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Avatar universal

does my pregnant girlfriend hate me or is it hormones?

hi. me and my fiance used to be so loving we moved in together pretty quick we done everything together and loved each other more than anything, we decided to try for a baby and looked forward to marrage and being a family, she fell pregnant and is 3 months pregnant yesterday, the last 3 months have been so hard, it seems all her love has died she wants nothing to do with me anymore she packed my bags and threw me out 5 days ago, i havent seen her for 3 days i rang her phone its turned off i ring her mams, she answers but has told me not to ring no more i havent seen her for 3 days i told her today how much this is killing me and i havent eat or slept, she told me she has been fine :( ,its as if she just turned her feelings off over night and there is nothing i can do or say to change her mind she says she doesnt want no one else and we wont split up completely i can still see her now and then but i can never move back in with her, she says its not her hormones making her like this (but i think it is as she was never like this before) she says she does love me but she cant stand to be around me i cant talk to her or she will walk out i cant kiss, cuddle her nothing, when i tell her its upsetting me she laughs in my face, she says she doesnt know why she feels like this she just feels it,she wont go nowhere with me, not even to the shop, she dumped me on valentines day and didnt care about her presents or look at her card, i have tried everything i can to make her happy but it seems she is getting angrier every day, when will this stop i want my loving caring gf back, i love her soooooooo much i know it must be hormones she cant just fall out of love with me like that we were soooooo close, its killing me has anyone pls got any advice on why she feels so angry, she seems to have no interest in the pregnancy at all, and doesnt even want people to know im dying to tell people, i know its not her and it must be something to do with her hormones or something as we both wanted this soooo much, she was never ever angry i never seen her angry once before she got pregnant, will this anger and hate wear off will she ever come back to me, we went to our 3 month scan and i really thought it would put a smile on her face, her only reaction was to say to me "im suprised its still alive", it seems everything she says to me is aimed at breaking me, and im completely broken, if it is hormones when will they settle down a little? it as if she went from being loving, affectionate and caring, to having nothing for me. It's as if all of her love for me died, and it's killing me inside,  I love this woman more than anything, and can't wait to be the father of her child, but I don't know if I can handle the hurt I feel on the inside anymore. This is breaking my heart, and I am a complete disaster, can pregnancy really be this difficult? What can I do? I am completely lost.
31 Responses
1128483 tn?1277343886
Yes, pregnancy CAN be that difficult.  Did she have a miscarriage with her other pregnancy?  

I was pretty bad with our first pregnancy, so bad that it made DH not want to have another child.  I wasn't AS bad as she seems to be, but to DH it seemed he couldn't do anything right and I was always upset, etc.  We decided to try again, but then had a miscarriage.  Now I"m pregnant again and have been much worse than the first time, on top of the hormones, I've got the scare of loosing the baby as well.  If she lost a baby in the past she could be scared to death of the same thing happening again, and the added hormones that just make her insane its just icing on the cake.

My best advice is to try not to bug her too much, and be there for her, continue going to the dr's apts (as long as she lets you), and make sure she know's your still there for her.  I don't know how much good it is, but have you talked to her mom to see if she know's what's going on?  I know it may be aquward talking to her parents, but they may be able to give you some incite of what's going on with her with out bugging her too much, and her parents will see how much you care about her.  Also, if she's 3 months, she's just entering the second trimester, from what I remember that's the best part, the hormones don't make you AS crazy, etc.  (although they are still there, just not AS strong).  Then the third trimester is slow and feels like crap because your ready for it to be over.

