43 years old pregnant , still unhappily married, prego w/ bf baby

[sbbz182]

I'm newly pregnant about 4 wks here's issue,
I have been legally married for 17 years but for the last 7 years not with "ex"husband at all. We live together in separate rooms because I want to raise my 4 older children and can't afford a divorce since all our assets are tied together. I've been with another man for the last 4 years privately and in love .. Next year I was planning to take action and make things happen as in divorce papers .. But I have become pregnant now and its a big mess, Bf and I want to be together and planned to wed in a couple years But now things have been put into hyper speed

Anyone have any advice legally or other?

[Madisonsmom1]

When I got pregnant with my first, I was also living in a spare bedroom of a house I shared with my husband. My bf and I got pregnant on accident so I also had to work on hyper drive and high tail out of the shared home. In IL the law states that if you're married and pregnant the husband automatically is assumed the father and gets legal rights to the baby. It was very important to get a divorce before the baby came and my lawyer had to be very careful with the wording in the papers to say that the baby was not my husbands. You should talk to your bf immediately and figure out a new living situation. Good luck, I hope things work out for the best for you

[sbbz182]

To all ..Thank you
I appreciate the feedback

[mw89]

Ya I was told since i am pregnant with another mans baby they will move my divorce also fast because we have the right to be married to my baby's father by law here. I would try and talk to a lawyer.

[jjconrad]

If your pregnant u can not get a devoice until baby is born and they will do a DNA test too make sure it not your husband believe I no I'm going the the same thang it *****

[RockRose]

I agree,  you need to see a lawyer.  

This is a complete mess,  and I don't think you should rely on the internet for help here - you are at risk for losing all your older kids.  

California,  although extremely liberal,  is about the worst state for this kind of situation.  If you try to leave,  you're leaving your older kids behind in the custody of your husband.  He's not an "ex",  although you call him that.  He's your current husband.

[blackbeauty1320]

You should talk to a lawyer and see what they say for a divorce and maybe you can make payments just to move things along.

[3rdnfinal]

It will work out eventually being stressed out whilst being pregnant is not good for u n baby, I'd be lookin at finding a way out if ur new bf loves u why can't u move in with him??

[3rdnfinal]

Well put it this way he's cheated on you n you've decided to separate n live in separate rooms if anything u r not together anymore n I do believe that u should file for divorce n move in with ur new bf  he now needs to step up n be a man n take care of u n this baby on the way n with ur children work out a custody agreement, assets between u n ex I honestly think it will out it may not be an ideal road n seem scary n hard but at least it's right n u can be happy it's 7 yrs how much longer r u willing to live unhappily for???

[sbbz182]

I'm in California

[sabbylopez]

It's illegal for adultery in the state of Idaho and your pregnancy is proof of adultery but  in idaho your gonna have to look at the laws for where you live and you could possibly have your assets taken away.

[Cummins_girl]

I just went through this in WI. I had filled papers last February for a divorce.  He and his lawyer dragged it out. In December I found out I was pregnant with my boyfriends that lived with me. My judge ordered a guardian ad lietam and all three of us had to testify at the trial to who the father of the child was. However the judge could have ordered a DNA test to be done because the child was presumed my ex husband's by law. I looked into costs of DNA when I first found out and if I wanted to be divorced prior to birth it could have costed up to $1600.not sure what state you are in or the laws there but you need to get a lawyer and get paperwork started.

[mw89]

I am facing the same thing right now. I have been separated for 2 and a half yesrs now. I have alreadyspoken to a lawyer since we have been sseperated (not legally seperated just not together for so long they wwont say anything about another mans baby or having significant others. No your husband cannot try and get custody of your baby. That's absurd all you need is a genetic test for that.
have you guys tried maybe doing an uncontested divorce? I may be doing that now. If you agree on everything  such as assets and such just do the paper work yourself.

[kHz721]

How will u lose your children. U and new bf move out with ur kids. Find some work for income. Get new bf to be main source of income.  U be OK . it has to be done

[ceswisher88]

you may not be able to get a divorce while pregnant I know it is not allowed in many states the sooner you file the better !

[LissaMarMar]

Get out now. If your hubby is anything of an ******* he can use that baby against you in the divorce and you'll be screwed because that baby is proof of infidelity. Even though you guys have that understanding of not being together he can still use it to get whatever he wants out of the divorce because in the court of law you are still married.

[sbbz182]

Baby's my bfs.
Legal husband and I haven't been intimate for 7 years since he cheated and I moved into another room..we live private separate lives ..kids know all I'm open with my childre.

[sbbz182]

I'll lose my kids and house and have no family near by ... And am currently unemployed hmmm talk about throw back to the 50's :/  

[Dede7215]

Who are you pregnant by?  Boyfriend or ex hubby?  

[Jsyska]

Get divorced now!   You have plenty of time to straighten everything out being only 4 weeks pregnant

[laurawr_madeline]

I'd be getting a divorce before the baby is born. If you have the baby and are still married to your legally binded husband, he can try claim custody even though its not his.