need a bit of advice.. (sry it's long)

[Octmommy2015]

So my boyfriend and I were only together for about a month before I got pregnant(it definitely wasn't planned) I've already decided to keep the baby no matter what, but I'm really lost. He has two twin boys from a previous relationship and they just turned one, but I've been the only one really taking care of them, feeding them, changing them since I moved in, and when I try to get him to , he has no patience with them and only gives them bottles instead of taking the time to feed them even though they're approved for soft solids. at first I didn't think much of it but I've started to really be bothered by it since I don't want him to slack and hold back my baby's growth this way. Also he just like won't get a job thetwins mother pays a little to him but with another baby on the way it just won't be enough to live on like he does now. He'd rather I work and he take care of the kids.. also  I've been really home sick for where I moved from before we got together but I feel bad about the idea of leaving him (the relationship isn't holding up) and going home to have this baby and him moving back with me isn't an option... what am I to do??? Pls help...

[specialmom]

Hi there. Well, he can fight for visitation but you can document why you don't want that (why a CPS report is good!!!).  He can't make you move anywhere.  Now, they will go after him for child support (there is a minimum that all owe if they don't work or have very low income--  in my state it is 160 a month) if you are to go for government assistance.  It helps if he is not on the birth certificate and if you have some kind of proof of his lack of parenting skills.  He sounds the type that he may be in shock first but not fight you when he finds out he has to pay child support if he tries to claim visitation.  

File that CPS report and document all his short comings with his current kids so that you have proof of why he should not have any type of custody of your child.  good luck

[Octmommy2015]

If I move home then I will not be putting him on birth certificate, does he still have rights can he fight for custody and make me come back even if he's not on the birth certificate?

[specialmom]

I know it is hard but I think in the long run it will be worse for you to stay with this boyfriend.  I worry about his work ethic, parenting and in general, how he handles things.  you didn't know, you got involved quickly and went straight to pregnancy.  Talk to your family and they may be more supportive than you think.  I just think you have to think big picture. Then have a plan for how you don't have to depend on anyone for you and your child such as going to school (grants pay for most if not all of it if your income is really low)---  so that you can get a job that will give you a good enough income to be on your own.  

DEFINATELY talk to the mom of the twins.  by your account, you are the one caring for them and this relationship isn't working (you as the unpaid nanny).  They can sort out child care.  You are not doing the wrong thing to look out for the twins AND yourself/ your baby.  good luck to you

[Octmommy2015]

My other fear is hat my dad will not want to let me move home he was angry Keith me for moving here and complained about having tols.susport me while I'm here and I told him I'd be fine but if I move home it will cost everything I have and I will need his support...

[Octmommy2015]

The twins mother is in the picture. She has primary custody of them but she works so she as him to watch them because daycare for both of th would be twice what she gives him. She wants to put them into daycare but he would need to get a job and split the cost with her. If/when I leave, I will sit down and have a very serious talk with her about not having him watch them. I just feel like doing this will be b***** of me...

[specialmom]

Yes, I totally agree.  

It saddens me that this pregnancy happened so quickly so that these major concerns about him weren't probably apparent yet.  I think you will be better off going back to your parents or raising your child on your own.

I would do two things when you leave---  first, is there anyone related to your boyfriend that could care properly for the twins?  This would be someone like his mother, their mother's mother, a sibling??  I would make a call to them regarding the care of the twins and that it is not okay how he is providing for them. THEN, I'd call child protective services.   I'd video tape anything you can as prove.  I'd take an inventory of food offered to the kids, parenting style if it is too harsh or neglectful, etc.  and I would file a full report for their sake.  This is a hard thing to do but I so worry about them being left in his care.  He's not equipped emotionally, financially or intellectually to be a parent at this point it sounds.  I agree that I would not want him handling my own child in any way.   It's very sad.

why are the twins mom not in the picture?  

[Octmommy2015]

Thanks rockrose, I know you're right but I feel guilty, how can I leave without feeling like a  b**** for doing it?

[RockRose]

Octo  he's not appropriate as a full time caregiver if he's too lazy to feed his one year old boys.  That's pure and out and out laziness,  if he's there all day long and can only be bothered to give them a bottle.  

And he won't treat your baby any better than that -

I think you should move back home and start your life alone.  If you leave your baby with him during work times,  your baby will get even less care than the twins, because now it will be 3 he's not willing to take care of,  not just the 2.

[Octmommy2015]

Bump