Decision to keep or abort

[law84]

Hi,

I am a 24 year old girl who is currently working as a law clerk and have just enrolled in my law degree by correspondence.  I have fallen pregnant i am nearly 12 weeks and i have been very stressed and sick with worry as to what i do with the baby. I am in a relationship with a guy for only a year but my ex still wont leave me alone which causes stress on the relationship. I have just brought my first house about a year ago with my twin sister and thats where i live now. If i choose to have the baby i will have to move out of home.

I am scared of what my future holds and dont want to be a failure to my family.

My nan thinks i am not ready for baby and has always wanted me to succeed in my career.

My mum and dad support whatever decision so does the father of the baby.  I am just scared of everything.

Please help.

[JoyRenee]

Hi sweetie! You really do have a tough decision! What I believe doesn't matter. But what do you believe? Can I tell you a little bit about your baby right now? I know you're 12 weeks along, but at 11 weeks you baby has ALL of his/her major organ systems in place and is recognizable as a human being.

No longer is the baby called "embryo" but is now known as "fetus", a Latin word meaning, "Young One".

Your baby is two inches long. Your baby's body will grow very rapidly the next few weeks and the tissue and organ systems will continue to mature and differentiate. The eyelids are fully formed and closed to protect the eyes.

Your child can yawn and suck his/her thumb.

When a baby is conceived, it has all the genetic material to build a body, organs, muscles... AND personality! Your little one is already a little person, with a mind and heartbeat.

Whatever choice you make is one you have to live with for the rest of your life. Just because your dreams are put on hold doesn't mean they won't happen. In fact, you may be driven harder to succeed just for that sweet, precious baby.

Please let me know if you'd like to talk. You can message me privately any time!

[Cristy242]

Hi there,

I just read your post and dont know what dicision you made, hope you kept the baby. I made the mistake of losing mine and not a day goes by that I dont ache for the loss. I wish I had been stronger and not let myself be influenced into something I did not want to do. I cant make time go back, but I can tell all young or older ladies.....please...please do not abort. there is allways a way and you will be so so happy that you had your baby. Look for a friend to give you support and believe in God. He has a plan for us all.

God Bless you all.

Cristy

[Mea426]

Wow! Your emotions must be pulling you in all kinds of directions. Personally I don't believe in aborting a child because of one irresponsable night, but that will be a decision you yourself will have to make. Like some of the other people on here say there is always adoption. I was adopted and know my biological family and feel very blessed to have both families in my life! I hope you will be able to clear your mind so you can make the right decision for yourself. Good Luck to you! I'll be praying for you.

[JoyRenee]

Aw, that was sweet. I have training in how to speak on subjects like these. I volunteer at Birthright, a crisis pregnancy center. It's actually the first pregnancy center ever, in the world, and it started in Canada. We now have... I think 600 Birthright locations throughout Canada, the US, and a few sprinkled in other parts of the world.

I stumbled on this forum when I was trying to ask the doctor about period issues and for some reason, MedHelp sent me to this forum (I have no clue how I got here). I've been here ever since offering advice. Now I want to TTC and have baby #3!!!

[luv2bmommy]

i just wanted to compliment you on how you handled this, i dont know your background or what you hope to get from this forum, but i think you are very useful to those that are here! how i wish i had had someone to talk to and just to give me the facts and offer help when i was in her similar position years ago. it takes integrity to not cast stones with a topic like this, even if it means a lot to you. i hope it can encourage the rest of us to do the same. =D

[nikisinki]

to all of you that felt so deeply about writting to me and my comment that i wrote, i really do not care what you have said to me, i wrote her my response, and that is what i felt, some of the comments were very cruel and yes, nobody can say they weren't., so, yes, i do understand what it is like to be unbelieveably stressful to try and conceive because this morning i woke to having my period when thinking i was pregnant, and it is killing me today, i cant stop crying., feels like im being punished from god because when i was younger, i had an abortion and everyday its killing me because not a day goes by when i dont think about it, everything i went through and the physical pain i had at the time, and still to this day it hurts like nobody can believe and if i could go back in time, than i would go in a second, but that is something that i cannot do., just writting this is making me cry, because it hurts much more than these words can ever explain!!! i wrote those things because i do know what it is like to be in her shoes, and believe me, its not an easy situation to be in, but this is a pregnancy forum, i do know that, and that is why i joined, but when i read things like some of those women wrote, its not going to do anything, but make any girl want to run to the clinic., people do things more when they are told not to do them, and i think each and everyone of us can say that they've done so, so when you do write to someone about such a sensitive topic, you need to be caring and understanding, not hurtful. so i do apologize again for writting my cruel things that i did write about the people leaving such hurtful comments, i do not know anyone on here, and i shouldnt say anything about people i do not know., so please accept my apologizes everyone, IM SORRY  ~~nicole

