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people visiting

Is it wrong of me to request grandparents and other family members not to visit till after a couple weeks. I want to get settled in a little before we have people come by. Especially people who I feel will offer up unsolicited advice. I dont particularly get along with his mom, and I know she is taking it personally;  but my dad isn't coming straight down to visit either (I dont talk to my mother). He told his parents early on we wanted a week or two just us & the baby, and had to reiterate again a day or two ago.  Now he has gotten phone calls & emails about how selfish we are being (especially since its their first grandbaby) and how its going to take awhile for them to get over the hurt we are causing them. I dont know what I should do; I don't want to change my mind and not enjoy that first week or two to the fullest but I don't want them to take it so personally either.
10 Responses
Avatar universal
I say let them visit but only for a day at the hospital and then give you guys the space to settle in and bond with new baby. Not to many people need to hold that baby anyways due to the baby being so brand new and its easier for him/her to catch something. They need to grow up and be a little more understanding of your wishes but, if they want to act like children let them have their way for a day and that is it. I'm having a similar problem but mine involves my husbands mom who smokes like a freight train and smells horrible  and wants to be in the room and I am not for that this time around she planted in the delivery room with our first and its not happening again. In will come off mean selfish what ever but I'm the one having the baby so get over it.
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Are you planning on letting them visit at the hospital? Or are they not meeting the baby at all for the first 2 weeks? If they don't get to meet the baby at all, til after 2 weeks then I do understand why they are hurt.
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I'd let them come see the baby at least once at hospital, they do deserve to meet their first grandchild! But totally understand you want your space after that.
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They have to drive down to see her if they lived it town it'd be different. His dad does oil and isn't even going to be in the country, so they're going to come down and visit the next week or two so he can visit. My husband also does oil and will have to leave days-a week after shes born (depending on when she decides to come)
Avatar universal
We also asked for some time before guests came, and our reasoning was that because all of our family lives out of town  we did the want to have to host overnight guests and learn how to take care of baby all at the same time. If they hadn't needed to stay with us, I would have been fine with them coming to the hospital or stopping by now and then. I completely understand why you want time and space and I think they need to just deal. Waiting a week or two to meet your grandchild is not the end of the world nor should they act like it is. It is your baby and your home they should respect your decisions without acting like children themselves.
Avatar universal
I say they will get over it!
Its your baby and those first days and weeks are meant for mommy daddy and baby. Not baby and grandparents. Two weeks won't kill them the baby will still be there when they do come to visit.  
If you plan to breastfeed those weeks of bonding also give you the privacy and space to get well established!
I am personally letting my mom come see the baby at the hosoital then I am not having any visitors foe a few weeks either
congrats momma we are both almost there!
1905116 tn?1444425264
Just to play devils advocate...1 thing you might not have thought of is just how much you'll want to show off your baby! My parents were on holiday when I gave birth to my last baby and while I normally dread their visits (they live 4 hrs away so not exactly frequent) I was so disappointed that they weren't in the country to come see their latest grandson. None of my family came to see us for at least a week and it actually made me feel quite sad because I was so proud and excited and desperately wanted to show him off.
Avatar universal
Hello Sessie84,

We have the same approach to the matter, but have managed to cone to middle ground as many above have mentioned. On the day of birth, we have asked for a couple of hours by ourselves to enjoy the 'sacred hour' as the hospital calls it. Then we will ring just the grandparents to come visit for max an hour. After that they are to leave and about a week / + half we start with visits from close family and on to relatives/friends.  We have agreed to share some pictures (just taken by phone) in the first week with those who were not allowed to visit at the hospital.

I'd say be true to yourself and see if you can survive with the solution of allowing them to visit but on your time table. Should be survivable having them over twice in the first week for eg. 1 hour max.
Avatar universal
Well I went into labor later that day and she was born at 2:30 this morning.  Today has been a whirlwind of greatness!! I accomplished my goal of an all natural birth, she is a natural at breastfeeding, and I have no regrets about requesting no visitors. Between thw feedings every 2-3 hrs, catching an hr nap here and there and hold/bonding with her, hubby and I have enjoyed not worrying about others being around! Thanks for all the responses. Good luck to you all with your previous ones as well :D!
Avatar universal
Precious*** not previous
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