Move before or after baby

[alwaysbelieve]

Because I am looking for a COMPETELY unbiased opinion, I am not stating which party/relation to which party I am and this will be very 'mechanical' in nature.

Wife: Currently 11 weeks in gestation, due date Oct. 24, 1st pregnancy, Type I diabetes (last A1C = 7), Rh -, living in CA
Husband: Currently overseas (military), due to return mid-August, being transferred to IL upon return, O+

Would it be safe for the wife to relocate and change physicians at ~15-19 weeks? What would the potential negatives be? At what point in the pregnancy would air travel be restricted?

Would it be safer for the wife stay in CA until after the baby is born? At what point after the baby is born would the wife be okay to relocate with the newborn? Should she wait for her post-natal check? Or would it be okay to relocate and return for the post-natal visit? Would air travel be safe for the post-natal visit?

Husband was deployed 1 week after learning of the pregnancy (1 day after 1st doctor visit); the military will allow 2 weeks off upon return from deployment; husband will be required to attend 4 weeks training in FL for new assignment shortly after return from deployment; after training, there is a 3 week time allowance before reporting to new assignment; husband will get 10 days maternity leave.

Timeline made simple:
Day 1: Pregnancy confirmed with MD; 6wks gestation, due date of Oct. 24th given
Day 2: Husband is deployed overseas
Mid-Aug: Husband returns to CA
Early Sept: Husband enters 4 weeks training in FL
Early Oct: Husband searches for housing and relocates to IL
Late Oct: Baby is born
Following birth: Husband has 10 days leave

???: Wife and baby relocate before or after birth???

[JoyRenee]

I assumed you were the paternal grandmother (I look at your profile!) and I think it is wonderful for you to be so concerned. I hope that your DIL is able to make the appropriate choice for herself, without interference from her family (of which can be VERY influencial, especially if this is her first pregnancy).

And hey, let us know what she ends up deciding to do! I'll probably worry about her even though I don't know.

[alwaysbelieve]

Oh my gosh....forgot to mention I have also volunteered to find/secure housing in IL, move everything (be present in CA for loading of items to moving truck), be in IL when items arrive, unpack everything (make the house as much of a home as I can without stepping on either my sons or DILs personalities) should the decision be made to move after the baby.

I also strongly suggested to my son, that once he retuens, the two of them need to be in a furnished apartment or hotel for the remainder of time she is in CA (including after the baby is born) Right now, she is living with her parents and I feel very strongly about the two of them being able to bond with all of this. Don't see that happening with a ton of family around every minute.

Of course, I would love to be in CA or IL when the baby is born, but being a girl, I recognize the primary importance of maternal family being there.

My son as well as I, grew up in IL, I have medical connections there and can help find good doctors once she and the baby get there (before or after birth).

[alwaysbelieve]

First of all, thank you all for your input. I also posted this question to the MD forum.

Secondly, here is the information you seek: I am daddy's mother. I am of course concerned about my daughter-in-law and my grandbaby, I am also concerned with the limited amount of time my son will have to bond not only with his pregnant wife (this was a rapid marriage due to the pregnancy & they have only been together since September 2008) but also his baby. Her family is insisting she stay in CA with the notion that it is SAFER for her. I am a nurse and have told BOTH my son and daughter-in-law that if she were to move before the baby is born, I will NOT allow her to be alone. My daughters and I would spend the summer in IL with her until my son returns from Afghanistan. Between my son and I, arrangements can be made for her family (all or part) to ALSO accompany her in IL and/or travel back and forth as needed per job issues. My son, on the other hand, will not have such liberties when he is stateside either. He CAN get up to 90 days 'emergency leave' but that will count against any FUTURE leave time he accrues.