[Michele, Katy, TX]

THANK YOU MO41486!!!!!!  And Danielle, you have nothing to feel bad about.  This is a public forum and is based on people's experiences and opinions.  We all know that coming onto this forum!!!  If we don't get passionate about our babies, what should we be passionate about??  That is the thing in my life that I am the most passionate about!!

[LosingMyMindInGA]

As Joy said this lady has already made her decision to keep the baby.  She has a new post titled "DECISION".  

[Leanna26]

Law I understand what kind of situation you are in, and its very difficult to make this decision by yourself and have no support. You are 24 though and an adult. You can do it. I know it looks hard now. I am also currently pregnant and trying to attend school for a bachelor's degree.
It isn't impossible to be able to do both, you can summon the strength deep down inside that you don't even know you have.
If you have to move, then so be it. You can do it girl! People juggle both, even though the first year is difficult. You will get help with babysitting. Contact your local Social Services, let them know your situation, perhaps even some support groups or councling will help you. If only for the support that you need right now. I'm not gonna lie, it will put stress on you relationship and school life, but you will get through it. Mom and dad will help out! I hope all goes well for you, please give us some updates to how you are doing. *Hugz* everything will be alright.

[altavista]

I think you are 24 and an adult!!! And for heavens sake, 12 weeks pregnant!! You have a half developed child in there.  

SO PLEASE HAVE YOUR BABY...you are going to love the baby once they are here.  If not, you can put up your baby for adoption....there are sOOOOO many parents out there who would love to have a baby in their lives.

[JoyRenee]

Guys, she already decided to keep the baby. I believe she titled that post "Decision" if you want to take a look-sy. Let's not get in a fight about how we addressed this and just remember to be sweet next time around. There will always be someone questioning what to do!

[mo41486]

Just because somone is pro life doesn't make them miserable in their lives!  I'm 100% pro life and not at all miserable.  And just because these woman want an innocent little baby to be able to have a chance at life doesn't make them miserable.  Yes, it is her decision to make, but she came onto this forum and asked for our help/opinions and that's what we gave her!!

[judylacar]

Very true Danielle, could not have said it better if I had tried

[danielle72007]

I find your comment very offensive... after reading my comment I realized that I had come about it the wrong way, and I apologized, I even sent a private message apoligizing to her.. and yes she should follow her heart.. I just dont' believe in abortion with that being said I should go about voicing my opinion in a different way... as for your comment about these are the types of people that are so miserable in their lives you are so incredibly wrong, I am not miserable in any way shape or form.. I will voice my opinion when I am asked, again I should do it in a positive manner, and I would not be standing outside an abortion clinic doing that to girls, it is their decision but when I'm asked I would tell them what I thought.. Most of these women on this forum either have children or are desperately trying to conceive, you should think about what you say before you come onto a forum like this when people want a baby soo desperately and are having trouble conceiving..

[LosingMyMindInGA]

No one goes into their first pregnancy KNOWING what to do...it's partly instinct and partly a learning process. I had my first child a month shy of my 19th birthday...the father fell out of the picture with record speed.  SHe is now 11 and I have never regretted the road i turned on to by choosing to have her.  There are millions of women all over the world who have children either alone or with the father and continue to pursue their career and other life goals.  It sounds like you have a strong support network, that is very important.  Take advantage of it.  This is a decision only you can make, but remember...even if you decide that you can't handle parenthood at this stage in your life there are thousands of couples out there who would be overjoyed to your child a loving, caring, stable home.  

[nikisinki]

wow, most of these women are very cruetial with their comments about this subject, but you know what, you shouldn't listen to them, honestly!!! whatever you are thinking deep within your heart, than that is what you need to listen to. if you want to have the baby, than have the baby, if you are leaning more towards the abortion, than have the abortion. if you are thinking of having the baby and than giving him/her up for adoption for another family, than do that., these people are very cruel with their comments, and you shouldn't get upset about them. these are the types of people that are so miserable in life and u would see on one of those picket lines outside of an abortion clinic trying to make girls feel bad about the decision that they had to make, so honestly hunny, do what ur heart is telling you to do, and that is the best advice that u will get, listen to your heart.

