tried to show him her cousin's ER papers proving she had a miscarriage.  Of course I made him check the name and it proved she was lying the whole time.  I don't think she is pregnant and if she is I doubt she is pregnant by you based on the dates.  Maybe she got pregnant before this and the dad ran out on her.  Be sure to get a DNA test if she is pregnant though.  In Arkansas where we live you cannot put the father on a birth certificate unless he is present with his I.D., so check into that also just to make sure she cannot put you on there without you being there.  Some girls have mental issues (cutting herself is a good indicator) that can be very minor, but they have a need to feel wanted.  Getting pregnant by you means you will stick around.  Good luck and be sure to post how things turn out.
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Avatar universal
In the off-chance that you are being truthful I'll answer the question.

If she was a week late one week after you had sex then she couldn't be pregnant. She would've gotten pregnant before she met you.
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Avatar universal
Your profile says you're female.
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