Friends (rant)

[briannaalovely]

When I first found out I was pregnant I was in total shock but shortly after the shock wore off I was so excited & happy that I was about to become a mother & my friends in the beginning were very happy & supportive. Which I mean why wouldn't they have been? I'm 22 with an amazing man who works hard to support us & I have a job & we have our own place.

But as time passed & the further I got into my pregnancy they slowly disappeared. The friends I've known since elementary school were slowly fading away, distancing themselves from me & I just didn't understand why. We use to talk every day, check on each other, go out to lunch & have girl days but those were all gone now & I wondered why, so one day I asked each of them & I got some really shallow answers & some real bull s h i t ones too.

One of my friends told me that I wasn't any fun to hang out with because I couldn't drink, smoke weed, or go out to bars with them anymore. Which really hurt my feelings that after years of friendship they'd just throw it away like that.

Another told me they just didn't have the time to hang out anymore because of college & work. (Which I would believe if they weren't posing photos of themselves partying every day on fb & ig)

It just amazes me how much a baby can change your life. I'm so happy I having my son because I wouldn't trade him for all those so called "friends" in the world. Because my son is changing my life for the better. I haven't even met him yet & I love him more than I've ever loved anyone in my entire life.

But when people told me you find out who your true friends are when you have a kid & that saying is 100% true! The friends I expected to be there left with out any problem & the ones I expected to run, stayed & have helped me out the most.

Sorry for my long rant, it's just been one of those days & I needed to vent. Maybe some of you ladies have experienced the same thing I'm going through & would like to share your thoughts.

[RockRose]

I wonder,  you must have had a friend prior who got pregnant.  At 21,  it seems at least one in your acquaintance circle must already have a child.

What happened to her?

That's what's happening to you.  You'll be so much happier when you reestablish your friendship circle with other moms and pregnant women.

[specialmom]

Ya know, I think it is more than the surface stuff.  But not as deep either.  (I know that doesn't make sense but I'll explain).  When we are in high school, we are all doing the same things.  We are all kind of at the same point in life for the most part.  When we then start leading adult lives, things become more apparent what the differences are between us.  Someone who stays in their home town, gets with their high school boyfriend, has a baby and works a job has a very different mindset than someone who goes off to college to pursue a career path or someone who sees life as where is the next party.  Or sees themselves as still a kid.  It's hard for people going in these different directions to relate to each other.  

Someone in college doesn't want to talk about home life and babies and working a 9 to 5 job to make ends meet.  Someone doing those things is less interested in the college party you went to and how you have lab and it is so hard you are really challenging yourself but your hope is to make 6 figures some day.  

Different paths mean different interests, goals, routines.  So, they are doing what interests them with people that are like them and you need to do things with people who are like you.  

You can keep in touch with them loosely and you may find yourself in the same place in life at some point again---  but until then, look for others entrenched in family life, motherhood, etc.  You'll be happier because you will be able to relate to them more and have more in common.  

And it doesn't mean these people don't like you to be at different points in their life.  They still like you, they're just preoccupied with what is going on in THEIR own life which is very different than yours.

I had a girlfriend that was a real bestie in high school.  She stayed in our city, married her high school boyfriend, got pregnant and worked a clerical job.  I went off to college.  I still cared about her and I'm sure she me, but we only saw each other once or twice a year because of our different life paths.  And now I have my kids and I have friends that never had kids and we don't get together much because I'm into family and they don't really share that interest.  It's the way life goes.

You'll make lots of new friends that are other moms, I promise.  good luck

[briannaalovely]

I never drank except on occasion but I use to smoke weed before I got pregnant but they just kinda disappeared. I can't wait for them to have their own kids and see how they feel when they do what they did to me happens to them

[MommyOfMandA]

The same thing happened to me. The worst part is, we weren't even 21 yet and my group of friends didn't drink or do any drugs so they didn't stop talking to me because I wasn't "fun" anymore since I still could do everything we used to do. They just stopped for no reason. To this day, I have one friend I talk to about twice a year and that's it. It's fine with me because I rather that I found out they were fake sooner than later.

[Beaz95]

Honey, I went through the same thing. One of my friends even went as far as to steal $275 from me on my wedding night! And she knew we could barely afford to live as it was. Having a baby does indeed teach you who your real friends are, and it weeds all of the fake people out of your life. I'll admit, I was hurt at first, but now that I have a matter of days before my son is born, I'm glad those people left then and not after I had my son. I don't need that kind of negativity in my son's life. Best of luck to you, Mama. :)