Advice

[caging_contessa]

Hi! I'm just looking for a little advice here, because my boyfriend (who is my baby father) and I are having a spat and I don't know how to make him see things. We're looking to move out on our own soon (both of us living with our parents). My car is out of commission and I'm waiting on it to be repaired so that I can get to a job (nearest being 10 miles from my house) so right now, he's the only one with a job. He's been staying at my parents with me, and because he works, he expects me to do all of the cooking and hurts my feelings when I don't want to. We're not engaged or anything, and I just don't know how to explain to him that I'm not a housewife.

[specialmom]

Couples have to work out their own things in this regard.  I have friends whose husbands are very hands on with dishes and cooking and cleaning. I wouldn't mind if my husband helped in those areas except . . .  ha, I realized I am a bit of a control freak.  I have to really keep my mouth shut when I see him loading the dishwasher the wrong way.  

My sister is also a stay at home mom.  Her husband does the dishes every night because she does the cooking.  He's their sole provider and he just believes he wants to help at home so does.  

That works for them.  What my husband and I do works for us.  

But when one of the party is unhappy, that is something you have to work out.  He wants you to do more.  And I do believe since he is the provider, he has a right to ask for that.  Then  you can work out division of labor between you two by talking about it.

I personally like a nice, kept, happy home where people are well fed, can find what they need because it is organized, and there is a peaceful feeling because it is clean.   That's how I envision home and I make it happen for my family.  You two may need to talk about how you envision home life.  

good luck

[ribaby15]

I worked full-time 8am-5pm (Monday-Friday) and took care of my 5yr old daughter
My (new ex) fiancé worked fulltime on the family farm.
Even though I worked, I would still come home, cook dinner, clean up after dinner, do EVERYONE'S laundry, clean the house, etc.
I sit at a desk all day, and when I was pregnant I still did those things, but if I'd ask him to help - he would.
My view was, he works a lot harder than me, and I was gunna need help when the baby came (although I lost the baby at 16wks).
I am 12wks now and we split up the middle of January and I just moved out, meaning nothing has changed... I'm still cooking, and cleaning, and doing laundry all for myself etc. But if I'm being honest, I miss doing that for another person because he was so appreciative of the fact I worked all day and still wanted to make HIS life easier by doing all the household stuff.

A relationship is a two-way street, in no way am I saying you should be doing all the work, but I mean... his ex was a stay at home mom and she didn't do ANYTHING, cook, clean, laundry, nothing. I didn't understand it... I still don't. lol.

[specialmom]

My husband is our provider and I do most of the home stuff.  I don't resent it at all because otherwise, I'm out working as well.  I get to be with my kids at home which is a fantastic opportunity for me!  So, I support him by making his home life great---  dinner, house cleaned up, etc.  That's our deal.  

Men who are the sole providers (and women) are under a lot of pressure.  I am a fan of being encouraging and understanding that if I am the at home person, I take on more of that responsibility.  

If you find a job and ARE working outside the home to help pay bills, then it is important so split labor of the house.

But I'd work these things out before moving in together or you two will be fighting al the time.  good luck

[KhaiK]

If he is the only one working to buy the food & clothes. Then I would say, cook and cleaning is the easy part. But I would rather be a house wife than the onebwhonis 8 months pregnant work 50-65 hours a week

[scillacts]

Girl I tell my husband I'm not a slave cz he expects me to be a Mexican woman or be  like his mom cleaning 24/7 & cooking 24/7 & im sorry but that is not me. I love to cook don't me wrong but not everyday.  We would constantly argue bout it & he eventually gave up that I wasn't gonna be cooking all the time. Once in a while he does but cmon who has to clean the house, the boys room, take both a bath, take & pick them up at school, help my oldest on his homework, & put them to sleep... me while he's at work. I'm a stay at home mom 24/7 & it's alot of work :/

[Blue9312]

My boyfriend works well over 40 hrs a week, normally around 60-90 hours I definitely don't expect him to do anything, I mean Yeah it would be nice but I'm not working so it's the least I can do while he's supporting me. Plus I don't mind doing the cooking and cleaning I've always loved to clean and cook, keeps me busy.

[abcde12344]

Your not alone my boyfriend expected the same and I said to him we share the load or it doesn't get done and he didn't belive me so I didn't do anything and he soon understood I wasn't going to do everything on my own