[mo41486]

Hello Iaw84.  I know you have a hard decision to make and no one can make it for you.  Have you heard the baby's heart beat yet???  If not, maybe you should go have a listen before making your decision.  Or, go for an ultra sound if you can.  At 12 weeks you'll see your baby's heart beating and you'll see him/her moving around.  I had an ultra sound done at 10 weeks and it was the most amazing thing ever.  You baby is alive in your uterus.  Just think about it before making your decision.  

[danielle72007]

I do not by any means agree with abortion.. I do not believe it is right to stop a beating heart, or even a heart that hasn't yet begun to beat.  You are pretty far along and I do believe there is evidence to show that your baby will feel the affects of abortion.. "The Silent Scream."  My sister found out she was pregnant at 15 and delivered her daughter at 16.  Yes, it is a life changing event and nothing will be the same but this baby or any baby for that matter is a blessing and I'm not exactly trying to be rude but Who are you to play God???  I had a miscarriage in Feb and would have done ANYTHING to carry my child to term and have him or her with me now, I wasn't given that choice.. Now I am almost 10 weeks pregnant and could not be happier, I don't understand how you couldn't feel some sort of bond with your child.. I love this baby more than anything already, there are no words to describe it, I can not even begin to express the happiness and joy I felt when I saw my baby on the ultrasound at 8w5d, I saw the heart beating and the baby even moved a little..there are soo many women who are on this forum and other forums that DESPERATELY want to have a baby but are having some problems and yet here you are pregnant and are conisdering abortion.. its beyond me to be brutally honest.. if you don't want this baby in your life give it up for adoption just please please dont' abort this baby.. I believe if you choose to have sex you should be prepared for what happens from that, hence A BABY... You can finish school and have a baby.. here I am finishing my basics and will then be back in July of 09' to go back to Nursing School.. you can do it.. it may be hard but you can do it.... I hope you choose to keep your baby...

[law84]

for the record this is my first time on her and only come on here to get opinions and to help me face my problems and deal with it.

[adawning4]

I dont agree/believe in abortion! I think if you are old enough to lie down then you are old enough to stand up and take responsibility for your actions! I am 25 and have 2 children and one on the way..... It may be difficult having a child usually has its up and downs, good and bad... However I wouldnt change my children for anything in the world.... I dont understand how if you are buying the house with your sister, why will you need to move out? Why not just find a place  on your own then? I hope that your sister would not make you move out! I hope that you check into your options and what an abortion actually is! Can you live with yourself everyday knowing that you have taken that babies chance at a life and a future? If you dont want or dont think you can take care of your baby let someone else do it! Many families would love to be in your position only to have the baby would be a miracle for some. And women think that its ok to just get rid of their "problem". Honey its a baby with a heart beating inside of you, growing through you! Please just think very very long and hard before you decide. you can always finish school after you have the baby.... The baby should be more of a reason to further your carreer.  You are a woman, be strong and take care of your baby!!!!!!!!

[carissarae]

Hi-
i was 15 when i got pregnant with my daughter (shes 7 now) and i know how it feels for you to feel like you are going to disappoint people or be a "failure" BUT let me tell you. Its not like that at all, sure at first people might not be so fond of the idea of a baby, but it DOES NOT ruin your life.  I had my daughter, finished high school, went to beauty school and now am a manager of  hair salon, also preggo with #2! :) and i never imagined having a child so young, but she is the best thing that ever happened to me. i dont think you are ever really "ready" to have a baby, but its the best blessing in the world. please dont harm your baby, there is too many people in this world that CANT have babies. there is always adoption. please give your baby a chance to live a wonderful life even if its not with you!

[Jaces312]

It can be very scary to bring a child into the world when you feel as though you are not ready (is anyone ever really "ready"?) However, I can assure you that it is even more scary to abort one's own offspring and have to live with the guilt from doing so. But from the looks of it, you really dont want to, which is a good thing :-) Dont let anyone tell you that you are not ready to have your child, because quite honestly the fact that you are concerned for your unborn child shows that you ARE ready, in my opinion. I think you will be a great mom :-)

[law84]

yes i do have to move out as my sister does not want to live with me and a baby which i respect.

[cindy82]

hey, i dont think there is ever a time when you will have a clue weather you will be a good mom or not or   where  to start, even after 2 kids its still a learning experance to me. all i can say is look at your options, decide whats your heart tells you.