Unmarried.. Looked down on.

[Cassandra1127]

So I am 35 w and happily pregnant. It was planned and we are beyond happy.. But lately it getting to me that everyone keeps asking when the wedding is.. Or just saying oh your getting married soon huh? Its really ticking me off.. No wonder a lot of marriges dont work if they are rushed into it with a child! I absolutely love my boyfriend, in fact he talks about marriage everyday.. I know he is the man for me otherwise we would not have planned this pregnancy. At the time we figured what do we want to invest money in? A wedding, or a baby? Baby won. Its not that.i dont want to marry..i think its a beautiful thing.. But not anytime soon, due to the fact people are going to think its because of the baby.. And not love. I recently had an old man tell me if im not married by the time my baby is here my boyfriend dowsnt love me and god will not protect my son. Wtf you crazy old geeser! I know I am not doing anything wrong and that this baby is being brought into the world      w with nothin but love but why do people have to be so rude and assume because we are not married that this is an oops or that it would be the reason why we marry..  Anyone else have the same thing?

[lisaerin86]

I can't relate bc I am married but I just wanted to tell you about my parents...they had me when they were 18 and 20 yrs old and they didn't want to get married bc they were having a baby. Two years after having me they decided to get married bc they loved each other and it was what they both wanted...not everyone agreed with how long it took but they didn't care. This fall they will have been married for 22 yrs and they are so happy together (their marriage is something my hubby and I look up to) plus they were/still are awesome parents and now wonderful grandparents :) only you and your boyfriend know what is right for you and just bc you aren't married doesn't mean your not going to make great parents!!

[xbeccaxnicolex]

No matter what decision you make about it, you will still have someone judge you. I'm a married college graduate with a job and still get judged and looked down on. My Hubby and I were only engaged around 7 months before we found out I was pregnant but we ended up signing marriage license papers a few months later. It was not only something we wanted and felt strongly about, but his nanny wanted it too before she passed away. My husband grew up without a dad(he doesn't even know who his dad is other than a name) and was pretty much raised by his grandparents his whole childhood (and his mom died before he was 18). I was raised by my father (a big biker man raising FOUR girls lol). And I guess we wanted our son to have what we didn't - to not have a broken home and have happily married parents.  Yeah, we skipped out on a wedding bc we would have rather spend spent that money on our son. But we'll have a wedding when our son is old enough to be the ring barred. I don't even know why I told all that. But either way, no matter what choice you make people will judge and criticize. You just gotta look past it.

[mizy_g]

Omg i totally get you. as soon as everyone found out i was pregnant a lot of people started asking me when the wedding was. I looked at them like is you crazy? Im 18 i don't feel like the time is right especially because im pregnant people already asking about marriage. my Bf is 22 and we were on the same page about it. i also had a sister who got married at 19 and has gone through a lot of paper work. its annoying i told them just because im gout to have a baby doesn't mean im getting married. Maybe in the future out of love. me and my boyfriend talked about it and we both decided to see what the future brings us. i do love him lots but marriage because a baby is not out of love. its more of an obligation that people except you to do. I also don't want to be married and get mad and want to be threaten of a divorce. marriage is too much to think about right now well at least for me. being together and living together is what i want right now

[teetj]

OMG!! I'm in the same position me and my boyfriend of 4 years is expecting our first and random family members on my side are texting me asking when is the wedding. We are both happy about the baby and we plan on getting married but we want our first marriage to be our only marriage so we aren't just going to go jump into something just because there is a baby in the oven.

[mrsreeder2be]

I get the same thing all the time, and I have 3 kids. I'm engaged, have been for over a year. My oldest is not his kid, but the younger 2 and the current baby are. We will get married when the time is right for us, and we can afford it. Until then everyone can kiss my a.s.s!!

[annat33]

Well I was 16 when I got pregnant she wasn't an accident I was just young and naive. But I also had a really young face to add to that people thought I was 12. So you can imagine the looks I got when they saw me pregnant. I'm actually a christain and at the time my beliefs weren't strong but they are now so I don't believe in sex before getting married however I don't think its right for others to judge everyone has the right to make there own choices. And don't worry god loves children the most so tour baby will be well protected. :)

[Hannat06]

Amen! I'm So Sick Of People Asking The Question! It ReallyBugs Me. I Do Not Want To Get Married Just Because We Are Having A Baby. It Almost Makes Me Have Something Against My Boyfriend Even Though I Shouldn't. People Need To Open Their Damn Eyes And See Its 2013 Not 1970 And We Do Not Need To Get Married Because I'm Hanging A Kid. my Boyfriend Isn't Going Anywhere And Unlike A Lot Of People I'm Lucky He Stuck Around.

