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1270890 tn?1280637103

WHY ME? and WHY NOW?

Today is my 20th bithday. I am now 27w2d pregnant with a beautiful little boy!! His name will be Nathaniel!! Telling my parents was the easy part the hard part was telling the two men that i had been sleeping with.Let me tell you a little about the possible dads. The first one i was dating for a year off and on. He made lotts of money and kept me happy for a while. He now has lost his liscence for 5 years. He has a 4 year old son that he dosent take care of and hates the mother. The second possible father is a dead beat loser. I moved in with him when i first got pregnant. For some stupiddd reason i had decided back in december that i would try and get pregnant by him i though my parents would treat me more like an adult. I still took my birthcontrol pills and just didnt use protection.. In the middle of not using protection i missed a couple of my pills and was having sex with both possible dads.. Both whom i was having a sort of relationship with.. The second father( the one with no licsence doe not want or ever will want to claim the baby). Now im with neither of the men and i had decided to be a single mother.. Neither of them like me anymore and neither of them claim my son or even want to be involed they have both found good women and they are happy. About 2 months ago i met the most amazing man at a class i was taking at my local college. He is soo sweet and sincetive and he treat me really well. MY PARENTS HATE HIM!!! I have no clue why. They say it is beacause of his record, He has been arrested many times and has a pretty exstinsive record.. BUT.. he is now on the right path going bacck to school going to church and getting out of the bad life he ussed to be living.,, I cant tell my parents that i am talking to him because they has strongly told me not to see or talk to him they think hes like a murderer or something lol but he is very respectful to everyone... He dosent have a job but he is looking for one and he has two daughters who live in NY with their mother. One of the girls is his and the other one he claims as his cus the mother got pregnant while they were together..The thing is he wants to be in the dilivery room with me when my son is born.. ANNNND i want him in there too but my parents will cause such a rukus about it ..I truly love this man and i plan on marrying him..We have talked about it alott lately and he wants to adopt my son as his own... I have no clue what to do to change my parents mind about him i am soooo confused but i have to live with my parents and follow thier rules they pay my bills and buy me food and pay my medical bills and they will be helping me pay for the bAby when he is born...I want everyone to get ALONg I AM SOOOO confused i love my parents but i also love him... I want him in my life..

please give me any advice,,, Thank you :)
7 Responses
1194973 tn?1385503904
I agree with the others. You say you met this guy two months ago, and already you want to get married and have him at your sons birth. And he has a background with a record. Men change how they are often to get what they want. For example. My mom was with the man I call my dad for 2 years. He was the perfect guy. After they got married, he changed and became his true self. He was abusive, an alcoholic and was good for nothing. In the end it was my sisters and I who payed the price for my moms choices. Think hard before going into s relationship so fast. You need to consider your well being and more importantly, your sons. Don't get me wrong. People do change. My dad finally did. But you can't just assume he's who he shows after so short a time. Parents do have a tricky way of being able to see more clearly than we can. They're not being the way they are to hurt you. Trust their advise.
202436 tn?1326474333
You might not like my answer but I think it's what you need to hear.  

It sounds to me like you have some self esteem issues and gravitate towards the absolutely WRONG type of man.  I think you need to take a time out from relationship ...period!!  You need to get some counseling to find out why you go for these kinds of men (sugar daddies, deadbeats and criminals)

In order to be the best possible mother for your son you need to learn to respect yourself and hold higher expectations in your partner.  Not doing so could be detrimental to your sons outlook on life and how he treats women.  I really think you need to take a step back and work on YOU for the moment.  I think you parents are very concerned about you and have the best intentions at heart for you AND your son.  

I've been there, I wish I had taken the steps necessary to help myself before it got out of control.  

