MIL at birth of my baby

[becca13nov]

i had a beautiful baby girl five weeks ago. She was born naturally (and was my first baby) and the birth was as straight forward as they get, except that my mother in law came into the delivery room while I was just about to start pushing. She didn't ask me or my husband for permission to be present. She didn't even knock before entering the room. My midwife said she was very shocked when MIL walked in but no one said anything to get her to leave. I was in no state to think clearly enough to tell her to get lost. I barely even want to be around her now, and grind my teeth when she holds my baby. I hate knowing she was there during a really personal experience. Am I overreacting? I think she really crossed the line on this one.

[soon2bmadreof3]

I would have felt the same way! Then again, was staff aware of the people that were able to be in the room? The hospital I will be delivering is more of a laid back hospital with 5 delivery rooms. People can go in as they please vs. the hospital 20 mins away. That hospital has more than 20 rooms and is a a lot bigger with more rules. I plan on not having anyone in the room with me this time. I definitely plan on telling the staff and the rest of my family. If people don't like it, they can kick rocks! It's my baby my vag! If they plan on hanging out then they can all contribute to my deductible lol

[Eevee_moon]

That's awesome how you feel about your mil.. And I totally understand the hospital thing. Maybe they can visit you the day after so you can bond first

[gmbrutto]

Everyone has a different feelings about family. To me my MIL is no different than my mother. She is welcome in the birth. The people not welcome to me are the friends and distant family of my husband who claim to be equal to close family.  My husband has a distant nephew who keeps reminding him that he is family. His nephew and his wife are the only family that live close to us from my husband family. The rest live in morocco. The nephew wife keeps dropping hints and intention to be at the birth. I told my husband they will absolutely not be present. I told my husband I want no visitors at the hospital but he said he cannot tell people not to come.  In his culture if you go to the hospital everyone must visit you because your sick.  Giving birth to him is equal to being sick. I'm not looking forward to sharing my first moments with people I have seen only once or twice.

[Eevee_moon]

I would be mad but you our your husband should of said something.. you can't stay mad for ever.. my mil wanted to be there with my first I said no to get acc then told my husband if she showed up it was his job to get her out. Because he wouldn't like the way I would tell her.. your midwife should of known your notebooks too they usually ask who will be in the room.. so someone spells of said something.. the nurses have always asked me if everyone is ok who is in there

[BLESSEDwith5tobe]

Not be walking in on you I meant

[BLESSEDwith5tobe]

I don't think you are overreacting at all! I do however think that you will feel much better if you address it to her! Trust me if that were me I would have made her leave!!! My mil came to the hospital with our first baby...she was only in the room while I was being induced! If she would have stayed through my whole labor process I would have screamed!!! But I told her that I would rather no one came until after the baby was already born and I was in a more comfortable room....I had 3 babies after and pregnant again now....there were no hard feelings and she now waits until after the labor part!! So you definitely have the right to feel the way you do but you should talk to her if she don't like what you have to say then oh well its your baby .....and she should most definitely be walking in on you breast feeding....Smh that is your time to bond with the baby!!! But good luck to you hop everything works out for you! And congratulations on the new baby!!,,

[BLESSEDwith5tobe]

I don't think you are overreacting at all! I do however think that you will feel much better if you address it to her! Trust me if that were me I would have made her leave!!! My mil came to the hospital with our first baby...she was only in the room while I was being induced! If she would have stayed through my whole labor process I would have screamed!!! But I told her that I would rather no one came until after the baby was already born and I was in a more comfortable room....I had 3 babies after and pregnant again now....there were no hard feelings and she now waits until after the labor part!! So you definitely have the right to feel the way you do but you should talk to her if she don't like what you have to say then oh well its your baby .....and she should most definitely be walking in on you breast feeding....Smh that is your time to bond with the baby!!! But good luck to you hop everything works out for you! And congratulations on the new baby!!,,

[specialmom]

I'm for a peaceful life and people getting along.  Holding onto anger takes a lot more energy than forgiving.  She may have been too excited to contain herself.  You can look at it like it is kind of funny that she got so carried away that she left work and barged in or you can just be angry and see her as evil for crossing the line.  It's a choice.  

I think it is appropriate to tell her that you really wanted it to be just you and husband and that was a private moment---  and when/if there is a next time, please do not assume that it is okay and to ask first.  Then it is over and She KNOWS and the poster doesn't have to sit and stew and be angry for a long time over this and not want her MIL to hold the baby and things like that that she mentioned.  Life is short.  This is a HAPPY time.  Why hold onto anger?  It's not healthy.  

I didn't have my MIL in the room when I delivered.  I am not saying she should have been there or had a right to be there----  but to be so furious after it after the fact is overreacting to me.  

My mother in law told me when I was all jacked up on my pregnancy hormones after we called and told her we had a boy and his name that it should have been a girl and she didn't like the name.  I cried.  I could have been miffed but whatever.  She says stupid things.  She gave me the gift of my husband and it's not worth being upset about these kinds of things AFTER they've already happened.  I let go of anger because it really does take all of your energy from positive things.  luck to all and just giving a different perspective to think about.  Not having to be right but just food for thought.  

