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Avatar universal

Stressing.... Need support or comfort? Don't wanna be in this mood :(

So. I'm 6months pregnant with baby #2. My daughter is 2yrs old. My husband works 5 days out of town. His job is threating to lower pay because of people getting over payed? Well anyways.... He has an opportunity to work with my dad and brother, he will be making decent pay to get us by AND he will be home every night and weekends off unlike his job now... He REFUSES to work with them even though it'd be so much easier to have him home since I'm by myself and then with this Lil boy coming soon. It causes a huge fight with us and I can't help but stress and cry because I just don't understand why he won't do it? I know him and my brother have had differences but why can't you put that aside since y'all have to deal with each other cause your brother inlaws? I don't wanna assume anything but I feel like he's making excuses cause he don't wanna be home..... Or his time is being spent with someone else.. I have never doubted him but that's the only thing that has been on my mind. And I have just been stressing so much and I just don't know what to do or how to go about it or am I over reacting ? What is it... I need help... Support... word of advice.. Something.. Please don't delete my post.
2 Responses
13167 tn?1327197724
We all have choices in everything we do.  When a man chooses to work 5 days of the week out of town away from his family when he has other options,  it's because he wants to be away from his family 5 days a week.  I really think you need to start the conversation with this mindset.

I don't know your story,  but if there's nothing keeping you where you are,  why aren't you living in the town where he works?  What are the factors that have separated you?
1487854 tn?1488500213
Have you two tried counseling? I know it might be hard to schedule around his impacted schedule, but it'll start a conversation between the two of you about where you are currently at in your relationship.

I could understand from his perspective not wanting to work with someone he has conflict with—regardless of the money and additional benefits. Consider confronting him about his work schedule and seeing if he would be willing to find something more local. However, if he's a truck driver, then he's inevitably in a bad field for having a close family unfortunately. You need to be able to have an open conversation with your husband without going on the offense and immediately accusing him of cheating. Obviously, this storyline isn't uncommon in those who lead double lives, but keep in mind that there's always a possibility for misunderstanding.

Look up methods for conflict resolution. There's plenty of techniques and methods out there on the web, but we found one at work that work really well. Open the conversation with , "I feel [insert feeling word. EX. hurt, alone, forgotten, unloved, frustrated, sad, etc.] because of your work schedule. Would you be willing to [insert need/want from your partner. EX. cut down on work hours, find something close to home, consider not working weekends, etc.]?" Wait for him to respond and reply. If you feel confused after his reply, state, "What I'm hearing you say is [repeat what you heard him say]. Is this correct?" Continue until you find resolution here. If he replies a version of, "No." to your request, ask for clarity and revamp your question to something better for the two of you. Continue this back and forth of "Would you be willing..." questions until resolution to your situation can be met. If it cannot be worked out between the two of you, then you should reach out to a therapist or a counselor. If he isn't willing to seek third party help, and you are unable to find resolution, then you need to come to the hard realization that you can stay and continue with the way things are, or you can uproot and go on your own. The endgame sounds awful, and it is—in the short-term, but what's beautiful and is that you can start again on your own in a new and loving relationship with your family. If you each find resolution that works for you, then that's even better! Best of luck!
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Avatar universal
st. louis, MO
13167 tn?1327197724
Austin, TX
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