As for adoption, if this man has a criminal record he may not be ABLE To.  It might be wise for you to have a conversation with his ex (the mother of his biological child) and see what she has to say.  At this point it's likely she's not going to lie about anything, she has no reason to. Good luck, but please considering some counseling. I'm sure your parents will help you with it if you ask them.
1210716 tn?1297620883
I must say I sadly agree with LosingMyMind, I'm 20 years old as well and 27 and a half weeks pregnant as well! I'll be turning 21 just days before my babies due date.
I too am going to be a single mom, the father, my ex-husband is a total dead beat dad whom has another child with another woman whom he makes no effort to see and is just causing me more strife then good. He wants to be involved with this child yet he doesn't and it's horrible and complicated.
I too have had problems with dating the same kinds of guys it seems your interested in, and it all just leads to empty promises and tons of hurt. Especially now that you have a child in the mix their emotions will get wrapped up in the relationship as well, and you can't afford that around a guy like that.
I'm not saying this guy is full of empty promises, but I've come to realize parents are alot better of a gager of personality then we'd like to admit.
Take this time while pregnant and for the next little while to bond with your child, and to seek counseling to change your view on whom your attracted too in relationships. You deserve a loving man whom has a good job, has goals in life, similar hobbies, and will treat you and your son like royalty.
It ***** going through pregnancy alone I know, but in the end if you take this time it will make everything so much more worth while and will make you a stronger person in the end. Best of luck hun :)
187316 tn?1386356682
First off I'm just going to say... if you wanted your parents to treat you more like an adult you've definitely gone about it the completely wrong way. They will never view you as an adult if you are making bad selfish life decision and relying on them to be YOUR caregivers. You won't even be taking care of this baby THEY will. You already said they pay for everything for you. Like Losingmymind said and I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but you need to go and see a therapist. You need to get off your *** and get a job and support this child yourself and you need to STOP dating losers. Seriously. I've dated some crummy guys (and have a daughter with one them) and I think that right now you feel like no one is going to want you because you are pregnant and/or going to be a mom. After I left my ex I was a single mom for about a year and then met the most AMAZING man. He doesn't have a criminal record, he supports himself, he respects women and he has his life in order. I know that you are scared but don't just jump into the new relationship that comes your way... wait for someone worth while since its in the best interested of you and your child. Also, like pamela said, sometimes parents have a way of seeing people and situations better than you yourself do. Your parents want what is best for you and I think that you should really count on their opinion. Before I decided to seriously give my DH a chance I asked my parents for their views on him and I sent my dad off to lunch with him and not only did my parents feel flattered that their opinion mattered but they gave him an honest chance. If you want your parents to start treating you like an adult you are going to have to stop acting like a child. Harsh I know... but true. Parents really do know what is best.
1205562 tn?1554747006
Clysta said it perfectly... perfectly!!!

2 months is hardly enough time to really know someone. Those first initial sparks when you meet someone are very strong... and can make you fall hard! But beware... I had a similar experience with a guy I dated. After dating for about 2 months, I thought he was "the one" and then slowly I started noticing things that just weren't right. Sure enough, he turned out to be a real weirdo and a pathological liar. I never thought I could be fooled so easily. (lucky I was only with him 4 months when I realized) My point is... be careful! keep your guard up, and don't assume he's the one you want to marry just yet. Give it time,  and get to know him first...REALLY get to know him.

We all make mistakes, and some have harder consequences than others. Be thankful that your parents are being so supportive and helpful right now, and if you have to be a single mom, then you will be just fine! Don't rely on guys to support you... you CAN do it on your own. Furthermore... the guys you seem to be attracted to aren't the best characters from what it sounds like. Parents have a funny intuition about people... mine always did. They always knew the bad friends I had and they always knew the guys who were no good. In the end, I'd always find out the hard that they were right.

WHAT KIND of record does this guy have??? WHY was he in prison? These are very important things to know!!!

Good luck to you... either way you decide to go, you'll find your way...
1205562 tn?1554747006
Aside from my response above... after reading the other girls responses... they're all right girl! But in the end it's your life, and no mater what any of us say or anyone else says, its up to you, you're gonna do what you want anway. I just hope you make the best decision for your son.
1139097 tn?1271194437
Consider adoption...and I don't mean adoption by the new criminal...I mean guy in your life.  Maybe I'm being harsh and insensitive, but all I can think about is how unfair it is for this innocent child to be born in this situation :o(
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