Please Read. I Need Advice!

[kareng8]

So.... my husband's parents are hoarders and I've never been to their house but our daughter has. She's 3 years old. We have a little boy on the way and I just don't know if I want my kids going over there especially if I'm not allowed to.. Idk how bad the situation is and I know my husband is embarrassed. I've never talked to my in laws about it. They make me uncomfortable as is. I have been distant from them for the last couple months. They haven't seen us in a couple months... I've been with my husband for 5 years and I've never been over there. I hate that I can't just stop by and say hi. Holidays are either at my house or my sister in law's. Bbqs are usually at his sister's. Or we go out to dinner or breakfast with them. The last time I spoke to my mil we got in a fight and I just don't feel the same towards her now. I just feel like I can't have a relationship with them. They're so closed off. The holidays are coming up and the birth of our son and I just don't know what to do. They want to go out to breakfast tomorrow but idk if I want to. The last time I saw them was 2 months ago.... Idk if it's my hormones or what. I just feel like their hoarding is the main reason why I can't get close.... like it's a problem that's never talked about aand bd just swept under the rug. I just want my husband to be happy and for him to understand that I'm hurt that I'm not allowed at their house. When we do go over there to go pick something up or something I have to wait in the car and they see me waiting outside...isn't that weird... Idk I'm just ready to give birth so these hormones get leveled. Lol what you mommies think I should do...?????

[JessHall8783]

Why aren't you able to go over there??

[kareng8]

Because they're embarrassed of their hoarding...

[Mykhaelesbump]

Hoarding is a problem they have not you. It makes hoarders keep ppl at a distance. I wouldn't take it too personal. Most ppl in any problem still need ppl around that care.

[kareng8]

Yeah I understand that... but do I continue to let my kids go over there even though I'm not allowed to?

[p_cakesss]

I would want to knw the extent of their hoarding.  Is it extreme like what they show on tv? It could be unsafe for your kids.

[kate042015]

I wouldn't let my kids be in a situation like that. It's dangerous. Who knows what they would get into or find in the piles of stuff. My in laws are borderline hoarders and I'm not ok with my kids over at their house without me or my husband. The one exception was when I went in to labor early with my son and needed them to watch my daughter

[king_brian_smith]

I wouldn't let my children go over not because you are being mean, but because of safety reasons. I would deprive them of seeing the children maybe set up a time when they can stop by and see them. But I definitely wouldn't let them be in that type of situation not only for safety reasons, but health wise aswell...

[kareng8]

Yes I don't want them to go over there. I sometimes let my daughter go over there but only of her daddy takes her. But when I was working they would pick her up from daycare when we couldn't and I would have to go pick her up. It does bother me that idk what the extent it is in. But I also don't want my kids to see what they're seeing and think it's okay. My husband's cousins say it's pretty bad.. I'm not trying to be mean or judgemental at all I just feel like it's not fair. If I can't go over there then neither can my kids.

[p_cakesss]

If the cousin says it bad...then believe it. I would stop my kids from going for safety concerns.  Talk to your husband.

[king_brian_smith]

I agree I would talk to your hubby.

[kareng8]

Yeah I have talked to him and I think it makes him uncomfortable. He moved out when he was 16 because he was embarrassed of his friends seeing it. It makes me sad for him really. But at least he's clean. :) I just don't want to hurt his feelings... or him think that I'm being judgemental. He usually just says that he's sorry.

[p_cakesss]

I think he would understand.  Just be sure to express how you're not judging anyone,  but you're concerned about your kids safety.

[kareng8]

But our kids are obviously safe if my hubby takes our daughter with him..I don't want him to think I'm judging his parenting... So many feelings play into the whole situation. I just wish it wasn't like this.

[mfayb]

I wouldn't be so sure your kids are safe. There a different types of hoarders. It could be alot of simple junk or it can be dirty decomposition of food and animals.  How can you be sure? I would put my foot down and say simple.  If you child are to be allowed over then I need to see the home for myself.  End of story.  

[p_cakesss]

I agree. And those are your husband's parents...so he's just thinking about his parents and his daughter's relationship. And...he grew up with the hoarding,  although he was embarrassed about it growing up, he obviously dsnt view it as unsafe...he's not looking at the situation through neutral eyes. He was raised in it and those are his parents. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say l.

[kareng8]

Yes I do. Thank you everyone.

[lilpianogirl85]

If it were me I would not let my children over there if I wasn't allowed. It's simple as that, it's fine if they are embarrassed or what not about it but if it's a problem for me to be there than its a problem for my kids. But don't deprive them, if they want to go to breakfast than go to breakfast. And if they need help offer to help them (of course not while your pregnant). And make sure you sit your husband down and talk to him so he is on the same page or he at least respects your decision.

[kareng8]

Thank you.