ok about your first question, I think secondhand cribs are fine as long as the are sturdy, stable, clean and have all the parts. Carseats can be a little trickier, you need to take the cover off to make sure that all the eps foam is in good condition. I have 3 used carseats that I bought of craigslist, the first one I didn't inspect and when I got it home and took the cover off to wash it, the foam was broken meaning the carseat is no good, the other 2 I checked out first and they are fine. As far as you mil goes, I think it's rude of her to totally ignore your wishes however, it wouldn't make you any better to not show up. I think you should take a couple food items that you want to have on the day of the shower and don't tell her about it, also invite the friends you wanted to have and play it off as "they never got the invitation" or "they asked to come at the last second" or whatever excuse you want to use. The diaper prize was a great idea but i'm not sure how you get that in now. Good luck!
agree with her^ hehe. definitely fine to buy secondhand but proceed with caution. it's recommended NOT to buy second-hand carseats, but all of mine have been and I inspect them carefully for cracks. if it's been in an accident and lost structural stability it should be fairly obvious. my crib was second-hand and it was one of the few drop-sides NOT recalled, go figure. We're going to use metal brackets and secure the drop-side before we put the new baby in it because with all the new research I just don't want to run any risk of being the person who discovers that our crib SHOULD be on the recall list...but I LOVE my second-hand crib, AND my second-hand changing table.
as for the jumperoo...what kind is it, do you know? i have the fisher price barnyard one and it's only about 3 years old (it was bought second-hand from a couple that used it ONCE) and it looks like it's ancient as well....the colors aren't very bright and it seems dull, but my daughter freaking LOVED it....as long as you think it's stable there's nothing wrong with putting the baby in it, seeing how they react to it, and if the baby likes it you're golden...and if the baby doesn't like it, you have a good reason to ditch it without hurting MIL's feelings.
The crib used is fine, just make sure it is in good condition and hasn't been recalled. I am not sure about the states but here in Canada on our governments website you can look up all recalled items.
As for the carseat i would NOT do it. You would never know if it has been in an accident and once it has you are not suppose to use it anymore. It is like a bike helmut, once it has been in an accident the materials and safety features have been compromised, so that would be a no go for me
I would buy 2nd hand for everything BUT the car seat. That would scare me too much to not know if its been in an accident or not. I waited for a coupon at BRU and bought mine 20% off!
Thank you everyone for all your responses. I still don't know what I'm going to do about my MIL, nothing I guess. And as for the crib and car seat, I guess if we find one that is in really good shape and not damaged...oh I dont know. lol My mother and I are going to a big baby consignment sale today, so that's why I was wondering, but I think we're going to play it by ear. If we find something that we like and is in really good condition then maybe I'll get it, but I'm not going to sacrifice my son's safety just to save a few bucks. I mean the crib I want is the Graco Lauren, I think I cant remember offhand, but it's only $160. So it's not like we're going for top of the line or anything. The main reason we want the Graco is because it doesn't transform into a Full sized bed, cuz I just don't think our kid needs a Full sized bed, and if our son's bedroom isn't big enough for a bug bed like that then we'd have to get rid of it and get a twin anyway. And the Graco crib is one of the few that transform to a Twin bed. As for the car seat, I want a Graco Snugride, a car seat I know I won't buy at a garage sale because...well I just don't trust people to tell the truth when it comes to making money lol. I mean what if it's been in a fender bender that wasn't enough to visibly crack the foam or the car seat but it's damaged internally? I mean in a major accident a car seat with internal damage I don't think would be as safe as one that has no damage. Oh I don't know. Sometime's I wonder, I mean people have survived thousands of years without car seats and all this stuff. It makes me wonder how any of us survived. lol Not that I would ever ever consider not using a car seat. Ever. That's kind of what my MIL said the other day when i tried to talk to her about how there might be items I dont think are the safest that I'd rather not use, and she was like well mine all lived, mine lived. In my head I'm like that's great but the death and injury rates were higher back then for a reason. Ugh, so frustrating. I don't want her to feel like I'm insulting her parenting, but when you raise four kids as a single parent things get overlooked. There are things that my husband does and has done that I think better parenting could have solved or prevented. I feel like a traitor now, like we're allowed to think it, but we shouldn't say it. Ugh, I dunno. To me kids learn a lot of their behaviors from their parents, good and bad. I've realized my husband gets his lack of communication from his parents. Because his father is awful at communicating with him and the whole baby shower thing is like well his mom isn't all that great at communication either. lol I just want to be the best mom possible, I want to try and fix my bad behaviors before my son can learn from them and repeat them. My husband smokes and I'm really afraid that our son is going to smoke too. I feel like if my husband and I eat healthy and our son grows up eating healthy that then when he's all grown up he'll have healthy eating habits. Which is a whole other thing, because my husband feels like I'm overthinking all of this. He acts like I shouldn't worry about the man our son will be someday. I think my husband and I have very different views on parenting, but he doesn't want to talk about them and figure out a workable solution. Honestly, what it feels like is that I'm meant to be a city parent, the type who is really proactive about raising kids, like it is a full time job that requires just as much time, thought, and energy as a real job. And I think that my husband is much more....well country/backwoods lol, like having kids is just having kids, you feed them and keep them healthy and they grow up, it seems simple to him. I guess I feel like...he looks at it as "being a parent" like "i have kids" and i look at it as "im parenting" like "im raising kids". lol oh I don't know. Sorry to babble, I don't really have anybody who gets it around here. We're the first of all our friends and family to get married, we're the first of all our friends and family to have kids so other than his mom and my mom, we're kinda on our own. so...you ladies have any thoughts on all this stuff? lol