how would you handle this

[missjune36]

my childs father hasn't been in my life my whole pregnancy I'm not complaining but a question Came up the other day and i was asked if I'm going to let his mother know that she have a second grand baby on the way. I feel that its his responsibility to let her know she is his mother! But my family and friends feel that my pregnancy and this baby is out of sight out of mind when it comes to him so he'll never let her know and they feel that I should tell her. my argument is I don't know this woman. I've seen her before, walked past her and she doesnt know who I am which means he has never told her about me after 3 years of knowing him a year and a half of being in a relationship with him. And spending a summer together trying to work things out.( this is where baby come from) and she still knows nothing about me so what would be the point I'm 36 he's 28 and we're both adults and I'll be raising baby alone anyway so how important is telling his mother, I just don't know the type of person his mother is. so tell me friends what Are your viewpoints on this matter?

[kj_skibum]

I responded via smart phone...."gushing" was suspose to be "judging". Don't judge the baby's grandma whom you do not know.At a minimum, get the family genetic background. Having some ancestry information on the dad's family would be good to.

Think about all the "adults" you have met in your life who carry emotional baggage from not knowing thier father's and thier father's families....If you cut them out and later when your kid is older finds out you cut them off without giving them a chance to be involved, your kid may resent you....IF you do the above you may forge a relationship that will later befit the baby or not....but if they want nothing to do with you and baby, you can be honest with your kid that you did your best to open the door.

Momma, it's no longer all about us or what we want....it's about doing what is best for our kids now, and for the future. Think Ling term impact vs. short term emotion.

Bless You!

[specialmom]

Well, it's sad.  She might have been a wonderful grandmother to your child.  But she isn't your mom to tell.  That is his job.  I would leave it alone. I know that is hard.  Maybe she will find out and want to be involved in some way (or help) but she raised a cruddy kid (your ex) so maybe that wouldn't be a great thing either.  good luck

[kj_skibum]

Ask yourself not what is good or bad for you based on your feelings toward the father, but what is in the best interest of the baby. I would first contact him and state you would like any family medical history he may have knowledge of. I would at that point let him know you will be contacting his mother, under the same pre-tense, to obtain genetic medical information that she probably has greater knowledge of. You need to follow through on this for your child.

Now, you have been gushing an individual whom you do not know....and she may know nothing of you. Quit preloading the outcome and give her benefit of doubt. Treat her with the kindness you hope she will show you.

Should anything ever happen to you, the father and maybe his family will have rights to this child. Forge good relationships where you can. Baby grows up and needs a kidney donation someday. ..it has dad's side if family too to look for a match.

Do what is in the best intrested if your child.

[LoveCake98]

You have zero obligation to the woman.  She is not your MIL and he is not your husband. You can choose to have a relationship with her but you are correct--it is his responsibility to tell his mother when the baby is born.  If u file paternity then he has to pay & he has rights to visitation with his child.  If you're in U.S. then your state may have grandparents rights as well.  You should investigate that possibility.