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TOTALLY OT LADIES, BUT I NEED YOUR ADVICE
Okay so where do I begin??? Um, well I got pregnant for the first time when I was 17. I now have a 16 year old son. I was very young and it certainly made my life harder, etc. Even though things worked out, I know how much I struggled and I hope my kids will take a different path. That is my goal anyways.
So fast forward.....My DH's sister just had a baby last week. I was kind of mad when I found out because I know she did it on purpose and was 18. But they just moved here from Colombia a year and a half ago, so her schooling was messed up so she was suppose to go to summer school this past summer and then go to school all this year and she could have graduated. Well, she didn't. So here she is just had a baby. Didn't finish her high school education. She doesn't speak English and had the baby on the system, a system that she has never paid one single tax dollar toward. Sorry, but that irks me.
So, where is the problem you ask??? I have a few actually. I am afraid that the family is going to make this baby everyone's problem or at least try to. And I don't mean to sound rude either but when I was even younger, I went to school and worked to support my son. At one time, I was working 2 jobs and going to school. I supported him w/ virtually no help or child support. I mean she did this on purpose without any thought as to how this baby would be taken care of. I could go into a lot of detail but it's just too much to type.
My other problem would be my own kids. I so badly want better for them. I hope they wait and find someone nice and have some type of education, whether it be a degree or a trade. I am just kind of concerned about how this may look to my very young and impressionable kids and although it happened. I mean we now have another addition to the family. Okay that's fine but I just want to teach my kids different and I'm not really sure how. I wanted to have a talk w/ them but don't really know what to say.
Am I making any sense ladies?? Please let me know what you think and what you would do......
So fast forward.....My DH's sister just had a baby last week. I was kind of mad when I found out because I know she did it on purpose and was 18. But they just moved here from Colombia a year and a half ago, so her schooling was messed up so she was suppose to go to summer school this past summer and then go to school all this year and she could have graduated. Well, she didn't. So here she is just had a baby. Didn't finish her high school education. She doesn't speak English and had the baby on the system, a system that she has never paid one single tax dollar toward. Sorry, but that irks me.
So, where is the problem you ask??? I have a few actually. I am afraid that the family is going to make this baby everyone's problem or at least try to. And I don't mean to sound rude either but when I was even younger, I went to school and worked to support my son. At one time, I was working 2 jobs and going to school. I supported him w/ virtually no help or child support. I mean she did this on purpose without any thought as to how this baby would be taken care of. I could go into a lot of detail but it's just too much to type.
My other problem would be my own kids. I so badly want better for them. I hope they wait and find someone nice and have some type of education, whether it be a degree or a trade. I am just kind of concerned about how this may look to my very young and impressionable kids and although it happened. I mean we now have another addition to the family. Okay that's fine but I just want to teach my kids different and I'm not really sure how. I wanted to have a talk w/ them but don't really know what to say.
Am I making any sense ladies?? Please let me know what you think and what you would do......
I completely understand where you are coming from! My little brother who turned 18 today found out his 17 year old gf is pregnant. It bogs down your brain with so many thoughts.
I also had my first right after I turned 19. I agree it is really annoying to watch teenagers who have babies and then don't think they have to be responsible. I've seen it go both ways with a few young girls I know. Your dh's family can be supportive without being SUPPORITVE you know what I mean? Help her out so she can go back to school not help her so she can sit around and not work to support her own child. If it was me.. I would talk to my husband and just tell him how I feel about the situation. Express to him why you don't want to set a bad example for your own kids. I know I don't want my daughter thinking that if she gets pregnant we will jump in and solve all her problems.
As far as talking to the sister in law I wouldn't. If your the only one telling her she needs to be responsible it's not going to make any difference, but that's just my opinion. I might be jaded because I very recently got into a HUGE argument with my SIL regarding her kids and now the whole family is feuding so...lol I may not be the best to offer family advice right now!
As far as talking to the sister in law I wouldn't. If your the only one telling her she needs to be responsible it's not going to make any difference, but that's just my opinion. I might be jaded because I very recently got into a HUGE argument with my SIL regarding her kids and now the whole family is feuding so...lol I may not be the best to offer family advice right now!
well you cant do nothing about her having a baby and you should not work yourself up about it. You have your own kids and your own life only do what you want to do for her, she is the one who had the baby.
I had my son at 19 and had to do a lot of sacrafices myself, i choose to work very part-time and go to school full time bcuz i wanted to be with my child and have somewhat a normal life. My sister had a child and worked full time and went to school full time, so basicly our parents raised her baby for about 3 years, you watching your child sleep for a few hours to me is not spending time with the child, but to each their own.
