Vent--Poor baby

[Sasha80]

hey ladies...this is just a vent as i have to let it out.  a childhood friend had her baby 2 weeks ago.  he was 4 weeks premie weighing in just over 5lbs.  since being at home he gets very little attention.  he is constantly in the playpen and never gets held by mom or dad (she tells him not to hold him so he doesn't get spoiled).  when he cries she just leaves him.  one time he was screaming.  my sis and i both stood up to go get him.  she told us to leave him as he is just being fussy.  my sister picked him up and as she picked him up he burped plus she changed a poopy diaper. on the same day he kept crying sucking on his fist vigorously and she still wouldn't get him.  i went and picked him up (even after her telling me that he just ate...ya....he ate almost 3 hours ago) warmed a bottle and fed him.  He was starving.  to give him some stimulation i went and put together the safari floor jungle gym for him to lay under.  she refused to put him under it as she said he is fine in the playpen (as he continued to cry).  the grandmother was there for a visit and in the 6 hours i was there she never held him once nor did she pick him up while crying.  I made sure i gave him as much attention as possible while there even if she didn't like it.  this poor baby is left crying for VERY long periods of time.  i asked her how he sleeps at night and she said that sometimes he is up every 3 others and there are days he is up every 1.5-2hrs and stated that she refuses to get up that many times a night and will not do it.  You can't say anything to her as she is a know it all.  this poor baby is going to have sooo many issues when he grows up.  i worry about his health too.  what if something is wrong (being that he is a premie and just got back to his birth weight) and she doesn't tend to his needs.  i am worried about this babe as you can see.  i wish i could go pick him up and bring him to our home to live with us.  the sad thing is that she is already trying to convince her husband to have another baby right away (he already has two other children).  Ugggghhhhh....i think about this baby too much.  any ideas on how i could get this out of my head?

[Sasha80]

Hi ladies,

I just wanted to update you on this little guy.  My sis lives near our friend so I have been in the loop of what has been happening in our friends home.  My sis is there frequently as our friend has requested some help with him.  Things have turned around alot.  My sis says that our friend is overprotective now.  She calls the doctor for every little thing or calls my sister with parenting questions.  She is much more attentive and snuggles with him alot.  Sounds to me as though she did have a mild case of PPD (as someone mentioned) but never went to the doctor to get checked. She seems to have made some progress with her parenting.  I did call child protection but I don't know the outcome of my call.  They never did call to let me know if they went to the house or not and I am definitely not going to ask our friend.  

[EiNimea]

I feel so very sorry for the baby. It's hard to reason with her since she is Mrs. know it all. let her learn her lesson.

[SoCalTricia]

This makes me so sad. If this woman only knew what a gift she has, she'd never put him down. I don't know if any of you remember me from when we were all pregnant...but my baby, Ian, was born July 9th. He passed away suddenly and unexpectedly from a brain tumor on September 5th. I would give ANYTHING to have him back here keeping me up all night and wanting to be held. It pains me so much to see women who have no idea how lucky they are to have their sweet angels with them still.

If any of you want to know the whole story of what happened, I started a blog. Just put a "." where I have the "*" in the address...medhelp will delete my post if I put an actual link:
www*wanttobeuntied*wordpress*com

Tricia

[eternidad200]

To Sasha- you are right people like this woman leaving her baby alone like that makes me sick. Some women should not be granted the right to have children. It upsets me bc I had to go through a lot of fertility issues for many years to have my son, and this lady takes fro granted the gift of conceiving and obviously has no concern about her child's well being.
I hug my boy a lot, I mean a lot, I am always responding to him, caressing him, singing to him, and playing, like anyone else he aslo spend time son his swing, bouncer or playing alone at times, but never, never let him cry.

[Mumita]

I would call social services, in my opinion that is abuse and neglect and she could have her baby taken away from her.

[Sasha80]

wilkitea--Honestly, I think she had a baby so she can say that she "had a baby".  That's my opinion.  Before baby she was very verbal.  Loudest one of the bunch.  Always judging others as she knows everything.  I don't think PPD is part of it (but you never know).  I think it's who she is.  Thinking it's part of her immaturity and her logic of "how easy it is to raise kids".  I am feeling much better now that I have vented.  I live 15 hours away from her and probably won't be seeing her for awhile now.  Kind of a relief I guess.  

[wilkitea]

Hi. Just reading your post upset me. Not a nice thing for you to witness, it's obviously upset you and playing on your mind so you have done the right thing in venting it, the act of writing it all down often helps just to get it out of your head, or talking to someone you can trust in confidence. Baby is obviously suffering neglect from mum and I would consider getting in touch with midwife/health visitor to discuss this further - this would help you to get your head straight too as you would feel that you have done something to help the baby, (and the mother). I think both baby and mum might need help here though, I don't know what she was like before the baby was born but do you think she wanted him, if so maybe mum has post natal depression and is therefore resentful and not bonding with the baby?? Just a thought. You can't spoil a newborn enough in my opinion, they love to be close to you and cuddled, and you are right this initial start to their life could affect them long term. My baby cried a lot due to colic, she was only 5lb 3 when born but the one thing that would always settle her was a cuddle and being held close to you. How do you feel now you have vented it and slept on it??

[Hol739]

Gosh how could you get this out of your head when you worry so much about the poor baby!! Thats terrible. Someone needs to be called seriously the baby is only 4 weeks old that is awful, that baby just wanted cuddled and loved and attention at that time, and the poor thing should be eating like every hour to 2 hours aw, that makes me sad. POOR THING!!!!!!!!