Pregnancy: Ages 25-34 Community
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Avatar universal

Shame in Being Single

It is such an emotional rollercoaster for me, it is unbearable some days. Dealing with the joys of pregnancy, and the heartache of a break up is so twisted. I know I shouldn't feel ashamed that he left me. But I feel so embarrased, and like I could be the next person featured on The Jerry Springer Show. "Boy Leaves Girl Pregnant and Shacks Up With Ex"
I cry when I see friends or coworkers and they ask how I am. I find it really hard to say this is such a happy time, when I am also so sad. Some days I am okay. Some days I cry my eyes out. Some days I can't help but feel shame. I think people must wonder if I have some dirty little secret or am a terrible person behind closed doors for him to have left me during such a beautiful time.
I know that I will get through this. I know that a little amazing girl is the beautiful ending to a love lost with him, and should be comforted in that. And I am, for the most
11 Responses
Avatar universal
...part. But I hate that I can't shake this feeling of shame in being single. :(

(pressed post before I was done, sorry)
3605625 tn?1385017548
You shouldn't feel shame, he should!!! Imagine him having to tell people he left his pregnant girlfriend to be back with his ex! What a coward, you hold your head high, you're going to be a great mother and have a beautiful baby girl, yes its hard work, and even harder when you don't have a partner to help, which gives you even more reason to feel so proud of yourself. And even though i know its hard to comprehend right now, time does heal all wounds.
Avatar universal
I went thru a very similar situation with my daughter. He left when i was 4 months along for some one else. I hated feeling all alone at a time where i felt i should have a partner. Someone to pick names out with, go to drs appointments and share it all with. After she was born I was more focusedon trying to make him be a part of our lives than i was her. At some point it does get easier i promise. My daughter is now ten and she and i are incredibly close. As rough as it started, it's great now. I will think happy thoughts for you every day. How far along are you? Have you picked out a name?
Avatar universal
Hun, I feel the same way. It happens some times, but I guess just as I've been told about being newly single and pregnant (baby on the way any day now), would you rather find out he was done with this now, or later when he's been around the baby maybe a year or two and the child has gotten an attachment to him? It's better this way, although it may not be easy, I know the hormones and emotional rollercoaster of pregnancy doesn't help when you're going through something so horrible as a break up with someone you may have believed you'd be spending your life with, but it truly is for the best that it happened sooner or later. It will be rough for a while, as all things usually are when they truly mattered to you, but you can do it. Don't look down on yourself for it. It's not your fault, and it doesn't and shouldn't make you a bad person or a lowly person that you're single and pregnant. The one who should be ashamed is the man who walked away, nobody who could walk away from the woman carrying their unborn child is truly a man. You'd think society would look a little less fondly on the man rather than the woman. Just keep in mind that the baby is going to take up all your time and effort, and you'll realize you've got this all on your own. I understand what you're going through though and if you ever need someone to talk to, just message me.
Avatar universal
Thanks very much for the supportive words ladies. <3
I am almost 33 weeks, and having a girl, Kayla. Kayla Elise. <3 In the morning I will be attending my baby shower so I am sure it will be a very happy day. (as long as noone asks about him oO) Im scared some of my extended relatives who don't know that we have broken up yet, will ask how he is etc. My best friend says to just deflect. I have been asking my mom to just let everyone know. I don't want a pity party from them, but with the horomones and an already sensitive issue, I dont want to be the girl who cries at her party. :S
Anyway, thanks so much.
Avatar universal
Hun , I completely understand. I'm 30 weeks and my baby's father left when he found out I was pregnant. I mean left the state lol I found out Feb 14 and he was in another state by the start of March. Come to find out he was married and had lied to me. He went back to his wife and their kids and here I am 2,000 miles away pregnant and completely alone. It was a very rough time for me. I was very bitter and tended to be sarcastic or snippy to a lot of people. Then one day inthe end of AApril I posted a blog entry, very sarcastic, very bitter wondering what happened to real men. The strangest thing happened, I got a reply from a guy who saw through my pain and bitterness. We started talking and have been inseparable ever since. People see us and he claims my baby boy as his even though he didn't father him. Keep you head up and know that everything happens for a reason and that you will come through this much stronger. I believe there is someone out there for everyone and it takes a special man to be able to embrace a woman who is having another's child but they are out there. I wish you all the best and if you need to talk message me and I will at least listen and try to help. Hang in there hun  and enjoy your baby shower :)
Avatar universal
**** happens!!!! Your havin a lil baby :)
5806286 tn?1375050370
I know how you feel. I know what the baby's daddy's friends are saying. I know what my family is saying. Sometimes I just sit and cry by myself on my couch with my doggies. No one seems to understand the weight of words. No one seems to understand that maybe I wasn't planning this baby
Avatar universal
Its rough but u will get through it :) I had the same with my oldest son(he's now 12!) I was 17 pregnant my mum wouldt talk to me I lived in a hostal & the dad just did not want to no us :( but once my son was born I got a place of my own
&, my mum came round to being a nanny! It was hard doing everything alone, but I did it! I raised him alone for 7 years until I met my now husband & we have a another son who is 4 & have a baby on the way :) also my oldest son's dad got in contact with my son 2 years ago & they now talk on a regular basis :) every thing will work out in the end ull c :) have a great babyshower & just tthink soon u will have ur little girl in ur arms x
Avatar universal
Hiya im goin thru the same thing at minute im currently 18 wks pregnant and going to find out the sex of the baby on the 19th august the father says its not his but its hard to get over cos i have to c him every wkend as i already have a 7 yr old with him hes cums t c r daughter but doesnt mention the baby at all ive tried talking to him about it but hes not interested he hasent been to any appointments or the scans or even asked how everythings goin!! It will get easier eventually for both of us hun your not on your own if you need to talk im here aswell xx
Avatar universal
Hey hold your head up high and enjoy your bump.

I was stuck feeling ashamed of being single, preg plus mum to 4 girls. I hid my bump until I could hide it no more. I didn't tell my kids for ages. The dad wasn't interested yet I walked past him every day.

I felt like crap. All the horrible symptoms lingered. I wasn't enjoying my bump.

I decided to share my secret little by little and I noticed I started to feel better in myself. I even started buying a few bits after my scans. The dad continued to ignore me, ppl judged and talked but to my suprise, many ppl supported me. They followed my pregnancy, watched Gummy grow and lifted my mood.

3 weeks ago on this very day, during this very hour, I went into a fast labor. At 11.01 am (gmt) I gave birth to my first son, 9lb 10oz of testosterone lol !!! The dad missed out on that too... But I've got loads of precious memories, the kicks, the hiccups, the reactions to music, baths and so on. The first skin contact, the cord cutting, etc... The dad has none of this by his own choice.

Switch your mind over to bump, focus soley on that. Sod the ex, baby is your number 1, enjoy the irreplaceable moments you both share on this journey. It kept me sane, it over shadowed the shame, although I do feel a bit of it still.

You can do this, your a good mum x x
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