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10203682 tn?1418693754

Baby shopping

So my Inlaws want to go shopping for my baby and their asking for a list of everything were missing, now I appreciate what their doing don't get me wrong because I'm really not in a financial position to purchase a lot of what's still missing I just figured I would buy the essentials and got the rest as I went along but it's just they want to go shopping and pick everything thing out themselves and I feel like I'm missing out I mean it's my baby and I wanted to pick the things she would have with my husband I'm a ftm and I'm very prideful I don't like getting help from anyone much less his parents. Their very kind and their just trying to help I just feel bad I can't do it myself or that they won't just let me wing it...
19 Responses
7552771 tn?1469929649
Well maybe just give them a list of a few things you still need except the items you'd really like to get yourself.
Avatar universal
I understand where you are coming from.  Could you do a registry and have them shop off of that? You get to pick out what you want and they get to do the shopping and purchasing.  When the baby is here the fact that you didn't get to pick out those things will be far from your mind :)
Avatar universal
Ask to go with them. It could be a family thing
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
It's just baby stuff.  It's not fine china you keep forever.  :>)  Ask to go or try not to worry about it. They are doing you a huge favor and saving you lots of money.  I'd take them up on it.

You could also be very specific with brand/pictures. /but in the big scheme of things . . .   a swing is a swing.  I hadn't gotten a swing for my baby and my dad just showed up with one one day.  I was like "YAHHHHHHHHHHHH" and didn't car if the material wasn't what I'd have necessarily picked out myself. My baby loved that swing and it sure was nice to have.  :>)  And in a few months, he outgrew it and ya know, it's over.  They grow in and out of these things pretty quickly and I'd go for the nice free stuff rather than shopping for my own if I couldn't afford it any day.

good luck
Avatar universal
I think you should let them if you can't for whatever reason. .. it's their nephew n it's for him not for you let them feel close to your baby later when you have the resources you can do something for the as giving back what they got for baby.. I say just think about it if you reject them later maybe they will not be, around as they want to just by mis understanding your position. ..
10203682 tn?1418693754
The thing is their not trying to get just a few things their trying to get Everything I haven't gotten to choose anything for her because my mom is also doing the same thing I just feel like everyone is picking stuff out for her except for me (I did a registry for the baby shower and I left it all up and they just refuse to look at it)
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I guess I never got that serious about the specialness of baby equipment.  To me, it was needed stuff for my child and not like this special right of passage.  I could have skipped shopping for all that stuff (some of which is kind of unneeded, to be honest.  What a brand new 90 baby bjorn carrier/  I got it and never used it but 2 times!)  So, try not to get wrapped up in the 'stuff'.  Your baby is the prize and that is all yours.  You will have your entire life to buy things for her.  She will get older and there will be a million things you will take pleasure in getting her because it will make her so happy.  This is just stuff she could care less about.  :>)  
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
90 dollar baby bjorn carrier that I got and used TWO times.  Wish I had my 90 bucks back!!!
Avatar universal
You can go to the store and exchange items for what's on your registry, but I honestly think that it's a blessing and a great relief of finaciall burden. Those things are not cheap and are only used for a short amount of time.
Avatar universal
Ok maybe yhuu need to go with them so yhuu can show them wat yhuu like cause other wise that's wat there going to do get the pride of ya chest nd if yhuu don't even have the money this is the time .. I'm a ftm nd my in laws are trying to do the same nd I told her when they go shopping I'm going with them point blank period
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I just want to say this too . . .   it is not like they are stealing your pleasure because I would imagine your father in law would rather be watching a football game than helping his wife pick out a bouncy seat.  :>)  They are doing it just to be nice, not to control you. So, maybe that IS the perfect solution for you to go as well.  Then you get into though . . .   things like what if what you like is 100 dollars and they see something similar for 75.  You'd have to be flexible if they are spending the money.  but you'd have input if you are there for your preferences.  :>)
Avatar universal
Go with them! My in laws did the same thing, even though we had the money to buy everything we needed they still insisted in buying stuff for us. I went with them or sent links from sites on what I would like and they paid for it. I hated it but they said no matter what they were helping us buy things for either our 2 year old or the baby. My SO told me not to argue cause I would lose. He knows his parents better then me so I listened. Now that all the baby stuff is bought our daughter always comes home with new clothes,toys and shoes when she goes to visit. I guess its just a grandparent thing..
10515800 tn?1419227034
My mother in law buys stuff all the time And I love it. Ask to go with them.
Avatar universal
@speaicalmom okay I'm sure she's thankful for everything their doing but seriously. Who wouldn't be a little upset if all the items they wanted to get there baby are what they want for them its her baby NOT the in laws baby. They should be considerate enough to at least go by her registry. It is taking the pleasure out of being a ftm if you can't even go with them or get the things you want for them. I completely understand where she's coming from because even though its a big blessing she gets help, that's her baby and its also her responsibility to take care of all those needs and wants not someone else's.
Avatar universal
I hate not bring able to pick the stuff. Tell them you would like to go or go to the store and write down a list of each thing you need with brand, color and item number if you have to. You can also take pictures and tape or staple them next to their name and description. Then just give them the list and say this is what I have left to buy. Babies don't really need that much stuff, most things in the store are just to get you to spend money.
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
Hm, if you say who wouldn't be upset?  Me. And a lot of other posters on this very thread said the same thing.  :>)  I'm just giving advice.  

It doesn't mean she isn't valid for her feelings but she was asking for opinions.  
973741 tn?1342342773
COMMUNITY LEADER
I agree with wyattsmom as well, you can be specific on what you've looked at online or in the store, you could go with them and pick it out yourself and what she says at the end ----  that some of the things everyone is told they need, they really probably don't.  :>)  It's also personal.  I got what people told me to get and some I liked and other things I didn't (that front carrier that was so expensive).  So, you kind of figure out too as you go that not everything sell is absolutely something you have to have or they use it for a tiny bit of time.  So agree with her.

And all the other ladies who understand that they wouldn't be thrilled to not pick anything out but that it sure would be nice to have a bunch of things bought for you too.  :>)

lots of luck to the poser . . .    you will have such fun as a new mama.  
10515800 tn?1419227034
I wasn't upset. My mother in law asked me what I needed. I told her and I didn't even get specific on color or brand really and she got my baby some really adorable things. Things I needed, big things that saved me a lot of money. She is in Boston and I'm in AZ so she just wants to feel like a grandma, she sends huge boxes of cute clothes, toys and things I don't Necessarily NEED, but I appreciate her wanting to help and I don't think there is anything wrong with people buying stuff. Are u gonna have a baby shower? That's kinda the same thing. Your letting everyone else buy u things? Believe me, letting them buy big stuff u need will come in handy and will save u a ton of money and the stress of having to buy it. :)
Avatar universal
I feel the same way love, I like the idea of being abl eto say that yes I did buy this for my baby, yes I did choose what my babies room looked like, I would love if someone offered to help me buy sone things for my little one, but I would make sure I was with them, being a ftm I want to get wrapped up in all the little things including getting ready for the baby and having everything that i need
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13167 tn?1327194124
Austin, TX
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