Good luck!
689528 tn?1364139441
That must be devastating!! You sound so heartbroken!
I know pregnancy hormones can be crazy but it sounds to me like she's one step further. It sounds like her empathy towards others has been completely shut off and she's distancing everything that has to do with her being pregnant.
I know when I first moved in with my now husband...we did not get along for a while! It takes some getting used to. It sounds to me like you need to find out what the problem is...does she even want this baby? If she's acting like this now...how's she going to be when it's born? She needs to talk to you...not just throw you out and that's that!
676912 tn?1332816151
Don't completely ignore her, but maybe give her some space. Maybe she thought she really was ready for a baby, but she might be freaking out about it now. Just give her time and maybe she'll come around. And like cocacolapanda said...try talking to her parents, or when you have a chance to talk to her, ask her why she's suddenly had a change of heart.
Avatar universal
her mam just says, only us 2 can work it out :(
Avatar universal
she has had miscarriages in the past 3 i think, she has a severly disabled daughter with her ex so she maybe worrying about that, she always tells me that she doesnt feel right in this pregnancy and doesnt want no one to know because she not ready to be the centre of attention, she says if she knew she was gonna feel like this then she never would have gotten pregnant :(
Avatar universal
when she first fell she was so happy picking names etc now she never ever mentions it, and she stopped smoking / drinking etc but now she smokes just the same and she goes clubbing every friday night with friends :(
676912 tn?1332816151
That could be part of her problem, the fact that she's had three miscarriages and a disabled daughter...she may be thinking it'll happen again either way.
Avatar universal
will her hormones settle down soon she is 3 months and 5 days pregnant?
1205562 tn?1304118842
Her hormones may not settle down till after she gives birth... but she doesn't hate you!! I had the same problem with my hubby, I'm a very loving wife when I'm not pregnant, but as soon as I am pregnant I turn a little bitchy... ok really bitchy! My husband just knows now, "it's my hormones" and my best advice, just hang in there and try not to pisss her off. I'm sure she's also a little worried about her baby, since she's had such a stressful history.

1123420 tn?1350564758
Hey I'm so sorry your going through this.. Pregnancy can be the most terrifying thing a woman has to go through. And Its just worse if theirs been bad things that has happened before.  For the simple fact that she wanted this baby, then I'm sure she still does, ans the first trimester is the scariest for miscarriages and now that shes out of the third trimester you can try talking to her, let her know that her changes of a miscarriage have went down by a lot now, and she can be okay.  And tell her you'll support her in getting any test done that she can for the baby.  keep being there for her. Keep telling her you love her.  Is she drinking while shes at these clubs? Cause if not, its okay to go out and have fun.  I don't like the fact that she is smoking though, How many a day do u know?  I know so many people that smoke during there pregnancy.  I am 30 weeks pregnant right now, During my first trimester, I was so afraid of something happening, I was so mean to my fiancee, but I was also very very ill from morning sickness, which can make your attitude a lot worse. Do you know if she is going through morning sickness?  I quit smoking when I found out which was really hard on me cause I smoked for 10 years before I got pregnant.  And I drank at least a couple beers everyday. So its been really hard on me.  I still don't drink but i have maybe one or two cigarettes a month.  Which isn't bad at all.  She is now in the second trimester.. Giver her some space, let her get used to the fact of being pregnant again. Let her come to you when she is ready, but still keep checking on her and doing as much as she will let you.  Even though she is really worried and upset, she loves you still, when you get pregnant with a baby by the man you love that love gets bigger and bigger, it doesn't disappear. Is the father around for the first baby? Maybe shes testing you to see if your stick with her through everything, so she knows she can trust you... Good luck and keep us informed.
1102290 tn?1278503553
I am so sorry for you - reading your post has really made me think about how I am treating my current husband and how I treated my ex.  Not that we should use the excuse that we are pregnant to be complete *******... but sometimes our emotions are so out of whack we have little control over them.  When I became pregnant with my second - I turned off emotionally - I was such a loving wife and mother with my first (daughter) but for some reason I just became unhappy during my pregnancy with my son.  I needed someone to talk to  and I did not do that and things fell apart with my husband.  Since then I have remarried and I am pregnant with a little girl... and I know this can't be true but I feel - AGAIN.. I FEEL...that I felt different mentally and emotionally when I was pregnant with my son.. like I was allergic to testosterone or something.. I know it sounds silly.. but I honestly have been living the last 5 years a little sadder than I use to be.. much more cynical...a little more aggressive It has been better for the last 3 but the first 2 during and after his birth.. I was not me... but for some reason now I feel like I use to.. calmer, nicer, happier.  My thoughts are it might be some sort of chemical imbalance egged on by the pregnancy... now is not the time to dicuss it with her.. but giving her space and continuing on with your preparations for the baby might show her the light.  Worse case senerio - you are the father and have rights... legally... soon enough she will show - friends will comment that she should not be clubbing, drinking and smoking.. hopefully then she will come around... best of luck..
Avatar universal
she doesnt have any symptoms no ms cravings or nothing just this total anger for me 24/7 :(
Avatar universal
Don't worry bro ur not alone my girlfriend is on her second trimester and she still actin like she has no feelin ..:(but all I can do is hangin there one day she is going to relize it ..and come back to u can't show wicness bro be storng...fine something to do hit the gym u can get sidetract there very easy hahaha...:)good luck and congrats
Avatar universal
im 21 im so in love with my xgirlfrend we was so happy and i now she loved me but she fell pregnant 2 munths ago we broke up about one week ago but was *** far *** i new still in love she came and spent 3 days with me at my flat we made the most amazing love and she said i was just using her as a empty but i realy wassent im so in love with her i carnt sleep or eat she has realy broke my heart and when she came for the 3 days she told me on the 3rd day that when she kisses me it duse not feel the same anymore but then she kissed me and told me it was lovely and then kissed me again and told me it dussent feel the same again i now she has alot off stress been preggnant and i dont always make it better but is it her hormoness cass she said she only felt like this since she got pregnant and that she loves me but she is up and down all the time plz help me i dont now what to do i havent slept or eaten for ages im so in love with her i carnt evan think about uther women i need advice :(
Avatar universal
ay man, my gf broke up wit me cuz she shed she lost feelings.ciuples days later she find out she pregoz.she slept over times after she broke it off n used to kiss me once in a while i really dnt knw our stauts but now i give her choke space we bareky talk now.sometimes i feel like she realy lost feelings but i hope its jus her hormones but jus knw u not alone
1352892 tn?1338221505
I seems you are a really nice guy i do believe it could just the pregnancy when im pregnant (witch i am) i have a 0 sex drive i don't want to kiss cuddle or anything i don't even like sweet talk and i get offended really easy but also my b/f is a jerk but any way i think your girl will turn around after the baby is born
Avatar universal
Well, it seems i follow suit with plenty of you here.
My GF and I had the most amazing, beautiful, loving and involved relationship, we both said we were the best thing that has ever happened to each other... and at 41 and 38... we had some back ground to base that on.

