not pregnancy related just a vent but please give advice </3

[ashdensmommy]

So my fiance and i have been together for two years... he has kids with another woman and today he told me that they had been texting. well i was just curious what was being said because he never let me know how the kids were doing or anything. when i looked at his phone, i found messages saying "why couldn't you have just been happy with me" and another where he said "i would do anything for you and our sons but you threw me away" i am 28 weeks pregnant and very emotional so is it wrong of me to be offended by these messages? I just feel that maybe he isnt over her yet? Or is that part of my hormones. please help me :(

[Linny5511]

I'm glad you were able to talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't know himself. Hopefully he will be able to resolve his own issue soon and explain to you what is going through his head. I'm not justifying anything for him cause i would have reacted the same as you. I have dealt with the same crap from my husband and it doesn't feel good. Luckily he's been able to work through his issues and we've been good the last year. But i "dealt" with it for 3 years. I mean i put my foot down moved out a few times etc. But i hope that is something you never have to do. Do the best for you and your lil one.

[ashdensmommy]

I told him and he said "i just worry that my youngest isnt mine and i wanted the truth from her" so i said "that involves you saying why couldnt you have been happy?" He just put his head down and said "i just worry alot" so i dont know what to do... i told him that he obviously has some issues that he needs to resolve and he then went on to say "i love you more than anything blah blah blah" and i just sent him off to work. he isnt ready to talk i guess and im not ready to play games. we have a daughter coming in less than 11 weeks and the games should have been over a long time ago.

[stacey10]

good luck, tell him you've had enough and would much rather do it by yourself than be with someone who isnt with you 100%

[ashdensmommy]

I did actually. he didnt say much after i did either.. well its time to wake him up so hopefully i get some truth out of this about his feelings.

[stacey10]

yeah I hope you told him that he didnt look like (who ever you like) such n such and that he didnt do it for you!!

[ashdensmommy]

Thanks for all of your help! Hopefully i am calm enough to talk when he wakes up... i know i have put up with alot from him but i just dont think i can do it anymore, enough is enough :(

[MissJLJ]

Well you definitely have put up with more than most people would. My man would have been slapped across the face for saying my body isn't like hers. There's no right way to go about it really, just keep yourself calm for the sake of your baby and let him explain himself.

[ashdensmommy]

Maybe... :( i always assume the bad before the good just in case the bad is the truth so then maybe it wont hurt as much? I have to wake him in about 20 minutes for work, i just dont know how to talk to him about this without doing it the wrong way.

[stacey10]

well if he's doing that maybe just erase everything that I wrote above....

[stacey10]

maybe he's suffering abit form self doubt or something like that, he she may have been his first love and he may have been blind sided by the break-up and just wants to get it right in his head, I know I've said things like that before to a couple of exes, but by no means wanted to get back with them, maybe he was just letting her know that she blew it with him...

[ashdensmommy]

Something similar happened exactly one year ago this month. the day i had a miscarriage (july 13,2011) i found out. i went to pick up the kids from her and she told me that he had messaged and called her. she pulled up the online bill to show that she had not replied or anything but he kept on.. and ever since he has once called me by her name, he has looked at my body and said "it just isnt like hers" things i blew off which now i know was stupid of me to let happen... and now this. but this time she was replying also

[MissJLJ]

Definitely don't keep it to yourself for much longer, it will only eat at you and make you feel worse and worse. I think he needs to earn your trust back, but first he needs to know what you know.

[MissJLJ]

Sometimes people can have an attachment to people they've had children with. My boyfriend has a 4 yr old son with another woman, luckily he hates her, but im still uncomfortable with it and it bothers me sometimes since my first kid is with him. But if you can, try and stay calm, maybe he had a moment of weakness and felt like he wasn't good enough and just wanted to know why ya know? If this is the only time this has happened, maybe it can be fixed and stop anything else from happening.

[ashdensmommy]

Thank you for talking with me though.. at this point i feel like i need someone to talk to but i know that it is best to just talk to him and get it over with.

[ashdensmommy]

:( i thought everything was going great with us. i didnt know that he still had so many questions and feelings towards their situation. i hope that i can talk to him without getting too upset :(

[MissJLJ]

That's ****** you had to find out that way. I would talk to him about that. If he's going to be mad at you for looking through his phone, that's ridiculous, cause you have something to be way more pissed about. Just be calm and tell him how you feel and see if he can explain what's going on with him.

[ashdensmommy]

I feel bad because i even looked at his phone. i didnt even have a clue that they were talking like that. i was just trying to see if the kids were ok and see the pictures that he told me she sent of them. then i found those messages :(

[MissJLJ]

Your not wrong at all. I would be heartbroken and pissed if i saw that.  Sorry you're dealing with that :/