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Pregnancy: Ages 25-34 Community
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Avatar universal

not sexy :-(

So my husband is in the military and just came back from a course abroad after 3 months. I am now 32 weeks pregnant and he is freaked out by the belly, he doesn't want to have sex anymore and hardly ever touches me or cuddles up to me. I feel so unsexy and really don't like how the pregnancy changed our relationship. Also everyone keeps telling me how the baby changes the relationship even more and obviously there's no sex after giving birth either. Guess I'm just looking for some positive relationship stories. How did the baby influence your relationship and love life?
27 Responses
Avatar universal
He's not a very good husband then?. How rude of him. You must speak about this with him
Avatar universal
Yeah I tend to agree, my husband is away for 4 weeks at a time then home for one, so my belly would be much bigger each time he was home, he doesn't treat me any different and always tells me I look amazing even know I feel huge and gross and sex is not an issue for us, it's always been the same before, during and after children and that is awesome! Time to have a chat to hubby, I'm sure you will still make him feel sex when he is fat bald and grey, he needs to stick by you when your not at your best too!
Avatar universal
Yeah we've talked already, he just says he doesn't want to have sex because he doesn't want to hurt me or baby. He also tells me I'm sexy and beautiful but I just find it hard to believe when he can't sleep with me. Hope he'll be back to normal once baby is here.
Avatar universal
Shoot just take him with you to your dr appointment and have them tell him itll be ok I had to do that with my bf I was fed up lolgl girlie
Avatar universal
I'm going to give you a positive story as that is what you asked for.

