just need to talk

[saramay2014]

I just need to get this out there n talk to someone.... im 32 weeks, the whole pregnancy my bf has been very distant, not involved in the baby, not involved in me, he hasnt helped out n has been jobless. He just now got a job, wont tell me when he starts, he was suposed to spend time with me lastnight sence its the weekend and thats the only time his daddy will let him see me, he said all day he was commin to get me, last thing i heard was that he was just gunna stay with me. That was at 10, i fell asleep n its now 11am n ive been callin all mornin n texting yet he wont answer me. Im really gettin tired of his ****... i feel like hes just playing a game, he says he loves me but hed try more if he did. I talk about us takin a break and he begs me not to he says he dont wanna loose me but what am i getting out of this relationship? Being Hurt, lonely, upset, dissapointed, unhappy, n let down. I really just dont know what to do anymore....

[specialmom]

Oh lordy, I read when you said you were 32 weeks that you were 32 years.  LOL  Sorry.  Okay.

Well, I'm glad you have a job for your future job that pays well.  Minimum wage jobs aren't enough to live on these days so you have to kind of think beyond that for jobs and it sounds like you have which is GREAT.

So, honestly, he just doesn't sound into any of this hon.  And yes, he sounds like he is a whole less mature than you.

Just make your plans for you and your baby and quit accepting his crumbs.  It's not his dad's fault that he isn't there for you.  HE is making choices at 21 years old that make him not there for you.  

Just back off of him and think about the baby.  Like you said,  no one is helping you or is going to help you once the baby is here---  including HIM>  so let him be and go on with your life.  good luck

[saramay2014]

One... im only 18 lol hes 3 years older than me. Im going to get a job working for the electrical union once i can next year, its a great paying job for life.. my grandpa has connections to get me in. Ive been looking for cars but with no income its kinda hard especialy with the baby cause i gotta get things i need for her and with no help its hard. I just now got a text from him n he hadnt been talking cause agin his dad took his phone. I know im younger than him but gosh i am way more responcible and grown up than him. Ive been raised that way and have never really been a child per say except at maybe 8 and younger. Maybe thats why we are having this problem?

[specialmom]

Oh, and it is no problem to vent about the same problem ---  I wasn't implying that.  Just that at some point, you'll have to change what you're looking for from him or you will forever be disappointed.  good luck

[specialmom]

Well, I'm going to give you my absolute from the heart advice.  Your focus needs to be how to get into a better position in life.  Finding a job, finding daycare for your baby once here, getting yourself a car that you do not share, etc.  Those are the things that are essential right now.  I'd THROW yourself into those things.  This guy is 11 years younger than you and in a different place in life.  He's a boy.  He is taken care of by his family and doubtful he'll be self sufficient any time soon.  I'm sorry to say that.  Your goal is to BE self sufficient yourself.  You can't make him be a man but you can make yourself be a strong woman.  NOW is the time sweetie.

Waiting for him to get a ride over to your house to spend some time on Saturday night is the least of your concerns.  It's easy to get wrapped up into worrying about such things but in reality, you've got much bigger things about to happen to you.  

I'm just being honest.  Get your life going with the job and if you aren't in a position to get a well paying job right now, then enroll in school or college to get trained for something that you can make a livable wage at.  

Then, this guy may show up.  Or he may not.  You gave him a chance to grow up but he hasn't in 4 years.  He may be one of those people who NEVER grow up.  So, do what YOU need to do to have a good life with your child any way.  good luck

[saramay2014]

I know i post about this alot its just i have noone to talk to, its like this every week... ive been holding on for months now. Im with him cause we have been together for 4 years and i now being pregnant have been trying to give him the chance to change for our baby. Hes only 21.... i share a car with my grandpa but have been out of a job :(

[specialmom]

Sorry, I hit post too quickly.  He really sounds like a child.  Is he close to 30 in age?  And he's been jobless, has no car, only has a phone when his dad allows it?  That's stuff of teenagers and not a grown man.  He does not sound interested in making much effort to BE an adult which includes being an active partner or father to a child.

I'm sorry about that because I know you really wish it/he were different but it does not sound hopeful that it will change.  I'm sorry.  wishing you luck but make your plans for life and caring for this baby not really including him.  He's probably not going to be around much.  Do you have a car and work and stuff?  

[specialmom]

The moderators will move things that are not related to actual pregnancy out of that forum so that pregnancy questions get answered.  they try to keep things in the 'right' forums.

I've answered several of your posts on this same subject.  I know this is at least the third of forth time.  This happened last weekend too, right?  

I, again, can not for the life of me figure out why you are interested in this guy.  He's doesn't seem to offer much of Anything to you.  Almost nothing.  

[saramay2014]

No i dont want all this stress but i dont think its gunna get better either way, if i leave him i will be alone 100% of the time insted of 90%... n then ill worry about weither hes gunna change or if hes gunna come back or take me back. Worry about being single and raising the baby alone (which i already worry about) ugh i hate this so much

[Bayleee]

Yea I know what you mean. Well maybe try going over to a friends house. Also just tell him you want a break the hell with what he says. Maybe after the back y is here you can see if he's straightened up any. You don't need that kind of stress right now. Too much stress can make you go into early labor. Wouldn't want that.

[saramay2014]

Why do people move this kind of stuf to this fourm! Nothing gets answered here!

[saramay2014]

I live with my grandpa but he dnt really understand ya know... he says i should just leave him

[Bayleee]

I know how you feel. Believe me. Im 32 weeks as well. The only difference is that I live with my bf and his aunt. But although we live together its not what you would think it is. He does nothing for me. Literally. I need new bras, etc, but he don't care. Thank God I am on food stamps or else I wouldn't be able to get nothing to eat. My bf also has been jobless my whole pregnancy and JUST got a job. Now he always yells at me and tells me I'm a p.o.s. cause I ain't got a job. I take so much verbal abuse from him daily and its not healthy for me nor my son. But I can't do nothing right now cause I have nowhere else to go. You just gotta stay strong girl and keep your head up. Do you live with anybody? Or do you live alone? If you live with someone try to talk with them to keep your mind occupied. If you live alone, try going and hanging out with a friend or even a family member to keep your mind off him.

[saramay2014]

Woops

[saramay2014]

I do but he still does nothing, i talk to him all the time about it and feel like my words just go in one ear and out the other... he never listens to me and i feel like this relationship is one sided almost all of the time

[bryleefulk12]

I've been there and done that. But when my baby's father used to do that, he was cheating and doing drugs, not saying your man is. You need to do what's best for you and baby, stay strong!

[saramay2014]

I do all the time but nothing is getting changed :( im just so tired of it

[redemi]

I would tell him that he hasn't been committing his fair share of the relationship and that you deserve better than his crap. Give him examples too.