[kate042015]

I do not get along with my MIL at all. She made it clear she didn't want us to get married and threw a huge fit at the reception because hubby invited his bio dad. She treats me like crap and obviously puts my children at the bottom of all her grandkids. She came during my last labor to take my daughter for a few days..we had no one else to watch her and we regret asking her. She left her then 10 year old in charge of a two year old. Smh. She kept commenting on my swollen feet. I was on pitocin which can cause you retain fluid. It was awkward and uncomfortable with her there. I 100% understand how you feel. I would've flipped out if she came in while I was pushing.

[AprilBabe26]

I'm sorry that happened to you & although I agree that holding on to anger isn't healthy, I really can't agree with just embracing her over stepping the boundaries! Come on! Do we not have any say in how we live our lives with our new babies? I would be terribly uncomfortable with my mil in the same room as I'm delivering & breastfeeding-thats MY special time with MY child. Some people don't understand the relationship boundaries here-every person is different & its great for those who have good relationships with their mils but I will stand my ground as to what I'm comfortable with & what I'm not. Its not selfish to want some privacy!! If you keep letting her run over your boundaries, it will only lead to more resentment. Good luck, there are so many of us in the same boat!

[RockRose]

Did she know you specifically didn't want her there?  Your midwife didn't seem to know,  or any of the hospital staff because they act QUICK if they're told ahead of time,  or in the moment (I know you were incapacitated at the moment and couldn't really handle it).  

Was your mom there,  and so the staff (and maybe your MIL) thought she was welcome to?

[specialmom]

Oh, and just wanted to say that I understand being irritated by it and again, wasn't right for her to make that leap and let herself in . . .   but I wouldn't hold it against her or continue being angry.  It's not worth it.  good luck

[specialmom]

I think you are overreacting.  While she shouldn't have done it---  it's over now.  She is happy about her grandbaby and THAT is a blessing.  Rather than resist her attempts to be close to your family, I'd embrace it.  Next time you can set the boundary ahead of time.  Again, she shouldn't have come in but she wants to be part of things.  She's excited about being a grandma and I personally think that is a nice thing in a MIL.  So, choose not to hold onto anger and move forward in a loving way.  You'll be much happier in the long run (and so will your partner and baby). good luck

[wayfunmommy]

You are not over reacting. I'd be sure to make it know to her exactly how you feel. That was not right of her to assume she was welcome.

[SeabeesWife2013]

You're not over reacting she should have at least asked permission first- did you have the conversation beforehand about who you want in the room when it happened? It's a good conversation to have with family so they know if you want people there or not. Even still, bad taste on her part to just barge in on you.

[becca13nov]

She works at the same workplace as my husband so she found out I was in labour when he got the call to get home from work and take me to hospital. I asked my mum to be with me while I gave birth so I think MIL thought she would be missing out if she wasn't there too. I was shocked too that someone random can walk through the maternity ward of the hospital and march into someone's room. I'm in New Zealand so maybe the rules are more relaxed about that stuff over here. ... Next time I will make sure only my husband knows about labour starting.
I took your advice to talk to him about it. He says he feels guilty for her behaviour. Not that it is his fault.
And furby85 I get where you're coming from. My MIL also took the liberty of grabbing my legs while I was pushing. Now she thinks she can walk in on me while I breastfeed too. No privacy or respect for me anymore. She was totally normal before the pregnancy. I thought I was being kind to her by keeping her in the loop about all things pregnancy related, she even attended a scan that I asked her to be at-next time I won't bother sharing. Be careful who you share your personal stuff with!

[wyattsmom2015]

I would be very mad, and how did she get in?

[sabrinaallen]

Also how did she even get in labor and delivery? Every hospital I've birthed at had that unit on lock down you needed to be on a approved list or have the significant other bracelet to be buzzed in. And even afyer that in recovery the staff would still speak to you if they were allowed to.visit you.

[chisaac]

I'd be mad as hell and probably pop her in the nose. lol May we aer some violent woman lol. But thanks for sharing what this is teaching me is to not tell anyone i'm in labor. Just go to the hospital and have the baby and call them after.

[sabrinaallen]

I think you need to talk to your husband about what happen and make sure he's on bord or at least knows how you feel. The next part is for both of you to sit down and let your mil know how you feel and that you want her to respect the personal time you and your husband want with the baby. It is you and your husband's time to be parents your mil has already enjoyed that experience it's time for her to take a back seat.

[princesscoming0115]

Wow so disrespectful eww whats wrong with her. Your so not in the wrong sweetie and ur very nice bcuz i would have yelled get out while pushing and said it was bcuz of the pain haha

[mrskenny87]

Wow! I think I would have flipped if she had even dared to come to the hospital while I was in labour let alone actually be brash enough to just enter the room! How did your hubby react? Has she mentioned anything about it since, don't forget that as much as other people always want to be around a new baby it's important that if it's too much you have the right to ask them to go home!

[squirule]

ur def not over reacting its a very personal time i hope ur ok xx

[Furby85]

I wpuld be pissed too. My MIL treated me like garbage right before having my son a few years back. Then had nerve to not only come in the room while I was delivering, but to also try and call one of her family members to come take my moms spot. Granted my mom was on her way but lived a little further awzy than she did. I wasnt aware at tge time, otherwise I probably would have popped her in the nose! To top it off while I was pushing she came over and grabbed my right leg and tried to coach my pushing and breathing while all up in my lady business. I still can't stand the winch honestly. So no I don't think you're being ridiculous. I don't think I know too many womem who actually like their MIL honestly lol!