in laws...mad vent

[alicesaidwhat]

Cue the anxiety! My in laws, whom I have never met before, are here visiting to help with their newest grandchild (who is 3 days late).

They're supposedly here to help with the housework and what not, but in actuality they have me feeling like I'm going to explode. I am so uncomfortable in my own house...
I'm 3 days past due and I don't want to wear a bra OR pants at this point. But they're in my home...lurking. Feeding me their vegan, organic, gluten free health crap as I die slowly from allergies and chest congestion...

I always heard stories about how women clash with their in laws but this is ridiculous. Not only are they telling me to be more American in culture (.. I'm born in America...but I'm Korean American. Don't take my cultural identity away from me or my baby!) But they're also...kind of racist. The mom is exceptionally racist and has used the N word several times in my presence. I don't know how to handle this. I HATE my mother in law at this point. I've never experienced anything like this before and my husband was so mortified when she talked to me in an "asian accent" as a joke.
Mind you I speak FLUENT english, better than most people actually. Another time, the dad made a joke while watching Chinese kung fu movies. He told me to close my eyes and tell him what they were saying.... I'm korean...not Chinese. Our cultures and LANGUAGE are different.
My husband doesn't really know what to do or say to them, and I get that theyre "not being serious" but I am NOT comfortable around racists. A racist comment, even though it was meant as a joke, is still racist. You're just fueling the fire! There's no room for that kind of **** in this house. Ever since then, I've tried to ignore her and stay out of her way.

I feel like my poor daughter is late because of all this extra stress. Not to mention my insane MIL has shoved all of my korean decor from the baby's room into the closet!! I found sewing needles pushed into the blanket my mom bought from Korea for my daughter! I feel SO disrespected.

WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?! I want them OUT OUT OUT but I can't put my husband in that position since he hasn't seen them for 2 years. I've already talked to him  about it. I had a total melt down and told him everything. He said he's fine with telling them to stay at a hotel for a few days but I just feel so bad about that too! I just can't win..

[alicesaidwhat]

Thank you ladies for the support! I told my husband today on our walk that if I don't go into labor tonight, I want everyone out until I'm seen at the hospital on monday for my stress test. All of my friends are telling me that I need to relax. I'm like..how do you relax with a RACIST in the house trying to white wash you every day? She won't eat my cooking, she throws my stuff into the closet (which I brought back out last night after I threw one of her dolls around in a fit lol). I'm trying to create a balance of both asian and Caucasian in that room and she's just...barfing it up all over. She thinks that by incorporating a Chinese lantern, it's enough.
...I'm korean
......the Chinese lantern is kind of tacky

And YES to who ever said the thing about the needle in the blanket! I was so pissed when I found it! How can you just carelessly leave a needle that's as long as my pinky finger IN A BABY BLANKET! What if I didn't look and I wrapped my daughter in it? Omg I'd kill that woman.

I like the idea of having a scheduled time to see the baby for ALL parents. I definitely want alone time with her and my husband so we can bond as a family. That's another reason why I'm so stressed. I feel like my MIL is going to steal the experience of being a mother from me by telling me what to do. And because she's just SO OVERBEARING, I'm worried she's going to make my mom feel left out :(.

This was an AWFUL idea to have them visit for a whole month as their first ever visit...while I'm pregnant and due to give birth.

[susamor]

It gets worse when your baby is actually born and they interfere with your decisions as a mom. I say definitely have them sleep at a hotel you guys pay for and establish a set of hours each day they will come over to help and write down the list of chores you will need help with. You don't want to look back at the first days of your newborn with hatred and resentments. Keep them out of the house though because that way the madness will end each day and you will have your privacy.

[kate042015]

Ok I thought I had horrible in laws but girl, yours takes first place. It's your home..not theirs. They are the guests and must abide by your rules. Take your decorations out of the closet and put them back where they belong. But I can't seem to get my head around the sewing needles...what the heck?? I'd confront your mil over that..raise hell if you have to. What if you hadn't seen the needles before wrapping your baby in that blanket? How horrible that she is willing to harm her grandchild. Do not back down

[Giuvi81]

Oh my...i can't.imagine how hard it is! if.it helps,i am putting my own parents in a hotel nearby to protect the relationships...it is not mean, it is human.

[vrod1016]

It's your house,  put your foot down.  Even if u feel u need to day it in the most polite way but stand your ground your ground

[tmeranda]

I'm sorry your dealing with this, but it's time your husband needs to send them to a hotel. You don't need this stress and it's your house, I would have to say something. A simple " I'm sorry but that kind of language is unacceptable and not allowed in this house. " they have a hard lesson in life coming to them as they are about to have a multicultural grandchild, life does that when we really need to open out eyes and heart. Bring your stuff  out of the closet. If your husband hasn't seen them in two years then there is a valid reason. Don't be afraid to stand up for yourself you will never get this time back and standing up now will show them in the future not to push you around. Good luck honey.

[kitcat2015]

I'm in a similar situation.  I'm Vietnamese and my in-laws are Caucasian.  They don't realize how rascist they are being because it's the norm for them.  They think it's all fun and games but it's not.  You are in your right to say something to them, but take the mature approach about it (make them feel embarrassed about their behavior because you showed that you're the better person).  

My MIL told people that I was "So into my Asian culture" and commented that I would get along great with her uncle's wife because she's also Vietnamese.  Well, my MIL being into football, camping and making hippie costume jewelry, I'd say she's "SO into her American/country culture" too.  And I'm sure she'd get along with people I'm friends with because they're Caucasian just like her....

They really don't get it because they probably got all their knowledge from TV and stereotypes.  I've taken pleasure in pointing things out to my MIL by being passive aggressive.  The look on her face is priceless when she gets it or gets defensive.

[keaanddan03]

Omg!!! This is by far the worst mil story I have heard. Im so incredibly sorry for you to have to deal with this when you are over due! How disrespectful!!! Your husband needs to rent them a hotel room asap. Putting your beautiful Korean decor in the closet??? Are you kidding me??? They sound very uneducated! They need to leave asap!

[erin_loren]

Good thing your husband isn't against asking them to stay at a hotel. Besides the fact that your in laws are terrible, them coming at this time was a bad idea. At the end of pregnancy and right after the baby is born is a horrible time to have to entertain people you don't know. Your need  to feel comfortable in your home not on pins and needles. Don't feel bad. :) Good luck!  

[Cori2]

You are better than me dealing with racist mil or not you would be out the door

[AliMichele]

Get them out now!!! Youre already 3 days late and the extra stress isn't needed. Plus the racism rubs me the wrong way as well. You need a stress free environment. Its about you and the baby. The in laws won't be there majority of the time after your daughter is born. Be comfortable bc once she' s here its no more sleep. Good luck

[lucyalexis]

Jeez, you poor thing! I'd say that I would take your husband up on the offer to ask them to stay at a hotel. You could use the excuse of wanting to nest and enjoy time with you a hubby before your baby arrives. I think the fact you havent met your inlaws before and your husband hasn't seen them for two years speaks volumes,  he's probably embarrassed by them. As for them being racist that is unforgivable and disrespecting your mums kind gift is horrible. Stay strong hun, they will be gone soon xxxx

[Babyx3]

If I was your baby I wouldn't come out either. If he's ok with them leaving let them go. Not to sound mean but they don't respect you anyway so at that point who cares if they like you. At least you can have some peace before you have your baby. One more thing and I would blow up.