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Pregnancy: Ages 25-34 Community
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Avatar universal

postpartum depression

I can't help but feel the insane urge to slit my wrists or put a bullet in my head. My husband is a horrible father to our daughter I hate being married but can't leave I have no money no car no family no place to go. I just sometimes want to kill myself and give my baby to a caring family so she doesn't grow up poor or has a bad childhood because her mom other can't make enough money without a man. I can't help but want to kill myself so bad tonight. I only don't because of my baby I can't give up but at the same time I'm so dead inside. I just want to die. I don't want to wake up next to my husband. He can't be trusted with the baby he handles her too rough and was yelling at me while burping her I stayed calm until he gave her back too afraid he might drop her. I hate myself so much right now I just don't know how to stay strong anymore
26 Responses
Avatar universal
Omg sounds like u really need some serious counseling and there are so many ways that u could be helped. Ur not alone and there is so much that can be done about ur situation. Please try to stay positive and there are many ways u can get away from a relationship w a husband like the one u described. There are so many laws that protect and help women in ur situation. U r not hopeless. The only o es who can't be helped are the ones who never seek it. I hope that things get better for u... stay strong n I'm glad u think about ur baby. Keep thinking about ur baby and seek professional help...
Avatar universal
Talk to your doctor. You are in need of counceling and they will be able to help you.
10487905 tn?1421083783
Sounds like you need to talk to someone honey? Do you have any family or close friends? I'm so sorry you are feeling so bad I'll pray things get better for you
Avatar universal
I will talk to my doctor next week I am scared of myself because I feel like I can't control myself and driven by emotions. My husband won't give me a divorce and has all the money. I've tried to seek help find any way to make money from home as childcare is not an option right now I just feel hopeless like there's no way out.
Avatar universal
Anytime I beg him for a divorce he won't do it I rather be dead than in my situation I know it's not permanent I have to keep telling myself that although I don't believe it anymore or that there's a good outcome. I'm so angry he's taking my happiness away my joy of early motherhood
Avatar universal
Please talk to someone. Google postpartum depression and the baby blues. You will see that this is not your real self and you can find a hot line to call tonight. I felt somewhat the same after my first and it helped me to read about others in blogs and forums.
Avatar universal
It is normal to feel bad after baby is born. Lots of women get very depressed and some don't get the help they need. Don't be afraid to find a therapist, if you call your on or the hospital you delivered at they might be able to point you in the direction of free therapist or someone that will take your insurance. You are not alone keep that in mind. You don't have to hurt your self there is help out there if you just ask and look.

I get to feeling depressed while pregnant and for the first few weeks after. Then once baby stops breastfeeding I get depressed also. Mine is mostly because of weight gain and the normal I lost my body and feel like crap about myself. Then after baby stops breastfeeding I feel like my baby is all grown.

Don't worry about the husband factor right now because all that matters is baby and you. Take care of the two important people and worry about husband issues later. Take some time for you and baby, turn on some soothing music and sing and dance with baby. Get on the floor with baby and show baby toys and play (even newborns like floor time). Plus don't worry about money because it is true that it don't buy happiness and most of the really happy kids I know are not rolling in money.. give your self time to feel better and trust me it will get better.  
Avatar universal
Do you have a abused women's shelter near you? If he yells at you and trays to keep you from getting a divorce and has the only income they can help. I am a nurse and that is where we send people in situations like yours. Verbal abuse as in yelling and him being in control of finances puts you at risk for physical abuse. If you call a women's abuse shelter and kinda explain things like you did here and let them know you feel your only way out is to hurt yourself they should help you.
Avatar universal
Go to ur nearest er and get some help...ur daughter needs you...they have social workers who can help guide you ti safety...u also need to be somewhere where u can be watched so u sont harm yourself
Avatar universal
Don't wait until next week to see the doctor. Go to the ER now. It's better for you to get help now then wait.
Avatar universal
I can't really "go" anywhere I don't have a vehicle and my husband doesn't let me drive his. I'm scared that going to a shelter Will make me feel worse like im homeless :(
Avatar universal
It is important to find a support system asap.  I suffered through post partum after my third.  I ended up calling my ob emergency line.  Do you have anY family or relatives close by.  You can Get thru this.  Please dont wait until next week.  There is help out there you just have to ask
Avatar universal
Honey you got to be willing to get help. It don't sound like you are yet when you are you know where to go. Good luck and hope you feel better soon.
Avatar universal
Please call 1800-273-8255. They will help you right now. You are not alone!!!
Avatar universal
You can message me if you need to talk. The number that i gave you is a lifeline. They will give you all the resources that you need right now.Postpartum depression can trigger suicide thoughs. Please give them a call!!!!
Avatar universal
Honey, you need to go to the ER right now. They will help you. Which is most important for you baby. You need to know...this is NOT your fault. You are NOT alone. This will get better and you will live a life that makes you happy. Your baby needs you. Please go get help. I know it's hard to take that first step but you must do it for your child. I am praying for you. Please remember you are NOT alone!!!
Avatar universal
Just think would you want to leave your daughter in the same situation you find yourself in? Dont leave her alone. You are the only one with her best interest at heart. A divorce can wait. Money will come with time, you'll find a way. Killing yourself is not a solution nor an option. Tell yourself that.  And get some help because there are a lot of resources out there for moms and babies that find themselves in your situation. There are shelters you can go to with your daughter. Just do it safely when he is not home. I will be praying for you. You'll get through this.
Avatar universal
Where I live I physically cannot go anywhere without a car so I'm stuck at home he has a car I don't there is no public transportation
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Call 911, sweetie. They'll come and help you. At least call a hotline and talk to someone.
Avatar universal
Can you call someone for a ride? Just pretend its a doctor appointment or something like that
Avatar universal
I was 18 when I had my first child. And had post pardum depression. I've been stuck in a relationship almost like yours besides I did all the work with my kids. Hold in there. A window will open and an opportunity to leave will happen. God doesn't give us more than we can't handle. You just had a bay. What is happier than that? Be strong.  
Avatar universal
Call 911, they take situation like this seriously. Police officer will come & help you. Don't do anything to harm yourself or baby. Don't leave her alone esp when you know her dad does not care for her. Your in my prayers!
Avatar universal
Thank you everyone I put my baby to sleep in her bassinet and took a hot bath and feel a lot better and in more control right now I am trying to find a way to leave but it's as if everything is working against me and it's frustrating
Avatar universal
Just keep doing whatever it takes. Listen to music, watch a favorite movie, read a good book. Just try to get help as soon as you can. Hang in there, girl! You're so much stronger than you could ever imagine. Our babies give us a strength we never thought possible.
Something that has helped me...the quote, "Give it to God and go to sleep." Sometimes that is absolutely all you can do. I know it's hard. So very hard. But, you're gonna be okay. Please message me if you're in need of someone to talk to!
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