My son is 14, we have an open communication line, my parents was the same way with us. I try to use examples of people lives when im talkn to my son about anything in life, my son has condoms and no where to purchase them, i can only pray that he takes the information i have given him and wait for as long as he can, and if he doesnt, i pray that he takes precautions. He has expressed to me that YES he is curious and wants to try it, but at the same time, he says he thinks about all the negatives that could come from having sex. Im glad we have this open communication, kids these days are just doing what ever, compared to when i was coming up. I say, sit down with your kids, i would say have a talk with the girls together, then with your son, and also have your husband talk to them to. sometimes kids find it easier to talk to one or the other parent. You could either be straight forward and just start talking about the subject, or you could bring up an event about a teenager being preggo and ask them what they think about that and as the conversation progress ask them about thier sexual status and let them no you are there and that you are not going to kill them if they did it but you will be very disappointed and let down. What makes me nervous is my son is a freshmen and plays varsity b-ball and most of the players are seniors and juniors and he tells me how they are like you betta get you some sex b4 the game, so i no he feels the pressure, not to add one of his friends is active and he tells my son all the details, and the girl he is active with is friends with my son girlfriend, so it does not make it no better. I have given him all the lectures, had him look up diseases, had him demonstrate how to put a condom on a bananna, etc. I even used myself as an example of how i am stuck once again as a single parent and maybe i shouldve made a better decsion to see if me and the ex wouldve goten married, then ttc. It is so much easier to walk away from a relationship then try to fix the problem apose to being in a marriage. My parents started dating when they were mom was 16 dad was 18 and got married 4 years later and they are still together. Family is important to me and i hope i have instilled that in my son, and when he decides to be active that he wants it to be special and with a person he wants to spend the rest of his life with(which im sure he may be active way b4 that)
I can only say this is how i have interacted with my son and it seems to work for me and him, he dont even have those conversations with his dad. I also encourage him to talk to my brothers who dont have a lic of sense, they are 22 and 25, i just want him to get a different view, and im glad to say he thinks his uncles are stupid for their sexual expierments, but also he walked away with other info that may help him in the long run.
Good luck, let me no how it goes.
I had my son at 19 and had to do a lot of sacrafices myself, i choose to work very part-time and go to school full time bcuz i wanted to be with my child and have somewhat a normal life. My sister had a child and worked full time and went to school full time, so basicly our parents raised her baby for about 3 years, you watching your child sleep for a few hours to me is not spending time with the child, but to each their own.
My son is 14, we have an open communication line, my parents was the same way with us. I try to use examples of people lives when im talkn to my son about anything in life, my son has condoms and no where to purchase them, i can only pray that he takes the information i have given him and wait for as long as he can, and if he doesnt, i pray that he takes precautions. He has expressed to me that YES he is curious and wants to try it, but at the same time, he says he thinks about all the negatives that could come from having sex. Im glad we have this open communication, kids these days are just doing what ever, compared to when i was coming up. I say, sit down with your kids, i would say have a talk with the girls together, then with your son, and also have your husband talk to them to. sometimes kids find it easier to talk to one or the other parent. You could either be straight forward and just start talking about the subject, or you could bring up an event about a teenager being preggo and ask them what they think about that and as the conversation progress ask them about thier sexual status and let them no you are there and that you are not going to kill them if they did it but you will be very disappointed and let down. What makes me nervous is my son is a freshmen and plays varsity b-ball and most of the players are seniors and juniors and he tells me how they are like you betta get you some sex b4 the game, so i no he feels the pressure, not to add one of his friends is active and he tells my son all the details, and the girl he is active with is friends with my son girlfriend, so it does not make it no better. I have given him all the lectures, had him look up diseases, had him demonstrate how to put a condom on a bananna, etc. I even used myself as an example of how i am stuck once again as a single parent and maybe i shouldve made a better decsion to see if me and the ex wouldve goten married, then ttc. It is so much easier to walk away from a relationship then try to fix the problem apose to being in a marriage. My parents started dating when they were mom was 16 dad was 18 and got married 4 years later and they are still together. Family is important to me and i hope i have instilled that in my son, and when he decides to be active that he wants it to be special and with a person he wants to spend the rest of his life with(which im sure he may be active way b4 that)
I can only say this is how i have interacted with my son and it seems to work for me and him, he dont even have those conversations with his dad. I also encourage him to talk to my brothers who dont have a lic of sense, they are 22 and 25, i just want him to get a different view, and im glad to say he thinks his uncles are stupid for their sexual expierments, but also he walked away with other info that may help him in the long run.
Good luck, let me no how it goes.
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