situation....advice please

[allyrae11289]

So I have ignored the reality of my situation with the father of my unborn baby boy. He is my ex boyfriends child but I left before I found out I was pregnant. I have informed him but I'm scared to let him in the babies life or mine. He was abusive physically and mentally to me and my son I already have. I feel he has sociopathic behavior and I don't want this child to be apart of that. I feel so guilty but I also feel that I have to protect myself and my children from him. How do I go about the birth certificate and the custody and all of that??!! Part of me doesn't want him on Tue birth certificate but I know that's wrong. I need advice on this please and honesty as well. I made a mistake even dating him but I didn't know he was like that. I just feel so bad about this baby not having a great father. Suggestions?

[allyrae11289]

Excuse me @ Charlie's momma. I grew up with out a father and for me it was the right thing to do wether he was going to be involved or not. So keep your ******* rude comments to your Damn self! And he doesn't want anything to do with it now because the restraining order went into effect. So feel free to go comment rude **** elsewhere. People need to learn constructive criticism and not rudeness.

[3rdNdone]

You have to do what is right for you and your children. You should look up state law on paternal rights. I know where I am it is just assumed that because you give birth and care for your kids you have custody, but unless you have went to court and legally had it done  any member of family or even the state could file for custody, doesn't mean they will get it, but it is still a hassle.

[allyrae11289]

Thanks for that information! I feel a little better about this now.

[traciv]

If you are unmarried you don't have to put anyone on the birth certificate. However if you want support for the child in the future he would have to sign an affidavit of paternity. This does not give him any rights at all to the child. You will still have custody of your baby. He will have no legal claim to him unless he took you to court and sued for parental rights.  Just because you put him on the birth certificate does not mean he has any say in what you do with the baby.

[ashfrye]

Dont ever fault yourself for protecting your children. He lost his right as a father when he was abusive

[BabyWidmer]

Just don't tell him about baby when you are in the hospital. To be honest I would cut off all contact.

[allyrae11289]

I am actually in a very healthy stable relationship. We've been friends since high school. His family is very supportive and they have accepted me and my son I have and this baby. I know this will have to be explained when the child is older but as a mother it's my duty to protect the baby. Thanks for not saying I'm horrible for not wanting him on the birth certificate. How does that work? I mean I didn't go through this with my first child

[LyakGarcia]

If he was abusive i would just keep him out, he doesn't need to be on the birth certificate, if he ever tries to get custody he will never get it for the way he treated you and your first son, this is your child, you know whats best for him, dont feel bad for that man not being a great father, its not your fault, just focus on being the best mom, good luck

[BabyWidmer]

Don't tell him when your in labor, don't let him in. You should possibly look into a restraining order

[BbyV]

My suggestion.... Don't put him on the birth certificate. Keep custody of your child. Now, if he wants to see the child, I would let him but I would let him see the child in an environment of my choice and my choice only, definitely my parents house or somewhere safe. And also, you never know what the future holds... You could find an awesome man. But definitely protect your children.