unplanned pregnancy & depression

[wren09]

Hi Ladies

I have been feeling really crappy the last couple of days. I am 11 weeks pregnant with my first child. It was completely and utterly unplanned I got pregnant with a copper IUD (it was exactly where it should be and well placed according to the technician)... initially there was a chance it was in the wrong spot (ectopic) and not viable so that was stressful in itself. I cried for two weeks when the pregnancy test showed positive and have been crying off and on since.

I have an amazing boyfriend we've been together over 4 years and we bought a house in September, we are both 26. I currently work out of town (two hours away) during the week and I am home on weekends so have spent the last year and a half driving back and forth. It's not a job I particularly enjoy but I haven't been able to get anything at home so I've been stuck. I was going to grad school in the fall which I still am going to try to do but my due date is right in the middle of the second semester so I guess I will be taking that off.


Everyone including my boyfriend is really excited but I can't help but feel like my life is over I haven't even been able to live in the house we bought full time, we haven't been on a vacation just the two of us ever, I am worried about the massive changes happening in my body and I am scared this is a huge mistake. All really selfish reasons really but I never had any maternal desires. We never talked about abortion seriously I don't think  I could go through with it I wouldn't want to do that to my boyfriend He would be an amazing dad. I thought I'd get over the shock but I am feeling super depressed and Mondays when I leave home and go back to work I usually sit at my desk and cry. I don't know how to help myself and I feel bad for my boyfriend as he's getting increasingly upset that I am not the teensy bit excited. .. on top of that I haven't had much morning sickness so everyone tells me how lucky I am but mentally I am a wreck. I am in such a better situatio n then a lot of pregnant ladies so I don't know what is wrong with me. I just want to be happy.  

[helz34]

Strangely enough I feel the same but the other way round I'm 34 didn't want any more I only hv 1 daughter she's 11 now I'm 16 weeks pregnant Iv not stopped crying as it was the last thing I wanted I  needed to concentrate on my career don't get me wrong my daughter is my world . I had her when I was 23 and felt like you trust me I wldnt change a thing this baby inside you will give you the most amazing joy and experience fun laughter and pride in a few years you will think my god I cld not imagine my life without this child and I'm sure I will eventually feel tht about my second it's very scary nothing in life is easy but you will find the strength to do this xx

[sprmom87]

That is awesome! No doctor should dismiss your concerns, what a jerk! I am sure he just added on to the way you felt. :(

[wren09]

Thanks sprmom87 I tried to talk to my OB GYN about depression/panic attacks/stress of being away from my support network but he blew me off and told me "all pregnant women are anxious". I was fortunate to find a midwife accepting patients for my due date so I am hoping my experience is better .

[sprmom87]

Yep one day at a time is how I get through tough situations. And things will change for you by the time baby arrives. You should mention how you feel to your doctor, although I understand what an unexpected pregnancy can do to your emotions, the pregnancy hormones could be taking an extra toll on you mentally as well. I wish you the best of health and luck!

[Schmalzy]

My oldest sister felt the same way when she got pregnant with her first. . She was on birth control and going to University.  Her boyfriend (now husband) wasn't thrilled about it either and wanted her to get an abortion but she would never do that even knowing how miserable she was.  Over Time she got really happy though and she said she wouldn't have ever wanted it any other way.  She is now happily married with 3 kids.

I know you are scared now and yes it is a very scary experience but just give yourself some time to adjust and let it sink in.  It's Nice that your boyfriend is happy about it too.

Just remember that your life is not over just cuz you have a baby.  You can still finish your career and go on holidays. Hope you start feeling better about your pregnancy.  

[wren09]

Thanks ladies. I was in a bit of a poor mental state before this happened being away from home and really unhappy in my job.... I had been counting the days till I could quit and go back to school and be at home and start the next chapter.

I really have a good situation compared to most ladies other then being away from home ... I dunno. One day at a time I guess.

[expecting6thbaby]

You will be fine. Stuff happens and you just got to deal, I know it *****. I hate being a grown up,  I miss my biggest problem being that I could not get a new outfit for a party.  Just hang in there I know how you feel my husband wanted this baby. I was not ready for another yet but he would not give in.  I am the one who deals with school, parties, presents, events, girl scouts, dance classes. And everything else. I feel like I need another me to help me with all the work.  Now I have another baby and I am going to have to do all my work and chores while pregnant and miserable.  I just keep in mind that I am strong and can figure out a way to work everything out. You can do it and don't feel bad about not being happy, you seem to be having the baby even though it was not planned. No body will blame you for being upset.

[Maleka87]

First of all...I want to validate your feelings. You WERE actively trying to prevent a pregnancy right now. ..and it happened anyway-that *****. I'm sorry you're so not on board. I can understand that. I can honor that. That being said...I do feel as though it MAY change. I think it'd be good to speak to your doctor about what options you have for controlling depression.  I'm 12 weeks and I feel somewhat like I made a mistake. I'm SO stressed and worried. And in grad school myself. It's partially hormones...trust me. Hang in there...once you see that baby...or feel it move those feelings may dissipate - at least I hope so.

[kkatmore]

This is a huge huge change to your life style and your mental state, especially if it wasn't planned. I am sure when you have finally that baby of yours, you will soon adjust and will adore him/her and will be happy. Meanwhile, try not to think about all bad stuff, don't think you can't do stuff with a baby, everything is possible, career, travels, just have to "juggle" things around a little bit. You are in good age to have a child, so let it be. Concentrate on your each day, that you're feeling well, that your boyfriend is happy, don't think a lot how things will be different, you don't know that, you will still build your life like you want with your family. Think how special you are now that you're carrying a baby. Don't be upset if somebody say or you think that you don't have a "maternal instinct" and how selfish you are, we are all different and some ppl have more of one than the others. Still do stuff which makes your happy. I hope you have enough support in your family, it seems this way. But if you really feel that all this you're feeling now is "stronger" than you even after you tried everything, go talk to a specialist, and there's nothing shameful to this either. Many women go through depression and it can be resolved. What's good, most of them are absolutely happy with their babies and "extended" families, is spite of everything they had to go through. I really wish you start feeling better. And i am sure you will be a proud happy mom.

[mommyashley2014]

I hope everything works out for you and the baby dear good luck

[jelarin]

Save up some money and go on vacation when you're in your second trimester.  Not sure what you can do about grad school. Try to take online classes, you might make it through that way. It's okay to feel sad, you didn't plan this, and it changes your whole life. I hope you get to have a better job, maybe a stay at home job so that you can enjoy your house, but I understand how hard it is to get any kind of job..