My husband and I have been together 8 years but only got married last July. when we found out we were expecting in August, he became the most wonderful, kind caring man a women could ever want. He not only has been involved with doctor appointments but he had taken over almost all the cooking and cleaning so I don't strain myself... He snuggles and touches the baby,as well as can still preform in bed. We have always been best friends but the baby has brought us even closer together.
Avatar universal
Thank you Naki123 for actually answering my question :-) I think I made him sound way worse than he is. He is also caring and excited about baby and he cooks and cleans as often as possible. I think he is trying to stay away from me so he doesn't get horny lol
11513017 tn?1425723993
^ lol thanks for bragging and not helping with the situation in question at all.
Girl, you need to tell him what you want! My hubby always says "just tell me what you want me to do and I'll do it! Men can't read minds regardless of what you do and how mad you get!" It's true, if he loves you he will try his hardest to change what he's doing / not doing, don't expect him to know how you feel. With all these pregnancy hormones I don't even know how I'm feeling, it changes so often. Communication is key in any relationship, you think communicating is hard now wait until the baby comes. It's best to build the strongest and best relationship now.
Avatar universal
Three month of not seeing you especially towards the end of the pregnancy makes a huge difference in how much you have grown. And it's actually quite common for men to be scared to hurt the baby. Talk to him but also give him time. My husband felt uneasy with our first as well.  We are pregnant with number three now and no issues at all. He just had to get used to it and change his mindset that he would hurt the baby.
Avatar universal
My husband is away alot and when he comes home he will always talk about how much bigger I am. I'm 36 weeks and to be honest sex isn't that good for me now but my husband enjoys it. Try maybe playing around and see what happens. Most men are scared of hurting the baby. Talk with your dr about it when your husband is there. Good luck
Avatar universal
Some men have a good understanding of pregnant women before they experience it and some don't. Unfortunately not understanding something usually equals fear of it. I agree taking him to the Dr with you while he's home and getting him more involved could potentially help. This is my third but dh's first and unlike my ex he was instant dad doing everything from telling me how beautiful I look constantly to making me quit my job so I could get enough rest but he also grew up in a very large family and was around pregnant women all his life unlike my ex. I would just try to reassure him that he's not going to hurt the baby, try to get him more involved, and continue to tell him what bothers you, he can only fix what he knows is wrong. Also the baby being here while deff change things but most of the time it's not for the worse it's just different. He may be better with that because he can actually help, he can't help carry our grow the baby so he may also be feeling a little confused about what to do? Idk just suggestions I suppose. Hope things work out for the best.
Avatar universal
My husband is actually turned on by the fact that I am getting bigger due to our little blessing inside me.  He's gone for weeks at a time working but He always makes me feel sexy.  
Avatar universal
I just gave him a ** and told him that it was normal to have sex while pregnant and thats when i stopped and he was so horny we had sex lol now hes comfortable
Avatar universal
I think some men are just scared of it for some reason. My husband and I had sex regularly until I started getting really big. He felt Tue baby move while we were in the act and it weirder him out. He assures me that it is all in his head. I believe him. But he is very attentive and makes sure he rubs my belly and talks to her. Your husband didn't get to we you gradually grow either, so it may be different for him since he was gone while you were going through the biggest changes. Y'all will be okay. Just keep communicating and don't shut each other out:) its a journey!
Avatar universal
I don't think it's fair to say he isn't a good husband! It's so different for men!  They don't feel sick and feel the baby growing in their bellies, they don't feel the tumbles and kicks... There's automatically a distance there, and to not even be there to get used to your growing belly must be hard and it makes sense that it would be alarming. Think of how crazy you would feel if you woke up one morning and had a big belly out of nowhere, it would be shocking. My husband is a great one, and is going to make an awesome dad, but until last week (36 weeks) he thought it was really weird to see my belly moving. He didn't ever get close and talk to the babies through my belly, but sometimes he would talk like he was talking to them. He never touched my belly without me grabbing his hand to catch a kick or to feel hiccups. And we haven't had sex in a long time.  When we talked about it he told me it made him a  little uncomfortable.  He knew he wouldn't hurt the babies, but it felt awkward to him to be "so close" to them in an intimate moment.  He still made efforts and told me how beautiful I am when I would get myself looking nice and he has been so supportive.  Everyone is different and we all have different coping mechanisms.  Talk to him with understanding, but don't go into thinking he's a bad husband or doing things wrong.  Try to think of the great things he's done for you and be as understanding as you can.  It can be hard, I definitely know how you feel. I've even been in fights with my guy about it, but it always comes down to both people being understanding and trying to compromise moving forward.  Intimacy takes effort and that is the case after baby arrives too.  Don't give up. Good luck!
Avatar universal
I understand your situation. Went through it last pregnancy except the military part. Once i started showing big time im not sure what happened in his head but he said the same words. Have no choice but believe he was legitimately scared. BUT once our baby was born, the compliments started coming non stop and the flirting and touching and it was like he was a teenager in heat for me all over again even though i had a bunch of weight left over. So anyway, I really do think your husband is concerned and its not that you are not attractive. And like you said he probably has to be distant because in his head he is taking care of you and baby by sacrificing that part of the relationship for a short while. Hang in there. It'll go by soon enough and things will go back to normal again.
10033740 tn?1458081962
I totally agree with mommabanielle! That is very unfair for someone to say he's not a good husband! (Mouth dropped) wow. On another note, like the positive ladies are saying, just tell him what you want. Have a conversation with him or take him, take him to a Dr appt, or even show him informative info on how sex is a great thing to help get things going in the last trimester. Good luck and congrats! :)
Avatar universal
Dont worry ut just i stage  some husband go though that stage mind left for 3 weeks n i was 5 months pregnant n when he got back omg i was a mini hippo n sex was a bit weird but i think u should try to motivate him i did get him wanting sex to make luv to you i know at this stage we have mix emotion n we dont feel good about how we look am 31 weeks n i feel like that at time sheer up think positive..i wish u all the best in ur relationship n with ur liltle Angel.
Avatar universal
my partner was the same, the bigger I got the less sex we had and no cuddling, I just didn't get any love from him not til after I had the baby he couldn't wait the six weeks lol sorry tmi. I guess they get freaked out with the belly):
Avatar universal
My last pregnancy, mine was discusted, he was so grossed out by a preg body he almost left, but then he realized how stupid he was being.  This time if he acts like that ill show him thevdoor ;)  hugs to you and hope he comes around soon.
Avatar universal
Thanks ladies you are awesome! I know he's not a bad husband, on the contrary, he is the best and I know he's going to make the best dad as well. I'm now going to put on the sexy stuff and see if I can get him excited ;-)
Avatar universal
Idk if this will help but I was in the military too and whenever I came back from training that lasted awhile like that it took me a little while to show affection too. You just get use to not touching anyone affectionately.  Give him a little bit to adjust.
pregnancy  is a lot to take in even for the man. He doesnt sound like a bad guy though
1035252 tn?1427227833
Have him look up articles online about how sex is safe during pregnancy and maybe google positions that are the most comfortable for you. Have him actively seeking knowledge that can reassure him, and give him some time. He may not come around - some guys just don't dig pregnant sex, lol. But if he is still loving and excited about the baby, try to connect intimately in other ways and see if you can find some sex along the way :).

My husband has always found me sexy when pregnant because I'm very confident (when else can you not suck your gut in for 9 months and no one can make a rude comment? ;) ) so I think some men do enjoy it, but maybe he just needs some time.
10843549 tn?1425096623
I took my husband to the dr and she said she could feel the babies bones in her head. Ya that freaked him out hahaha we dont have much sex but ive been trying to get more because I want it to help my cervix lol
Avatar universal
This is not to be rude.  I think your husband is still attracted to you.   The thought of a human being inside of you can change one's perspective on sex.  You dont have much longer to go. Soon he will be so into you, you will be begging him to stop.
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