FTM..AM I WRONG...

[AriesQT]

I'm 21+2 and will be a FTM to a baby boy. My husband and I live in a 2br apartment. He has three sons from a previous marriage. They stay with their mom. Because she is a jealous and bitter b i t c h, we only get the boys like once every other month, if that. It's always random or my husband has to practically beg. Our 2nd bedroom has two sets of bunkbeds for the boys. My question is, am I wrong for wanting to turn it into a nursery for our son who will be living here full-time? As he gets older, I wouldn't mind the bunkbeds and him sharing his room when my step kids come. I really want a nursery, but I don't want my husband to feel like I'm doing his boys "bad" by wanting to get rid of the bunks for now. He is OK with cramming a crib and stuff for our son in the boys' room.

[abbb01]

This is really getting to me sorry but because they are only allowed to visit every so often (none of the young kids fault) they are just visitors? Why not just put em up in a hotel? Adopted or fostered kids shouldn't feel loved or wanted wherever they sleep either? I just feel all kids need to feel loved and wanted and that they belong not grow up thinking they are a nuisance or inconvenience. They  are ur kids too u married into it and should u have the same situation when baby gets older lo needs to be able to get alomg with his BROTHERS. My husband has 4 step siblings and they are never thought of as step siblings just siblings. His step mom is a MOM to them all not just her biological kids. I had to get that out

[Ropretty]

Personal I wouldn't do it. Ur a first time mom so most likely u gon want the baby closer to you. My husband don't have any other kids but if he did they would have the same thing my kids have. I would devide the room and leave one bunk bed in there. If it can fit too now im sure there should be plenty of room. Just think if the shoe was on the other foot. Im sure u wouldn't want ur child sleeping on the sofa or floor if yall wasn't together.

[Due_April_30th]

This is a tough one! Seems like a majority of ppl are saying don't do it. After reading their statements n the reasoning why it is pretty compelling n I would gave to agree with them. Good luck!

[rara4]

Some ppl seem to think its okay for u to put ur child on the back burner to muake kids u rarely see feel comfortable. Its a bit like walking on egg shells to me. This is ur first u deserve to indulge in wat u would like. U can make the sleeping in the living room special for them. But the baby will b there full time n if the baby grows up feeling less than to its step brothers then there is really an issue there. It seems some women bow down and while trying to give their step kids all they can end up giving their own kids less

[brit333]

I think it's fine. I've thought about this a while and the thing is your baby will be there all the time!! where is he supposed to sleep?!? You can always bring the beds back in once he is in a bed. If the room doesn't allow for 2 sets of bunk beds and a crib then you gotta do what you gotta so. I liked the idea of making it look like it's a sleep over camping style! Especially now since you will see them even less it makes sense to change it into a nursery. It's not that you are saying they can't ever come over. I don't think it's rude or uncaring at all.

[GigiBella]

I think you should have a nursery if you want given the fact the kids are rarely there. If possible keep the bunk beds in the room. If not, get a sleeper sofa.  Or get blow up mattresses and some cute stuff that will make the kids feel like they are camping out. Do movie and popcorn. .make them feel special. Or  You can always just let them sleep in your bedro. Its all the way u handle it, but u shouldn't  feel guilty for wanting a nursery. .your not trying to be malicious.

[mamavl]

I don't think it's a good idea to turn there room into a nursery I know your intentions ain't bad and it's understandable as a ftm but I do think it's important to make them feel at home when they are round even if it is rare. If they always slept in the living room and didnt use the room then fair enough but because it was there room I don't tink it's a good idea I would suggest keep in the baby in your room in a crib or pack n play until the baby is able to sleep through the night then rearrange the room so they all can sleep there it would be easier for you that way anyway. Your partner should seek legal advise about seeing his kids because that's not right and no matter how far they go commitment to those kids is important.

[mckaylas_momma1018]

I don't think it would be fair to his other kids and I think they may harbor resentment... when I was younger my dad and stepmom did something similar and I hated my dad for allowing it and her for doing it... that resentment was harbored for YEARS and finally manifested into hatred when I was 16 when I lived with them. I left the house at 17. We have since repaired that relationship but that took years (8 years-- right before I had my daughter at 24)... personally I wouldn't do it... you can put all the kids stuff in 1 room and get a bassinet for your room since its not likely you will want to get up and go and get the baby in the other room (I certainly dont want to and I have a bassinet ready to go)...
my advice-- have him file for formal visitation.... there is no reason he doesn't get to see his kids every weekend or at least every other weekend and dont take away their beds-- they wont want to come at all

[jaaked]

Those children are NOT visitors.  Because face it if you & your husband get a divorce you wouldn't want your child to be thought of as a visitor in his home just because he has a new wife. If you insist on getting your child a nursey (which I see nothing wrong with) then you should be willing to compromise & get those boys appropriate sleeping quarters. A sofa is not that

[mege26]

My parents have been divorced since I was 3 and and I went to each house every other day. Finally at 14 I chose to live at my moms (I had a step sister there) between school, working part time and drinking... I didn't go to my dads much. I finally did once cuz it had been so long. And my room was gone. I understand it now but then I took it as that house was no longer my home and they didn't want me. So I distanced myself again. My stepmom told me how hurt my dad was that I never come. I told her I felt unwanted since my room was gone. Point is communication makes a huge difference. I would never consider a child/stepchild just a "visitor" its not easy growing up in 2 homes. Discuss it as a family b/c that's what you are.