[kjbutcher]

I was going to say the same thing.  The actual moving of boxes is the least of moving.  The prep before and organizing after is the most work.  Plus the cleaning.  I sure as heck wouldnt want to take a newborn in a brand new enviroment that has not been cleaned.  This is a natural thing.  At the end of pregnancy you go through "nesting" where you clean like a mad woman.  Everything including shelves, tops of doors, the attic...  It is natural for a woman to go nuts to make sure the baby is coming into the cleanest enviroment it can be.  You get that taken away from you if you change that enviroment.  Women go though this for a week or more with no baby around.  You can get that time back after the baby is born.  

When do we get to know who wrote this post?  I certainly have my guess!  i will say this... no matter which side, I would go with what the pregnant woman wants!  If this is the woman...wait a few weeks and see how you feel.  You may feel much more up to it by week 15.  If it is the man...dont mess with her.  woman know what is right for herself and her pregnancy, and her child.  We have been planning this time since the age of 5!  It is our body and we know what it feels like.  We have a much better idea of what the pregnancy and post pregnancy will be like than any man could imagine!

[JoyRenee]

Thanks for the clarification. I also wanted to address the momma-to-be's diabetes and other issues. It will be a lot harder to move with a newborn. Period. I would never want to move with a newborn, whether I was doing anything or not.

Because the wife has diabetes, she may run the risk of giving birth prematurely too. So it would be good for her to be settled in the home they'll be staying at, especially if baby were to have to stay in a NICU or something.

Even if the military moves everything, the wife and husband are the ones to unpack and put their home together. That would be much easier on her when she's 15-19 weeks (when she'd have the most energy anyway) than when she's sleep deprived and just given birth.

I don't know. It just seems like too much to have a baby and have to move and put a home together.

[alwaysbelieve]

The military will cover moving expenses, so neither Mom OR Dad will be physically moving items (furniture, boxes, etc.) either before or after the baby is born

~just wanted to clarify that~

[kjbutcher]

half of my post is gone...
dad is going to want to spend his time bonding with baby and not moving. That will take 100% of his time.  There are also way too many what ifs to do that.  What if baby is in nicu in one state while you are moving to another.  What would you do?  Also mom is going to not be healed until 2 weeks AT THE LEAST after an uncomplicated vaginal birth, 6weeks after c section, possibly longer.  she will be much more able to move pregnant than just after having a baby.  i could not imagine the stress of knowing the huge change of a baby coming and a big move.  I dont know.  I just know that I like to have everything in perfect order before my son came and hope for the same with this one.  Even if she doesnt feel it now...she will.  It is part of the whole process!  Good luck in your decision and my vote obviously is with move now!

[kjbutcher]

I would move before the baby is born.  there are too many things that a baby needs at all times that will not be able to go in boxes.  Being a mom is full full full time job.  There will not be time for packing, unpacking, cleaning of both houses and taking care of baby.  At 15-19 weeks is when a woman feels the best in her pregnancy and can do the most.  i would rather take that time to do wht needs to be done in the new house and be completely ready for baby.  Not to mention the pride you take in putting together babies room.  it would not be nearly as much fun to put together nothing and have to do it completely when youa re tired, nt feeling well and just want to cuddle baby.  Plus it doesnt sound like dad will be helping too much with the whole move.  You cant move and pretend like baby isnt there.  a move that would normally take 15 hours will take 45 hrs watching a baby and trying to get it done.  

[JoyRenee]

Oh and I think it'd be really difficult for the wife to stay apart from her husband, especially during such a special and vulnerable time. It's important for the father of baby to be involved as much as he is able.

[JoyRenee]

I think the wife should move before baby comes. Air travel is unsafe after 32 weeks, some doctors say 36 weeks. It will be very difficult for her to move and settle into a new home and find a new doctor after baby is born. It's just too much stress when trying to learn to breastfeed and bond with baby.

So my personal opinion is that she finds a new physician and moves before the baby comes. At 15 weeks or so she may have only seen the doctor 1-2 times anyway so it'd be easy to find a new one and have medical records transferred.

She'll also be able to "nest" (make a home for baby) which is a somewhat uncontrollable urge to want everything perfect and clean for when baby comes home. She may want to decorate a nursery, too. So definitely move before baby!