Adults Only Wedding

[jbean23]

Having a dilemma. One of my best friends is getting married out of town (a 10 plus hour drive or 2 hour flight) and my baby will only be 3 months old at the time of the wedding. Im supposed to be a bridesmaid. She sent sent me a text stating it apparently hadn't been clear to one of ny other friends it was adults only (hers will be 18 months) and asked me if it would be a problem. I responded by saying that if I were  breastfeeding it would. She hasn't written back and we haven't spoken since. Wondering how to handle this. I cant imagine myself being okay leaving a newborn for days regardless if I am being honest and the only real harm i see in bringing her is that if she gave me permission ot would be hard to say no to my other friend. Wanting to respect her wishes but finding th request unreasonable. Any ideas?

[brit333]

I think you should call her and not just text so that she can hear your tone. Just make sure yoy have your mind made up and know what you want to say. Good luck to you as it won't be easy to do but better to get it out there as soon as possible so other arrangements can be made if need be.

[jbean23]

Thanks. I just don't know who makes the next move. It obviously needs to be discussed but I don't know who, how, or when to bring it up. I was planning on bringing my huaband but between the financial sacrifice we are making to be there and the fact that the wedding plus reception will be a several hour event the logistics still aren't making a lot of sense. Am I supposed to meet my husband in the parking lot every few hours? Hoping we can reach some equitable solution at some point.

[abbb01]

Im sorry if I offended u ohthejoy but when I was planning my wedding I never even considered having adults only. For bday party or bbq certainly but I felt like all family should be involved its the coming together of 2 families plus I just loved seeing all the kids and my 19mth son dance and spin at my cousins recent wedding. I know off topic but I felt bad after seeing someone had had an event similar

[brit333]

I think there is a huge differance between a 3 month old and an 18 month old. And yes if you are breastfeeding that's unrealistic to say you can't bring your infant. I was not able to pump so my baby went everywhere with me. And if she wasn't able to come with me I just didn't go. Even if you aren't breastfeeding it's unrealistic to ask you to be away from your infant for more than a few hours... And that will be a few days worth of being away unless you fly but it will be 2 days still at the least. Just as a thought it may be best to tell her that because of the circumstances you don't feel that it will be an option to leave your baby and be so far away to attend the wedding. It's not that you are trying to be mean yourself or that you don't want to be involved in a huge part of her life or don't care about her but you have to choose what is best for you and your baby. I was supposed to be in a wedding and after the other bridesmaids told the bride I didn't help out enough or attend enough of their get togethers I shouldn't be in the wedding.... So I said fine and it was hurtful but  apparently she felt the same way. And this was after I made all the wedding invites myself for her wedding and the ring bearer pillow and a few other things... And when she went to look for a dress I was out of the country and she wasn't even engaged yet... So I was hurt but it was what was best and sometimes you have to put yourself and your family above others. With all that being said i feel that an 18 month old is old enough to stay with someone overnight or 2 nights but not a 3 month old.. Hopefully that all makes sense and she can understand.

[ohthejoy]

Can one of baby's grandmas or a friend who isn't invited come along? They can look after baby, bring baby over for feeds throughout the day but not actually attend the wedding. Won't be a fun day for them, just depends how much the wedding means to you. I'm sure your friend can understand that breastfeeding is important and you can come to an arrangement.
I had an adults only wedding, but made it clear that breast feeding babies are welcome. I think most parents enjoyed the night out without chasing their toddlers and it didn't stop anyone from coming.

[asmith21488]

Can your husband or bf go with yku and watch the baby while youre there? Its not unreasonable to want adults only but it is go expect her to allow just your child and not anyone elses....

[abbb01]

Whats the adults only deal? Thats a good way to keep the budget low cuz not a whole lotta ppl would show up. It was maybe in the same town I would consider it but there's absolutely no way id leave my baby that young for so long n be so far away especially bf don't feel guilty

[muhshe]

Maybe take someone with you who can watch the baby while your doing wedding things. Its her wedding she deserves to be a little selfish. Don't be offended its a typical request.  If you dont end up going try and respect her decision and im sure she will respect yours.