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Avatar universal

Our second child and he still acts like it's a horrible mistake.

Hello I'm 21 years old and I'm about to have my second child, with the same father. During my first pregnancy we'd only been together for under a year. It was to be expected that he'd have some anxiety about having a child so soon and young. But now we are pregnant again and have been together for almost for years in November. We both chose not to wear a condom during half of our sexual activity and ended up getting pregnant. And he's still making me feel like it's a mistake. Like somehow our child is a huge weight on him. I can't help but to feel hurt by this. He should want to help make this easier on me as well. I'm just as scared as he is, and he puts all the blame on me. What can I do to make him see this is a good thing?
2 Responses
1487854 tn?1488500213
Unfortunately, you can't. You both are still incredibly young in the parent world of things, and men develop at a slower rate than women do mentally. It sounds like he's all about being in the moment with sexual activity because it fulfills his needs in that moment, but he's not thinking long-term like you are. The fact that he is still around to help after your first child speaks to his fatherly character. He may have bailed right then and there, but he didn't. You weren't together very long and you experienced something some couples don't see for well into a decade of their relationship. He may be mentally thinking you both are moving too fast, and he may jump ship if the pressure becomes overwhelming. If he's not going to take responsibility for safe-sex and he doesn't want another child, and you want to continue to be with him, then it will always be up to you to provide the security of safe-sex. You clearly want to see a long-term future with this man, but it doesn't sound like he's truly ready to commit his entire life to you and your family in return. Strongly consider your future after you have this child. Avoid having anymore children until you both are on the same page and can plan things out. At this point, he may also be thinking about how financially straining two children and a girlfriend are, which is true.
Avatar universal
Bambily, I couldn't have said it better myself. You said so many things that I was thinking.
I see this happen a lot. Couples either use no birth control or just use it sometimes. And when a pregnancy happens the father is all upset. You're so right, if he wasn't ready for more kids then he should have used a condom every single time.
I read many of the posts in this community, and I'm the CL over the teen pregnancy concerns forum. I would like to know why so many young people are taking chances by not using birth control? Why are couples not waiting until they're stable in their relationship and their lives before having children. And why are so many couples not getting married? They say it's just a piece of paper. No, it's so much more than that. You make promises to each other to stay together through thick and thin.
I'm sorry if I offend anyone with these questions. I would really like to know the answers. It's not uncommon these days for girls to have several kids with several different fathers. I really want to know what happened to getting to know your partner, getting married, buying a home, having steady jobs and then having children. There are people who get pregnant and hardly know the person. Don't children deserve a stable home with 2 parents instead of getting shuffled around for weekend visits, or whenever the dad wants to see them? This is going on in my own family. I have 3 nephews who have 12 children between them. One nephew has custody of his 3 boys because the moms just don't want to be moms any more. The middle nephew has 5 kids with 4 different girls. He never sees any of his kids because he doesn't want to.
I'm sorry this is so long. I see too many kids suffer these days because people think it's no big deal to have sex without protection with people they hardly know. My concern is for all of these children. Look at what the original poster is going through. I know she feels bad because the father doesn't want the baby. But, he probably wasn't thinking about putting a condom on when it would have been so easy to do.
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Avatar universal
st. louis, MO
13167 tn?1327197724
Austin, TX
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