People in the delivery room

[ashleighnb]

So many of you know my situation with being seperated from my husband and my daughters illness. DD will be in the hospital during my delivery and my mom will be staying there with her while I have the baby. We have decided to skype during the delivery so that they can be a part of the experience. So in the room with me will be my aunt, and two cousins. I do not want my ex to be in the room. I know I have every right to want it this way considering what he has done and how uncomfortable and upset he makes me feel when he is around. But I don't know how to tell him without being too mean. It is his first child and Im sure he would love to be at the birth but I dont feel like I can relax and enjoy the experience with him in there. My question is how should I tell him I do not want him in the room until she is born? I was thinking of waiting until the day of the induction and texting him and saying "I am being induced today, don't rush to the hospital because it will be a lot of waiting around in the waiting room, and I am going to try to relax before things get crazy."

Anyone have any other ideas of how to express to him that I do not want him in the room?

[hopfulEparents]

It sounds like you've already made up your mind but just I'll offer my thoughts anyways. I would let him know beforehand that youre not comfortable with him being present for the delivery. You shouldnt feel any obligation to anything when its your labor experience. I dont know what your history is but from the little explanation you gave in this post he doesnt seem like the type that would care (I could be wrong though). He may want to know when the baby is due if for no other reason than to know when he is becoming a father. Sorry that you are in a situation where you even have to deal with this but soon you'll have a new sweet baby in your life!

[ashleighnb]

thanks ladies for all your responses. I discussed this with my mom as well and she thinks I should wait until the baby is born to say anything but I know that will cause more issues. He has not been going to appts nor has he even purchsed one thing for the baby, so he doesn't know anything about the pregnancy, I haven't even seen him since the beginning of April. So I think I will let him know that I am in the hospital after I have gotten settled in and then just let him know there will be a lot of waiting in the waiting room until she is born so for him not to rush over and that I will be trying to rest and focus as I am sure I will be because of the fact that my little girl will be in the hospital 20 miles away without me will be stressful enough. She wanted to be a part of the delivery so bad it just kills me that she won't be there with me. I think he may expect me to not want him in there after what he has put me through so it may not be a big deal.

[AnnieBrooke]

I don't know how bullheaded your ex is, but it seems to me that you're going to have to tell him plainly that you don't mind seeing him after the baby is born but do not wish company in the delivery room.  Then tell the doctors or nurses in case the door has to be barred against him.  Again, don't know your story so don't know how big of a fight this might be, but I'd tell him in advance.  Men are not always that eager to be in for the screaming, bleeding, and sweat of labor anyway, he might not be disappointed (unless he's just into having a power struggle with you because of you two's personal situation).

[KarenDiane]

Hey Ashleigh!
    I answered this on the 35+ forum but I think I would wait until after she is born to tell him.