[thehardwicks]

I agree with bama_mama. Touchy subject but they should feel as if they have a room at dads house too. They are not visitors.. they are his children too!

[Scuttles88]

I don't think you're wrong for wanting a nursery for your baby - it's your first for pete's sake. As a step child,  I never felt anger or resentment when I didn't have my own room. I was visiting my dad and I went back to my own room at my mom's house. It was no big deal for me.

[bunnykissy]

Bama mama, its simple those are his kids who visit once every other month if that. They are visitors,  just like when my stepdaughter stays a few weeks in the summer she is visiting. She does not live here. It is not rude or horrible it's the truth.

[uvamom2boys]

Honestly the nursery is more for you than baby.  Your baby won't care at all where he sleeps.  Maybe he could share with his siblings and when they are actually there, baby can sleep in your room in a pack and play or something so it doesn't wake them.  It's a tough situation but I can speak from experience that it's best not to make the other kids feel that the baby is taking their place.  

[giraffe1020]

From experience, taking away their beds can cause resentment. They need to feel comfortable and wanted when the visit. They should be fine sharing a room with the baby

[SamanthaGutierrez]

My room is small. We have a queen size bed with the bedroom set and a bunk bed , the bottom turns to a couch. Its crowded but i kno now we will all fit. I didnt want to get a crib when later bt soon we will have to get a bunk bed anyway.

[AriesQT]

My step kids are 5 and 6(twins). I wouldn't talk it over with them (as someone suggested). Because they are young boys, I figured they could sleep in the living room.  Right now they live about an hour away and we rarely get them. They are supposed to be moving about 3.5 hours away once school is out; I can only imagine when we would get them then. I just thought a nursery would be best. We shall see how it all goes. Thanks for the comments.

[bama_mama]

I cant believe any stepmom would call stepkids visitors and just that. How rude and horrible. When you marry someone with kids they are not just visitors to your home. They are yalls chikdren and thats their home as well. Omg stuff like this really upsets me seriously. Its upsetting me now to the point that im about to just let hormones take over and cry. Im sorry but i have said my thoughts and opinions on the matter and i hope the OP does the right thing in this situation, i cant comment on this subject anymore. Good luck and congrats on the new baby

[My2ndbaby]

Also, if you are very keen on the nursery,  then the best thing to do is to find a 3 bedroom house. God bless!

[My2ndbaby]

If you turn the room into a nursery, Where will the other kids sleep if they come to visit? I have two stepdaughters and we did not turn their bedroom into my son's nursery. He slept in a crib in our bedroom. Now that I'm pregnant again,  we are planning to turn divide their bedroom into two- one for my son and one for my daughter. But the only reason we are doing this is coz they don't come to visit as much as before. They are 14yrs and have boyfriends and would rather hang out with their friends. But whenever they visit,  they sleep in the main bedroom and my hubby moves to the little room downstairs while I sleep in my son's room. In my opinion, I think you shouldn't insist on having a nursery. Please do the right thing. The baby can sleep in your room.( I think its even better for baby to sleep with you in the same room.)The boy's mom may not allow them to visit often, but they need their daddy and it's nice for them to feel they have a place where they are welcome at daddy's home. God bless

[abbb01]

Ur not wrong at all for wanting to give ur baby a nursery especially when obviously baby will be there full time but it may make ur step kids feel "tossed aside" maybe talk to the kids first see how they feel about it. Yeah they are only there occasionally but still need to feel like they are part of the family and wanted around when their mom isnt being a b i t c h. I cant really suggest anything since no way to know floor plans but I just thought id throw in a possible problem if the step kids get moved

[bunnykissy]

Actually I am a step mom too and those children are just that visitors. They do not live there full time. Thats why its called visitation. There is nothing wrong with those boys camping out in the living room if you all can not afford a bigger place.

[thenewmrs_b]

I think the only issue with putting the baby in with the older kids is that how difficult would it be if the baby woke up in the night and depending in their ages be up for awhile. If $$ allows I would look into a 3 bedroom

[bama_mama]

Idk ima stepmom and to me they are just as much my children and a part of our family as my bio children. I understand that as a first time mom you want to be able to have the full nursery and the traditional everything but the fact is that unfortantly at times us second wives and stepmoms have to remember that its just not like that, we arent our husband firsy marriage or first time being pregnant with a woman and etc. And bc of that bc you do live in a small apartment your baby will just have to share a room with his siblings. Its not fair for their beds to be took down and away just bc their mom alienates them from you guys. Its akready hard enough on the kids bc they dont get to see their dad as much as they would like but if you take their room and beds from them they will feel like strangers or visitors and they arent, they are your children now as well and thats also their home. And i wouldnt blame your husband for being extremely upset with you for that, imagine if you had three other children who wasnt able to come see you but once a month and this was baby was your husbands first biological child and he told you sorry your kids dont live here full time so im taking their beds down and they can sleep on couches abd sleeping bags, im turning their room into a nursery for my baby bc shes lives here full time...you would be upset and hurt and feel like your other children just wasnt welcome.

Im not trying to be ugly or rude but its not fair to the kids. I say try and figure a way to put the nurswry in their room and decorate a corner for him. When you move and have more rooms then he can have his own room but no they arent visitors and you cant just take their beds down and take their room from ghem plus if bio mom finds out its just more ammo and she will be like well if they dont have a room or beds to sleep on they just wont come over period. Trust me mt husbands ex is like that and she would say that same thing which im sure your stepkids mom would