Everything was amazing... Until she fell pregnant... we had disussed what we would do if it ever happened. She said she would have an abortion... i never suggested it, she did. I just said "Ok, so long as we have had the talk". Not but 1 month later, we find out she is pregnant. She was elated, aparently she had been trying for 3 years with the last partner. Anyway... we went through the rocky time as i did mention we had only known each other 3 months and was it a good idea?? We both tried to please each other... Then she left, said she was getting an abortion and the we were over... Well, we got passed that, i was happy she was having our baby and we were once again back on track.
She is a very very sensitive soul at the best of times, but having a hormone IUD sent her even worse.... seems being pregnant is doing the exact same thing. She is very quite and reserved, she does not do confrontation at ALL... which is great, but also very dangerous, as you never know what she has bottled up inside her.

She leaves me a couple of times during the pregnancy over the smallest things... one was just a silly comment... the other, i have no, we woke up, we made love, i ask her how she slept, she said terrible, i was up all night, i just can't see it working, sorry its over. BANG!! I was in total shock, she just instegetted sex, it was her idea.. then the minute its over, she dumps me.. in fact, it was right in front of another person... her friend.

We get back together after that... lots of work and i didn't think it would even happen... Ok, happy again, working hard together, then we go on a holiday for 2 weeks. Holiday was good, but we did have a couple of moments, one was when we were walking to dinner, she was holding my hand, but i couldn't walk on the path, so i let her hand go and walked next to her on the grass... after 20 seconds, she sits down and begins to sulk, then cry... Now i should of gone and cuddled her, but i really had no idea what i'd done and was just trying to snap her out of it and make her happy, dinner was only 1 minute walk away. Anyway, i walk off to the resturant and left her there, thinking she will follow (ok, big mistake)... long storey short, she goes back to the room and i was waiting at the restaurant. When i get back tot he room, she is in bed and very upset...

When we get back home, we are together for the week, she had started smoking a lot and i was worried about it and told her so.... She just told me, she doesn't stop me doing anything (true).. i said i was just trying to speak for a little one that didn't have a voice yet.
At the end of the week, she just dumps me.. she's she is happier and more at peace by herself.
Now i know i have told you bad stuff i have done here, but there is miles and miles of good stuff, always helping around the house, working for her, helping with her home renovation, being thoughtful, breakfast in bed for her every morning, with her pregnancy tablets and a cup of tea.

Its been 6 weeks since we had spoken, i had taken all her things back that were at my house (as she had asked).... Then i ring and ask to met up on Christmas Eve. she agreed, sheepishly. I turn up with a basket of christmas gifts for her and the baby and her dog, a card, a letter and some flowers... i know,its sounds i bit much, but i had secretly been buying her gifts during the year.