[mommygg]

Girl dont worry about it people always have soemthing to say when I married my husband everyone said it was cuz I was pregnant which I wasnt I didnt get pregnant till 3 yrs after being pregnant and ppl still had the nerves to say see I told u they got married cuz she was pregnant like seriously 3 yrs into marriage it just shows how ignorant ppl are but good luck and just do what makes u happy married or not :)

[Mrs_Baze]

I got pregnant at 18, after being with my boyfriend for like 6 months. There was no way I was going torush off and marry tthis guy so soon! I got a lot if flak as well, but it eventually stops. I married him last summer, and our gorgeous 5 year old daughter was our flower girl. We got married when WE were ready, not when society thought we should. And it was the best wedding I could have asked for. We paid for it ourselves, around $5000, and that same summer bought a house. The point is, there is no shame in waiting for your perfect wedding and your perfect marriage. Have a kid or two first is not a problem at all.

[ShellyLette]

I completely understand. Well me and my boyfriend don't want to get married, but the whole everyone saying we should cuz the baby. My own father said his grand daughter isn't "legit" because were not married. Which is his nice way of saying she's a *******.

[Cassandra1127]

Thanks ladies. Just wanted to know if anyone else was in the same boat.. And as I said im not bashing anyone married I think its great if you are whether you have a big wedding then have kids of get pregnant and quick get married if thats what you feel works then good!  And obviously the guy is a quack I have to see him all the time due to he brings his wife into my salon weekly.. But he also told me I need to go to school and find a career so I can make money.... Im a stylist which indeed required school and I manage the salon and despite what he thinks I make great money... That jerk! Lol

[mamaellis]

im sorry hun.. try not to let it bug you. just stay strong and keep your head up.. all it matters is that you know you love him and that he loves you and you will marry when the time is right...

I get people who judge me as well... im currently 36 weeks pregnant with my second baby boy, have a 2 year old but not by the same guy.. people ask why I got pregnant again or why I started dating someone again when I already have a kid like im not allowed to be happy or something. but I just whatever its my life and I can do what I want.. I love my boyfriend with all my heart he is an amazing dad to my son I wouldn't change it for anything.. we are not married, we really don't talk about it much but do plan too soon, when the time is right.. people are not happy with their lives so they find other people to pick on and judge.

[courtness89]

Im 24 years old and not married to my partner. We haven't planned on getting married or even talked about marriage very much but we both agreed that when we felt ready we would. Fortunately we live in a time where its ok to have a baby and NOT be married. In my opinion its better to get married because your ready and want to instead of feeling trapped and like you have to (be married) regardless of SOME peoples opinions or feelings on the matter. Do what suits you. :) youre the one who has to live your life to please yourself not everyone else.

[Steph_2]

I'm in the same boat, marriage is a piece of paper. I had some leave a book on my door step about sins. Its not that I don't believe but it is what works for me and my immediate family not what everyone else thinks it should be. As long as your happy that is all that matters if you ask me.

[Mandatace]

If its not one thing then it's another, people aren't happy unless they have something to whinge about!
Can't say I've had the same but I have had similar, me and hubby decided to get married because I was told I would never have kids. We decided on an engagement of a couple if years before getting married. As soon as we got engaged I had people tsking at me because I didn't have a wedding planned any time soon. 18 months after we got married I was so happy to find out I was pregnant, had a healthy baby boy in 06 about a year after people started on me about having a second baby, I went of all contraception when our son was 2, so it wasn't for lack of trying! But all I got was 'you can't just have one child, that's not fair' or 'when are you having another one, don't you let your hubby touch you' it was horrible because honestly we did know if I could have another one. I tell you though it's been great telling all those nosy fools that I am pregnant with number 2!!
Keep your head up, only you have to walk in you shoes, and you do it your way! Not the way busy bodies think you should!!

[kmommy2b]

I agree people say the same thing to me but i think too many people rush into getting married just bc they are having a baby.. and it often seems like they are the ones who split up faster... im not saying everyone does there are plenty of people who get married right away and stay together but id rather wait and do it when we feel its time. dont stress it wait till its the right time

[katngary143]

I totally agree with what u r saying and u r right a baby and a wedding is expensive trust me I did both..for me getting married was important bc at the time my hubby and I only really knew each other for like 2 months and then bam I was preggers he wanted to keep it and after he told me rhat I said that well u know I want to get married not bc of the baby I just think it was the right timing and im 28 and im not getting any younger lol and also being married and having insurance was a big thing also especially for labor and delivery...my wedding was really small my dress was only like 50 bucks I think the whole wedding itself was 3000 but I wouldn't of changed it for the world I love my hubby and would do it all over again but u r doing the right thing also..save your money and have the wedding of your dreams..I just think people associate babies and marriage its just what we are raised to think...but ya just dont pay attention to what people say just as long as u r happy :))

[Kate037]

That old geezer was raised in a time where they HAD to get married if they made a baby. I know that doesn't make it hurt any less but it's just the way they are. Some people think that is the way things should be. It's disgusting and wrong I think, to get married just because of a baby. Try to ignore the haters because you know you are doing the best you can to raise this baby the best way you know how. A marriage is a piece of paper, its nothing compared to love. You just do your thing and don't let anyone tell you differently.