Mother in-law tension

[Jennyeaton23]

Ok so I realize it is not exactly a pregnancy question, but I was wondering if anyone else was having trouble with thier in-laws since they found out they were expecting?

[Jennyeaton23]

Mine understands what is happening and his mother gets crazy when he defends me. He is a very passive man, so the fact that he is so quick to defend to me, drives her up the wall. She is used to being in TOTAL control and my independence makes her her hate me. I am sorry your husband doesn't take your side. He should understand that you and your children are his family first and he put you in that place when he married you. He needs to honor that commitment especailly with his family.  

[wannabeamommy0124]

i wish my dh would be so understanding... he defends them and their attitudes and growls at me everytime i try to say anything about it...

[Jennyeaton23]

I HATE it when she refers to my son as "our baby" or "my baby". I know it is harsh, but it just compounds the fact that she is controlling and that she views my son as one of her children. My DH loves his mother, but neither of us feel her parenting skills are great or have very sucessful results. I have a special view because I can see my husband's shortcomings that are a direct result of her teachings. He as an adult is fixing them now, but had she steered him correctly as a child the problems would be nonexistent now. This makes me all the more sensitive when she critizes me as a wife or mother for wanting things the way I want them. Her parenting short changed my DH and I refuse to allow her to do the same with my boy.  I mean I will not be the perfect mother, I know that, but I have strong beliefs in structure, discipline,achievement,encouraging advancement and creativity, education, and religion and I believe I will do the best thing for him.
Brandi, I understand the facebook situations. I would erase them too. My MIL would do that too.
Sun, my BIL is a special circumstance and he doesn't just drive me nuts but actually scares me a little bit and my DH doesn't want him around our family. My FIL and other BIL are fine, they seem to be supportive and understanding and like they want to be there for my DH and I. What I find amusing is my DH says my family is nothing like his and doesn't understand why his mom and brother are the way they are, I hope it gets better for you.

[SunWorshiper_26]

My in laws yes nightmare sick of their cr@p. Luckily now it's only one BIL that's driving me nuts instead of the whole Fam.

[brandiw13]

My MIL was pretty good during the pregnancy, but now that the babies are here, she's semi-driving me crazy. She had an issue with the bottles we were using for the twins and I got a little ticked about that. It sounds really weird too, but when I upload pictures of the babies on facebook, she wants to tag herself in the pictures & I just take them off because it irritates me! Crazy hormones.

[Jennyeaton23]

My MIL thinks this is her kid, lol. Everything from diapers to religion is up for discussion in her mind. She thinks I am horrible for her son, first and foremost, so she is also working under the assumption I will be a horrible mother. She makes it very clear to me, but never says anything to my DH because she can't stand it when he sticks up for me. She also underminds everything I say and think and tries to turn almost everything into an arguement when she can. Sometimes she can't and that really pisses her off. Most of my marriage she has tried to drive a wedge, quite unsucessfully, between my husband and I, but ever since I got pregnant she has been in total control mode and it has come to the point that I refuse to speak to her and my DH won't talk to her about the baby. Examples of stuff that she is doing. We were thinking of cloth diapering, she tells me it is alot of work and doesn't think I would be able to handle it and keep him safe and clean. I work and she says that women should stay home with thier children if they want to call themselves mothers. We are baptizing our son catholic because that is what I am and DH is agnostic, but she is baptist and DH was raised Baptist so that is what our son should be.  We have chosen, after a great deal of research, not to circumcise our son, she says it is nasty and I am settting him up for illnesses and humilation. That is just a few, not to mention the tantrums she has thrown because she hasn't gotten her way. I hope that it will get better, but I highly doubt it and I don't think it is fair of her to put all of this stress on me. I have enough going on. Don't get me wrong I would love for us to have a great relationship and get along and everything to be good because we are expanding our family, but I need her to be a spectator, not a coach. I mean, we live one house away from my parents and they don't EVER try to control our marriage or our lives.

[lil_lady25]

Mine are pretty good for the most part because they are soooo grateful that I gave them their first grandaughters. But my MIL is driving me nuts about breastfeeding! I'm only able to BF one of the girls because I am not producing enough for both. She gets on me all of the time like it's my fault my body isn't producing enough milk for my girls. They will not be stupid if they have to eat formula... Ahhhhh!!

Anyhoo......Jennyeaton, do you have any examples of why they are driving you nuts?

[wannabeamommy0124]

lol... problems with my inlaws started the minute i said i do... i guess they loved me as the girlfriend because they thought id be a temporary company for teir son... but then we got married and its like i am the worst thing that happened to their son... they question everything we do, what i think, and try to change his mind in decisions we have made together without caring that i have a say in things too... its ridiculous, but the good thing is... I DONT CARE!! lol!! it may be his parents but i have made it very clear to him that i do not agree with how thye think they can just step into our marriage and say what they want and think they can get away with it...

anyways... i agree with above poster let it slide!! obviously dont let them disrespect you or your marriage but.. dont let little things affect you eother... at least not till after the baby is born... you dont need any stress right now!

[trh0819]

My trouble is with my own mother; my in-laws are great, but yes, I can relate. It's been a very trying 8 months so far. She drives me crazy, questions everything, thinks I should do things her way, etc. Honestly, I have excluded her from so much just to cut down on stress. I don't need the extra worries and neither does the baby.  Not sure what you're dealing with but hoping you and your husband can find a happy medium to keep those not as supportive at a safe distance so you can ENJOY your pregnancy.