Husband jealous of my family?

[arlandonbloom]

I will start off by saying my husband comes from a divorced family, although his parents are divorced, they are still close and the rest of the family is close. I come from a family that is not divorced, my parents are still married, and we are very close to my mom's side of the family (since my dad's side lives on the other side of the country) so we are always doing things together and lately I think that my husband is either homesick or just jealous of my family. I am 28 weeks pregnant and the past few months have been very rough with trying to make both my family and my husband happy. I was raised that my family is involved in all that is going on, although my husband has been with me to a few appointments and all of my ultrasounds, he was very upset that I wanted to include my family in the 3D ultrasound, eventually he got over it but still. My parents have been helping us out a lot, buying us things for baby's room, my mom bought us a very nice stroller, a lot of clothes and my dad has been contributing too.... His family hasn't done a single thing or have even asked if we needed anything. I think this is kind of wrong because although my family is contributing a lot, I think that it would be right if his side of the family was at least interested... Also we have been fighting a lot lately, and he hasn't talked to me for 2 days. I am at the point right now where I am very uncomfortable (physically) I am having trouble sleeping, trouble going to the bathroom, trouble keeping food down, I am depressed, just typical 3rd trimester blues and he doesn't even ask if I need anything or if I am okay and it is really starting to bug me... Our relationship was great before I got pregnant. The type you see in movies or read in books but now it is all going down hill. Is it bad that I want my family involved? It's not like I am pushing my husband out of the picture, I think that this is just a special time for everyone, this is the first grandbaby for both sides and the first baby on my side of the family since me so everyone is excited...

[K_Bmomma]

my husband is the same way with my family. and i had a hard time with it when we first got married because i thought family was family plain and simple but when you are married with kids on the way its really about YOUR family, husband and kids.. they come first, if something makes him upset maybe not do it or find out why it bothers him and pick what battles to throw down in. for example yesterday it was my moms birthday usually my family gets together and does something fun (ie dinner, movie, fair ect) this time they went to the state fair. i missed out last year because my husband through a fit about it. so this year i decided i would go and take our son 13 months old. my husband had to work so he couldnt go. and at the end of the day he was in a really bad mood and upset. come to find out that he felt left out. wished they could have planned it on a day when he could have been included especially because it was our sons first time at the fair ( i didnt even think of that) so he missed out and was upset. he wants to feel apart of the family too.
maybe your husband is feeling low because your family is buying the big stuff for the baby, guys sometimes feel less because they cant do everything for thier family, a pride sort of thing.
id talk to him and see whats going on and as far as the other stuff goes like him not helping.. i wish i could havemy husband do everything for me ( 34 weeks now) but i still do the cleaning, washing, kid everything. maybe he has just detatched a little bit and maybe he doesnt know you need the help. my husband really didnt know i needed/ wanted help. good luck with it! communication always always helps...

[Treksy]

I have this problem reversed. Its HIS family thats all about closeness. I get it. I call my mom at least every other day but aunts,uncles, cousins.. I see them at the bbq and thats that. His family almost destroyed our marriage. They were just so involved. His mom wanted to be in the room when the baby was born and I was like...wtf, no! There are certain things that belong to a couple only.

My husband hates when people buy us stuff because he views it as them thinking we cant afford...i.e.. he "failed" as a provider and now others are picking up his slack. Like obviously he appreciates it but I know how he thinks lol

Its wonderful to have family support. But I wouldn't want my family at an ultrasound...especially not HIS... that's OUR moment. Weeeee are having a baby. When the baby is born everyone can take part but the pregnancy is a very special time. Especially if its your first. Im having our third.... and thinking back to the first I wish we did more together as a couple because its not easy after a baby os added to the mix.

I don't hear that your husband is jealous of your family so much as him not feeling like you want him to take care of you....take the reigns,..be the man of the family.

[AnnieBrooke]

Do you want to be a family of two with him at this point?  Or is it more rewarding and easier to rely on your nuclear family?  You gotta wanna, to make it right in a marriage where there is withdrawal and anger.  If you do, then it's time to talk to him seriously about going into counseling together.  A lot of stuff could be going on -- him being worried about being a dad, about being a good provider, etc.  But you won't know what is bothering him until he opens up about it.  Maybe he didn't thank your mom for the stroller because he knew you would already and it made him feel like a third wheel or sponge to chime in, or maybe because your remarking on the cost and being grateful made him feel like you were being critical of what he could provide.  Obviously it could be none of this, I'm just guessing.  But until the two of you sit down and talk it out without anger, which probably will take the help of a family counselor, you will be just guessing too.

[arlandonbloom]

That's the thing though, I don't include my family in EVERYTHING. But when they do get involved, he gets mad. He hasn't even thanked my mom for the stroller (which was not cheap). He is acting like he is better than my family. He won't come around, my dad and him used to be close but now when my dad asks him to go with him fishing or to do something, he makes up an excuse. I don't get it. And he expects me to do everything. He hasn't offered to do much, especially when I am at the point where I am getting big, I don't want to do anything but yet I am still the one doing the cooking, cleaning, and getting literally everything ready for the baby. The only thing he did was put the crib up. I'm heart broken.

[AnnieBrooke]

I don't know if jealous is the word for it, it sounds like all your privacy as a couple has disappeared with the you including the whole family in everything about the pregnancy.  I think I would feel badly if my husband had broadcast all of the news I considered ours as a couple, to his family.  Do you remember the line, "A man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home, they shall travel hand in hand til the two shall be as one?"  I am happy that you get so much out of your family closeness, but it sounds like you are not really cleaving to your husband and forming your own family of two.  He doubtless knew you were close to your sibs and parents when you married, but probably didn't expect they would all be there everytime he turned around from that point on.  And I don't think that is unreasonable of him.  When a couple in love gets married, they expect they will have one-on-one time together in abundance, that is why they got married after all, so just the two of them could be together without chaperones and other people in their business.

Anyway, this might be a cultural difference between you and him and you will never do things without calling your whole family on the phone.  But I'm sorry, if so, that you married a guy who is sad about the lack of privacy as a couple that comes along with such an approach to life.  It should be just the two of you, until the baby comes, and then just the three of you, as much as you can manage.