Am I overreacting?

[lilpeanut93]

So my boyfriend has now lied to me twice... And it's not over anything major but to me a lie is a lie, and when I try and talk to him and tell him I don't appreciate being lied to, he comes out with "well I knew you would have been mad if I told you the truth" as if I wouldn't be mad about him lying... I don't know it's just really frustrating that he doesn't seem to think he has done wrong...

[lilpeanut93]

Thank you, that does make sense. I just wish he would have just told me the truth because I may have been angry, but not nearly as angry as I am when he lies to me... I guess I just feel like if I can be honest with him even though he may be angry about the things I am telling him, I'm still honest. I just feel as though honesty is the best policy... But I do understand and respect what you are saying!

[specialmom]

Oh, and the reason I say that your own reactions and anger is involved in why he lies instead of his trying to hide horrible things from you is that you say the lies are over no big deal things.  So, he REALLY is just not wanting you to react in your usual way when you don't approve of something he does.  Little things may set you off a bit and he would rather not deal with that.  Not an excuse for lying but something for both of you to resolve.  If he's a good guy, it's worth letting little things go.  (and then he won't be so prone to lying.)  good luck

[specialmom]

Okay, here is the rough part of this.  You are right to be upset that he lied but he is conveying something for YOU to work on.  That's your reaction to things.  He doesn't feel open to tell you everything because perhaps you fly off the handle if he doesn't do what you like or does something you view as wrong.  He cares enough to not want to fight with you.  

My husband said this to me once.  I checked my own behavior and tried to make sure I wasn't presenting myself as an authority over him but rather my partner.  So, if I was angry, I would try to talk about it like I would with a girlfriend rather than getting super emotional and yelling or any of that stuff.  It really helped.  

good luck

[shadowkat1993]

And I don't think you're overreacting. I would be mad too

[shadowkat1993]

I swear a lot of guys change as soon as their gfs get pregnant!

[lilpeanut93]

Makes it hard to trust him... And we are supposed to be in this together like jeez it's a bummer.

[newbee18]

Not at all. Mine does it on an every day basis it seems