baby shower drama

[KhaiK]

Story: I spent about $2,000 on my baby shower, invited 200 guest, and we received 100 rsvps. So we anticipated 100 people showing up. Here is my thing, why RSVP if you are not going to come? There was about 40 people at my baby shower and about 6 bad *** kids.

Question: Should We reach out to people who did not come? Should I be mad? It was mostly my fiancé family, should I mention it?

12 days until my due date!!!! Im furious

[ribaby15]

I'm the same way with birthday parties. At first I was ALWAYS the mom to bring her to EVERY party ANY of my friends had for their kids, even if we weren't close.
Then, over the years, when I'd invite them, they'd either tell me they were coming, and not show up - or say they can't make it. 3 yrs in a row.
So, this past weekend, my good friend had a birthday party for her kid, I told her I was coming, and I didn't show up.
I never got an apology for all the times she missed my daughters, and I went to her kids birthday etc.
It's common courtesy really... I feel bad I said I would go and didn't. And I had a valid reason after all (I lost some of my mucus plug that Friday and Saturday night so I was told to rest, i'm only 19wks), but she never justified missing my daughters so I haven't spoken to her since.
I'm not planning my own shower, and I doubt any of my low-life drunk 'friends' are going to throw me one, but we plan to get most stuff second hand anyways. So it's not a big deal.
I do have to agree though, $2,000 is WAY too much money for YOU to spend on YOUR OWN baby shower, like the other replies say, it's a time that YOU should be showered with gifts.

[RockRose]

Sorry,  that came across as overly harsh.

I meant it much more kindly,  as in,  it seems like rules use to be followed and you could count on being able to follow them and know what to expect from others,  because they followed the rules too.  

In a community where people decide rules are a nuisance and a bother,  and no one follows them,  things like this happen and feelings get very hurt.

[RockRose]

This is what happens when people decide etiquette rules don't matter,  and everyone should basically just do what they feel like without regard for accepted standards.  

khaik. if you don't care about and adhere to the rules,  it's unlikely your friends and family will care about them either.  

If you yourself really don't care what's proper and correct,  they will take their cue from you and assume it doesn't matter if they behave within the standards, either.

Sometimes hosting your own baby shower and kind of going "over the top" on the venue and guest list works well - word kid of gets out that it will be a fabulous party and one they'll want to change plans to attend.   Other times it doesn't work - and if you're hosting your shower and inviting people who really don't have any emotional attachment to you and the baby (or to your mom,  or to your fiance,  or his mother,  etc.,  they're just guest list filler) they won't feel obligated to show up if they respond.

I know I sound like I'm harping,  but this is the joy of living in a society that has standards and people follow them.  If you RSVP,  show up unless something truly unexpected and unavoidable happens.

[specialmom]

I agree.  For my wedding, it was over 100 per head for food and drink plus all the other expenses.  It was expensive.  (I wish we would have eloped and had that money back!).  We had people not show that had rsvp'd.  Such is the nature of events . . .  sometimes things come up.  

It's a baby shower.  I know it is important but by the same token, I've been to so many.  Probably never a 2000 dollar one though.  :>)  What the heck girl, you could have spent that on baby items and not needed a shower!  

Try not to get too upset, it's not worth it.  Humans are flawed and can be rude without thinking about it.  Forgive and forget and go on to enjoy your exciting event of having your baby!  good luck

[diachong]

No don't scold people for not coming to your baby shower lol no one is obligated to come to your shower, yes it's rude that over half of the people who RSVP'd didn't come but a lot of people RSVP if they're unsure if they can come or not so you are prepared for the right amount of people in case they do come. In my opinion 200 people is overkill, a shower is a time to celebrate with your closest friends and family and I doubt you and your fiance are that close with 200 people. And $2000 is a lot to spend on a shower, not trying to be rude, but no one told you to spend that much lol. I know you wanted your shower to be nice, but that could've been spent on the baby. I had a really nice shower yesterday with 40 guests and spent about $600 and that was way more than I wanted to spend. If someone close to you said they would come and didn't then I might mention it to them, otherwise don't, it's not worth it to get upset

[EverythingN1]

With any event that causes the need for a headcount of people, it is a common occurrence and expected for people to RSVP and not come. To be frank; 200 people is very excessive and even with a RSVP list of 100, you should have only expected people who are truly close to or know you well enough to come. (Based off the assumption that most people cannot call 200 people their good friends and family.) Acquaintances, people who are seasonal in your life, long distance people both geographically and relationship wise; including casual friends/family are not people to put all of your faith in. Like MommaJackson said, if there were people who did not come that are truly special to you and the feelings are mutual, then you should say something. Maybe something came up and they will gift you later. It happens. I'm really sorry that you spent $2,000 on your baby shower; that's a big no-no and an unfortunate loss. A baby shower is just one special day out of many, and that kind of money can go to so many other things for a baby; even if money isn't an option. Hopefully the people who missed out will check out your registry and gift you soon to make up for it. :-/

[sydneysmommy11]

I had a bunch of people rsvp and didn't show up to my baby shower either and alot of them are pregnant now and I'm not going to theirs because it hurt my feelings don't say one thing then when you see me make up a lie why you didn't come and then ask what do you want me to get you

[Honna1]

I had my baby shower yesterday and none of my husband family showed up and a lot of people that rsvp'd didn't show up but the liked and commented on the pics I posted I cut them off I didn't respond I felt like don't tell me your coming and not show up or let me know your not going to make it so I understand you on being upset.

[MamaJackson0522]

Just be grateful for who could come. Yes it's unfortunate people rsvp and don't come but it happens. You never know what happened and it's unnecessary now to make an issue out of it. $2000 should've never been spent on the BABYSHOWER in the first place honestly. I'm sorry you wasted so much money but the point of a babyshower is for people to shower you with gifts for the baby but with $2000 that wouldn't be necessary. If there's specific people that didn't come that bother you then I would reach out and say something (best friend, mom, cousin etc) but not everyone