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1757697 tn?1313069068

Needing to Vent/Advice

I recently had a c-section in mid january. I was a 4th year university student full time student but I dropped down to part-time. I live with my boyfriend in a house. He is in university but never actually goes to class, and works twice a week. I breast feed and wake up and take care of my daughter normally 24 hours around the clock, clean the house, and do my part time class work. This morning my daughter had already been fed but wanted to be carried around. I asked him to get up because i wanted to sleep cause i never get to sleep in and he said " he wants to sleep to" (yet a majority of the time he gets more sleep than I do). Apart from this, I had to get up although he said he was going to ( he never did) and wanted the newborn to CIO. I ended up calling him lazy for not waking up and tended to our daughter. This morning he told me he works and all my lazy *** does is sit at home and do nothing all day and i have all the time in the world to sleep during the day so i shouldn't  go complaining ( yet my newborn is over a month old and is up and wants to be held during the day, when she is asleep i am cleaning, or doing my hmwk), he said that when he comes home, he sees my "lazy" *** napping on the couch. And all i do is stay at home i don't work i don't do ****. Yet as i said, my house is always clean, i take care of our daughter and do my school work, I am also one month out of a c-section, and exhausted. Could i really be that lazy? We had a fight today and i would like to go home to my families house to get our daughter away from it and from crying but i apparently can leave but she has to stay yet he won't even move his car. am i in the wrong? Because for me, that one bit of napping i do get does compare to the sleep he gets.
6 Responses
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1901977 tn?1333991726
I do think you should leave the baby with him for a day...just tell him you're going to your mom's for one 24 hour period...and let him appreciate all that you have to do in the day while you rest. If you come home to a messy house, ask him why he's being so lazy he can't even keep the house clean. He needs a reality check.
Helpful - 0
964234 tn?1331949207
I would have a serious talk with him if I were you and tell him to grow up. Maybe the two of you could come up with a schedule like he take the baby after one of the feedings and let you sleep and he pick a chore or two to help you with. Two people are parents of this child not just you, and the parenting duties need to be shared when he is around and not working.  The way I see it is he works, well so do you it's your job to care for the baby while he is gone.  But, this child is just as much his job as yours.

My husband had to go right back to work after my csection and as soon as I got home with my child.  He would come strait home, cook dinner for me and take the baby and I would go to bed.  I would get back up to put the baby down for the night and go back to sleep with him... then wake up when duty called in the middle of the night because he had to go to work.  That extra sleep really helped.  My son to this day is 18 months old and my husband helps me clean on the weekends and gives me a day to sleep in.  I used to work more than full time before my baby and now I am a stay at home mom.  It's harder than any job I had ever had and my husband knows that. If your boyfriend can feed the baby (if you can pump) why don't you leave the baby with him for 5 plus hours and go have some "you" time.  I bet you he will be appreciating all you do by the time you get back.  

You are feeding every two hours probably, just out from surgury and needing rest to heal, still keeping up on your school, and keeping up the house.  His job is to support you right now since you are breast feeding and help you adjust/heal.  Another suggestion is maybe to call a family member to come over and help out for a few days so you can get some rest.  Best of luck to you!
Helpful - 0
1752977 tn?1418221796
I agree with you, its one thing to know your duties but, its another when someone expects you to do everything yet doesn't appreciate. If he won't move his car, when he's working or sleeping you should just leave. Maybe have family pick you up. And he should see real quick how much you do actually do during the day. Of course take your daughter with you. I wouldn't let him get away with the comments as they may get worse.
Helpful - 0
1757697 tn?1313069068
It's the comments I'm upset about not my duties. I shouldn't be treated like that
Helpful - 0
Avatar universal
I go through similar stuff. My husband works ALOT tho so i have no choice but to allow him to sleep and for me to take care of everything at home. Im now pregnant with our 3rd baby and our youngest is 1.5 yrs old. I can tell u that the older the baby gets, the easier it will be for him to help. Im not making excuses for men or saying its right but theres a lot of guys that dont have those "motherly instincts " like we do. It all comes natural to us and even tho its exhausting i can tell u that it will get better. Im sorry ur not happy. Just keep asking for more help and if u need to leave for a break maybe itd be best. Good luck!
Helpful - 0
2008858 tn?1343844041
I'm afraid its all part of being a mom. No sleep or hot food and drinks. Explain to him you need more help and am just going home for a week to have a rest. Explain he doesn't help now so how is he expecting to take care of your baby all day every day and work.
Helpful - 0
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