We had a good day... had a good talk, she told me she could go back, that she was broken and it wasn't all my fault (other passed relationships also hurt her)... we drank a bottle of wine and for an hour or two, she was her normal self, super happy, talking all about me and the fun times we shared, it was like old times again. She then invited me to her bed, just to lay down, she snuggled into me and rested her head on my chest, it was so nice to feel that bliss again. I told her i had forgotten how good this felt.. she told me she was thinking of the time we made love on my sun lounge. I said, hey stop that.... next thing i was horny and we made love. It was strange, she couldn't kiss me, but she was enjoying it so much, yet also had moments where her eyes were closed so she didn't have to engage in me.

We finished, both probably realised it should not of happened, we rested together, had a shower one after the other... then she was getting ready to go out... I said i better get going and she pretty much just said "by" from another room.... back to being cold and indifferent.

I understand the sex was the cause of any tension, i am sure she never meant it to happen... no doubt thought i might get the wrong idea.
I can also see that having sex at that time... just put us miles back.

5 days later, we speak on the phone about her home renovations... all is ok, i asked her if anything was wrong and she said it was starnge last time we met... I asked which part, she said the last part (ie, the sex)... I apologised, said i also felt bad. She said "Oh well" we had a try (not sure what that is meant to mean???)
I went on the say i had been thinking about everything she had to say that day and totally agreed with her, that we shouldn't be a couple. I went on the say "You must of felt so unappreciated at times when we were together".. She said it was ok.... she is just tired and the house is dragging on.

We spoke about the house and when the baby comes... she seems to feel a bit more at ease after the chat.... But she seems happy in her own little world of just her and the dog and her half renovated house.

I really hope she is ok... i would love to help her get it all done, but i now understand that is her "space" her indepentance and she must be left alone to live as she wishes....

It has taken me a long time to come to this understanding ( and a lot of heart ache, more than i have ever felt)... But ultimately, i support her decision, she has my best wishes.

Being at the birth is going to be strange i guess... but i will cross that bridge when it comes....

All i can say.. is it is such a pity, something so beautiful went so pear shaped, and it seems mainly over poor communication, some very sensitive hormones that i am sure she is not even aware of and some silly stubbness on my behalf.

It has killed what was once effortless and beautiful in everyway.
It really seems so weird to see 2 perfectly normal and loving people, that only want the same goal (to be happy, loved and a family) to now be walking away into separate lives.I do worry about the baby in all this... it seems she doesn't so much... or parhaps she just thinks it will be better this way.

Either way, it doesn't matter anymore.. that is the path she has chosen for her own reasons.

I just really feel for all those on these forums that i read about.. it is heart wrenching, all consuming and sometimes, breathlessly desperate...

But... it is what it is, you can't force it.. Only go with it.

