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Uncertain pregnancy

I am in some helpful advice on what to do A.S.A.P!!! . Im 21 and im 8weeks pregnant. I have always wanted to have a baby and i am happy. But im in such complication with this whole subject. The babys father is my ex who is 19 and wants nothing to do with me but claims he will be be here for the baby only but isnt happy about it. He has treated me like **** and hasnt been around nor here for me. Before him i was engaged with someone for 3 years, together for 5. And long story short this ex fiance whos 23 finally grew up and has been nothing but a best friend/ supporter and always here for me. The ex fiance says hes more than happy to father the baby reguardless if its not biologically his and im kinda wanting to see how things go between me and my ex fiance since hes nothing but perfect now. But im soo confused on what to do considering my mom is soo upset at who the father of this baby is and isnt supportive. The father of the baby and his parents want nothing to do with me or the baby and demand me to get an abortion. If i have this baby, il be upset that the biological father wont be in its life like he should be and when the baby is born il feel such a hateful energy towards the babys daddy and his parents and im dreading court and the whole custody battle.  And another thing, me and the ex fiance are wanting our own child together soon. Me and the babys daddy were in love but he started changing and isnt the same guy anymore. I know this may sound alot less complicated than im making it out to be but i am honestly at a lost of words on what to do. I want to do the right thing and dont want to regret nor wish i wouldnt done something about this in the beginning. Please help
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Avatar universal
I hate to hear this going on for you my OPINION is having and abortion and then having another baby is hard because you see the love you have for you second and think you killed it sibiling.  and second your child would be better off with someone who wants to be there not someone who is because he owns up to his"problems" and if your ex fiance wants to be there that is great and shows how much of a good person he is.  It is really your decision.  I am against abortions and feel it is wrong to kill a baby just to try and have another with some one else.
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915119 tn?1341948989
I'm sorry to hear what you are going through. I went through something similar when I was pregnant with my daughter. Her father (now my husband) was happy at first to know I was pregnant but then for some reason things changed. He asked for us to visit his parents to Mexico so we did. When it was time to come back, he refused. I ended up coming back alone. I cut off all contact with him and his family. When I was 8 months pregnant I got a phone call from him asking for my forgiveness and he was telling me how sorry he was for what he did and that he wanted to be with his real family. I accepted him with the condition that he was going to be a good father to my daughter. Up till today, he has been a very wonderful father and for about 10 months we tried getting pregnant and now I'm 5 weeks along. Things can change, but then again they might not change. Do what you consider best for your baby and for yourself. If you know your baby's father doesn't want anything to do with you then just cut all contact with him. Be strong for your baby!!!
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903660 tn?1252977130
I am so sorry to hear about the father treating you like that.  I agree with the women above.  Great advice on the ex fiance...letting him be there as a friend, support, but nothing more right now. Don't complicate things by getting too involved too quickly.  But he sounds like a real gentleman and you two have a history togehter. It may work out in the long run. Take one day at a time and take care of yourself and the baby.

Don't let the father talk you into abortion!  Of course, that's what he wants...he's not carrying this child!  If anything, PLEASE think about adoption instead of abortion, if it comes down to it.

I pray everything will work out great for you!
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436471 tn?1244569914

I agree with Macleiory. This is a time to put you and your baby first.
Your baby's father and his family would come around in time. As they get used to the idea of a baby they will warm up. Babies tend to do that to Grandmas especially. And even if they dont have a change of heart,,,so what! Don't let someone else take away one of the most joyous times in your life. Who knows what life can throw at you? All that matters right now is what YOU want. And u are so blessed to have your ex fiance in your life. You are not alone, why not give him a 2nd chance?

Best of luck!
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900952 tn?1262692177
I have had a family member experience a very surprisingly similar situation.  

I guess all I can say is that at 19 he's really still just a boy and that's exactly how he is behaving.  If he and his family want nothing to do with you or the baby and demand you abort - let them go......when he grows up a bit and he decides on his own that he has a responsibility then let him make contact.  Don't call him or them to let them know how you and the baby are going - let them call you and if they start with blameful and hurtful nonsense - HANG UP.  Believe me, that is a VERY hard thing to do.

I know you want the father to be there for the child but you can't force someone to do something they are determined not to do just to spite you - and the baby won't be able to make that decision with any wisdom until they are much older than newborn.  

I spent 8 years in custody battles and trust me, you don't want to go there!!  

It does sound as though your ex is being a very good friend.  I know you want and need love and care and support right now, but let him just be your friend.  Put the brakes on for it being any more than that during this pregnancy and for at least the first 3 months after the birth - your life will go through huge changes over the next year - not to mention your moods, emotions, ideas, desires for your future and everything else.  

Take care of YOU and YOUR BABY first. For the sake of your physical, emotional and mental health, accept help when it is offered and let go of unnecessary unhappiness.  

Let me know how you go and I'll be thinking of you.  xxooxx  PS; Do lots of smiling!!
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