Thank you for listening to my ramble
Avatar universal
Sorry, the above post should of said "she could not go back"..... i forgot the NOT.
Avatar universal
What do i do.. it seems like i can never say or do anything right now that she is prenant
Avatar universal
My boyfriend just Now started  putting me in my  place lol I needed it cause I was getting pretty bad..but hun if she's smoking and drinking..good chance she'll do that when the baby is here. I had an alcoholic mother and father..pregnant or not..putting a baby at risk like that is unacceptable hormones or not. At this point in time, you have to t think what is more important, you're gf or your baby. Try you're best to talk to her. If she doesn't want to talk then suggest that if she doesn't calm down you'll take some sort of action. My bf calmed me down allot when I told him to get out of my life because he hour green grapes instead of red :-)
Avatar universal
my girl to she has lost it she says she hates me and never want to talk to me but its out of nowhere i rele dont no what to do
Avatar universal
i dont no what to do
Avatar universal
like i touch her she gets mad  its hard to dael with
Avatar universal
Ik how you feel. My fiancé is 7 months. We were so happy an in love a month ago then a few days ago everything came crashing down. She told me she is unhappy and no longer in love with me. She left and went to her moms for a few day then I get a message saying she isn't coming home. We are trying to work things out but even when I do try she says it still isn't enough. She said she feels so helpless. Idk what to do. She has had a miscarriage before. I'm scared this is gonna stress her to the point where I lose her an our daughter
1601869 tn?1441314348
its normal, i was the same way the first trimester but once i got used to how everything was kinda changing i got over it, but i would deffinatly talk to her if u feel that alone, if shes not willing to talk you could always go see a theropist your self to let it out, and show her yr really into the pregnancy ask questions at dr appointments, ask her how she feels every once and a while thru out the day, if she is craving something bring it home from work if u can or ask of there is anything she would like, like a foot message or back message or even if u suck at it her toe nails painted or anything like that. try it and mayb she will relax more about being touched
Avatar universal
My girl friend did not want to talk to me when she was pregnant ,she stop visiting me ,she was not taking my calls, blocked me on FB. I was very worried then I approached her mother and explained everything to her, she looked at me and she said dont worry my boy I was axactly like her the difference is she is neturally a moody person since she is pregnant and hormones are rock sky up, she will be worse.Her mother adviced me to hang in ther and stop phoning her but I was always sending money to the mother for her to see the doctor. After giving birth she was a darling again ,loving, caring sweetheart.The only problem is when she fall pregnant again I must stand up for this. Well since i love her guess there is nothing I can do.
3145189 tn?1343161021
This brought me to tears. I'm a crazy bissshhhh to my man atleast 1hr of every day. But im trying to see past that. Could you please let the doctor know she's smoking and drinking???? If your ready to tell your family, I would. You need to establish a support system. As for her, she's being selfish. She probably thinks she needs space and it might do you some good in the end. She's bound to miss what she had at some point!
3837727 tn?1348672591
Sounds to me like a number of things. Anxiety due to her losses and disabled child. Depression, lashing out at loved ones(u and the baby), hormones can cause her not wanting to be around you bc youre male, and no kissing/cuddling bc her sex drive crashed and doesnt even want to be touched(like me but diff relationship situation). Maybe this time she is also feeling less attractive. Overall I think she has a lot of sadness and anger inside of her that has nothing to do with you, she doesnt know how to deal with it. My advice would be to back away just a bit so she doesnt feel more overwhelmed, but weekly still show her you are there for her and care about her and the baby. Maybe go at expressing your live and care at another angle, maybe treat her to a manicure/pedicure or massage, but let her go alone so she can try to relax and think in a more calm enviroment. After doing this a month or so, maybe see if she would be willing to take a family portrait with you, kind of lets her know she is still beautiful and that you still want to be a fam without using a bunch of words. If her mind is racing things u say, no matter how loving, will set her over the edge, too much to handle, and she will continue to shut down. I hope this helps, im sorry youre struggling right now. But given time she will go back to you if yalls love is as strong as u say. Best of luck!
Avatar universal
Hello, I understand that this post is almost 3 years old but I am currently going through the same situation and am miserable about it. I love my girlfriend and know she loves me but since she has been pregnant its as though she absolutely hates me. I was just wondering if it all worked out for you and if so was it just the hormones. I am just very scared for the future and want to be with my girlfriend and our child and become a family. I would greatly appreciate any help.
Avatar universal
Im going through very similar problems with my fiance right now,  i walk in from work and because she on maternity and due very soon shes always tired, anyways ill walk in the door from work and she says i. Gave her a panic attack? Just cos im on the phone tomwork or whatever. Shes always calling me names and stressing all the time, i cant win with her, she has tried finishing me a few times but by the night she has settled a bit and calmed down and appolagized, but by the time te snext morning comes and she takes her first daughter to school she is being nasty again, i really feel like she resents me and wants me gone i keep thinking its hormones but she seems soo deadly serious when she screams these things at me in anger, i dont know wether i should just leave until the baby comes and give her spade but i hate the thought of doing this as it brakes my heart now having her by my side every night and morning obvs or i would have never asked ger to marry me she is the love of my life and all i can do is hide in our room atm to gife her space what should i do?

James :)
Avatar universal
my friend my little boy is now 4months old and i miss them both so so much(im crying as i write this)1 week after he was born i literally went from being the best man and dad in the world to the biggest piece of **** ever to walk this earth in a day nd hasnt stopped since  she ripped me to shreds every day kicks me down were it hurts the most she is so cruel and uses the fact that i love her so much in her favour but against me its been insane what was meant to be the best time of life has just been torture it gets so bad that as perfect as my little boy is and as much as i love him that  i wish he wasnt born cause it just hurts to much and i cant get away from it cause i dont want to leave my little boy .doesnt matter what i do theres always something wrong when iv been the perfect dad and boyfriend the things i make or buy him she gives away i must give her the money so she can buy it.but she is perfect mom u must see them play together it makes me so happy but at the same time it kills me ..so i hope it gets better for u cause i wouldt wish this apon anybody im destroyed emotionally and mentally
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